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Authors: Amanda Davis
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beautiful man, this movie star, want with her? That he picked her, out of the whole bar full of music and bodies, seemed impossible, and so she didnât look up, just took the paper off the end of the straw and began to suck on her third Tom Collins. As she was moving the straw around to get the fizz from the bottom of the glass, he sat down on the stool next to her and stared. The bandtook a break and the sudden decibel drop made Ellenâs head feel like it was floating.
Thanks for the drink, she whispered, looking down at the glass.
Wellâ¦He drew the word out and Ellen felt herself hang on his pause. Youâre a fragile one, huh?
(Mouth dry. Heart banging loudly.) I guess.
Can we get another round here? He leaned toward the bartender who raised his eyebrows at Ellen. Or maybe he didnât. Things were oozing slightly on the edge of her vision.
I donât know Lairmont at all, he shouted over the dull roar of the bandâs new set. Iâm just in town on a shoot. Maybe you could show me around?
At eleven oâclock at night? Ellen thought, alcohol buzzing in time with the band.
Yeah. Okay. She reached for her coat.
Â
In the morning her head hurt terribly and the movie star was in her bed.
Iâm Billy, he said. And for a moment she couldnât quite place him.
10.
Billy stayed five days after the shoot wrapped and Ellen quit her job to follow him across the country. Oh to be fucked like that, to be loved and held and caressed and complemented. She drifted off at work. When her boss called her on the intercom, Ellen responded from deep inside a bubble. She was dreamy and languid, but she was leaving everything and couldnât think of what one was supposed to do in such a situation.
Billy helped her to sell her things, to stand at the Greyhound ticket counter and say One-way to New York City, please. She felt as though she stood differently, walked differently, sat differently, all in preparation.
Mina and the other girls in the office seemed surprised when she gave notice. But, during lunch on her last day, they gathered in the break room: a small, awkward group of secretaries and assistants, looking gaudy and tired in the fluorescent light. Linda had made a cake, and there was a bottle of champagne from someone else that was opened with great ceremony and then dribbled into plastic cups so that everyone might have a taste.
Toast! Toast! some of the women exclaimed and Ellen felt as though she were on a soap opera and about to do or say something dramatic, and then she realized she was leaving for New York City and none of it seemed real.
Mina swayed a bit on her pointy little heels, and jabbed her glass in the air.
Hereâs to chasing love and good luck in the Big Apple. I canât believe youâre deserting us after all these years to go off to the big city but I know we all wish you the best, she jabbed a final time. May all your dreams come true!
Everybody gulped and then threw away their cups and the party was over. They scooted back to their cubicles, carrying slices of homemade cake, licking their fingers and laughing.
11.
On the way home from her office, knowing that the bus to New York left at seven the next morning, Ellen felt the need to do something brave to mark the evening. To place a flagon this page of her life somehow, so that later, someday, when she and Billy were married, she would be able to flip back to BEFORE, to the flat, Midwestern landscape of her life UP TO THEN, and remember the risks sheâd taken.
She hadnât known what to do until she walked by the shopâa place sheâd passed so many times before without paying any attention. Tonight the red neon sign blinked at her, beckoning. Here was daring itself whispering for her to come inside.
She wandered into the place almost as if in a dream. The walls were covered by drawings and photographsâso many choices. In the corner was a short, sweaty, much-illustrated man, who
Thanks for the drink, she whispered, looking down at the glass.
Wellâ¦He drew the word out and Ellen felt herself hang on his pause. Youâre a fragile one, huh?
(Mouth dry. Heart banging loudly.) I guess.
Can we get another round here? He leaned toward the bartender who raised his eyebrows at Ellen. Or maybe he didnât. Things were oozing slightly on the edge of her vision.
I donât know Lairmont at all, he shouted over the dull roar of the bandâs new set. Iâm just in town on a shoot. Maybe you could show me around?
At eleven oâclock at night? Ellen thought, alcohol buzzing in time with the band.
Yeah. Okay. She reached for her coat.
Â
In the morning her head hurt terribly and the movie star was in her bed.
Iâm Billy, he said. And for a moment she couldnât quite place him.
10.
Billy stayed five days after the shoot wrapped and Ellen quit her job to follow him across the country. Oh to be fucked like that, to be loved and held and caressed and complemented. She drifted off at work. When her boss called her on the intercom, Ellen responded from deep inside a bubble. She was dreamy and languid, but she was leaving everything and couldnât think of what one was supposed to do in such a situation.
Billy helped her to sell her things, to stand at the Greyhound ticket counter and say One-way to New York City, please. She felt as though she stood differently, walked differently, sat differently, all in preparation.
Mina and the other girls in the office seemed surprised when she gave notice. But, during lunch on her last day, they gathered in the break room: a small, awkward group of secretaries and assistants, looking gaudy and tired in the fluorescent light. Linda had made a cake, and there was a bottle of champagne from someone else that was opened with great ceremony and then dribbled into plastic cups so that everyone might have a taste.
Toast! Toast! some of the women exclaimed and Ellen felt as though she were on a soap opera and about to do or say something dramatic, and then she realized she was leaving for New York City and none of it seemed real.
Mina swayed a bit on her pointy little heels, and jabbed her glass in the air.
Hereâs to chasing love and good luck in the Big Apple. I canât believe youâre deserting us after all these years to go off to the big city but I know we all wish you the best, she jabbed a final time. May all your dreams come true!
Everybody gulped and then threw away their cups and the party was over. They scooted back to their cubicles, carrying slices of homemade cake, licking their fingers and laughing.
11.
On the way home from her office, knowing that the bus to New York left at seven the next morning, Ellen felt the need to do something brave to mark the evening. To place a flagon this page of her life somehow, so that later, someday, when she and Billy were married, she would be able to flip back to BEFORE, to the flat, Midwestern landscape of her life UP TO THEN, and remember the risks sheâd taken.
She hadnât known what to do until she walked by the shopâa place sheâd passed so many times before without paying any attention. Tonight the red neon sign blinked at her, beckoning. Here was daring itself whispering for her to come inside.
She wandered into the place almost as if in a dream. The walls were covered by drawings and photographsâso many choices. In the corner was a short, sweaty, much-illustrated man, who
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