Read Online Cloudwish by Fiona Wood - Free Book Online

bitch,’ said Jess.
    â€˜It’s her life’s work,’ said Vân Ước.
    â€˜So, what would old Jane have done?’ Jess knew Vân Ước’s Jane Eyre habit, and indulged it. She, too, had read and enjoyed Jane Eyre , though not to the same semi-obsessive extent as Vân Ước.
    â€˜Ha, Jane would wipe the floor with Holly. She’d use the John Reed putdown; she’d say, Wicked and cruel . . . You are like a murderer – you are like a slave-driver – you are like the Roman emperors! ’
    Vân Ước had a suitable Jane quote for most occasions.
    â€˜And what would Holly say to that ?’
    â€˜She’d say, What are you on , you loser? And she’d say, Stay away from Billy .’
    Uh-oh. She hadn’t planned to mention the Billy thing.
    â€˜Whoa, back up, sister. Billy? Are you talking Billy Gardiner? Dream boy Billy? Numero uno mew? You’ve stopped your preferred charm offensive of pretending to ignore him completely? Give, give, give.’
    â€˜Mew’ was their own word for anything good or attractive. It started when they were on a reading mission for intel about sex in year seven, and came across a steamy romance in which the sappy heroine, Brandy, mewed in a moment of sexual passion. That cracked them up; they cried with laughter. They immediately chose a preferable animal whose spirit they might invoke while having sex – if that ever happened. Jess immediately bagsed walrus, thinking a loud honk might be just the thing to get a laugh in the sack; Vân Ước went for a hooting owl. Mewing? Pathetic. Brandy also did a lot of purring. It was possible that Brandy had a secret wish to be Catwoman, which, had it been explored by the author, might have made for a better read. But ‘mew’ had earned a permanent place in their vocabulary.
    She gave Jess the full story of the shift in behaviour of – yes, her number-one mew – Billy Gardiner: the vial, the wish, the fascinating , the unprecedented attention from Billy, the initial strong suspicion that something mean was being planned, the let me come to homework club , the hey, cool birdie , the I’m partners with Vân Ước .
    â€˜Okay, let’s get systematic. So – we know that magic wishes aren’t a thing, right?’ Jess gave her a look, as if checking to see that Vân Ước hadn’t given up on the whole idea of sanity.
    â€˜Right.’
    â€˜But we also know you are a smokin’ babe, plus smart-as, and all things great . . .’ Vân Ước shook her head in embarrassed denial, but before she had a chance to object Jess continued, ‘Seeing as how I am the only lesbian-in-waiting present, I’m going to appoint myself as the expert on female beauty, so don’t argue about that . The only question is, why now? And, given his track record of general meanness, I guess you were right to be suspicious about his motives. But that hasn’t played out. So, what’s the plan?’
    â€˜The plan? There is no plan. And his jokes are sometimes long term and quite elaborate, so that’s still a definite possibility. So, there’s just, how do I avoid him?’
    â€˜Nuh-uh. You’re thinking public humiliation still likely, Billy-likes-Vân Ước long shot. Am I right?’
    â€˜Yeah.’
    â€˜Whereas I’m thinking public humiliation long shot, Billy-likes-Vân Ước very likely.’
    â€˜But I’m the only one present who has actually met Billy Gardiner, so I’m going to appoint myself as the expert on his behaviour.’
    â€˜Though you admit yourself that his behaviour at the moment is uncharacteristic?’
    â€˜Bizarrely.’
    â€˜So, your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to discover his true motivation.’
    Vân Ước picked up another rice cracker, scooped up some hummus and crunched thoughtfully. ‘I