Read Online Christmas At The Cupcake Cafe by Jenny Colgan - Free Book Online
Authors: Jenny Colgan
Ads: Link
only a finding-out visit, and it was already obvious to him that he wouldn’t fit in here in a hundred years, so he might as well say what he thought. ‘I can’t believe you’re still pulling all this bullshit like it’s 2007.’
He pointed at a flashily-dressed trader bellowing into a telephone. ‘Come on! We’ve tried all this shouting bollocks before and it didn’t work then. This is a total waste of time. I bet no one in here really understands what a derivative is or why it’s such a terrible idea, except three quants in a back office taking five minutes off playing World of Warcraft. Banks have spent years pulling the wool over their own eyes. It’s not sustainable, and we know it now. Why isn’t the money flowing properly? To help real businesses, real people grow and build and make things? Because that castle-in-the-air stuff fell right down. Still, nice suit, Kelvin.’
Austin turned round and got ready to go. That was when he saw the little man with the large bow tie who had been standing in the middle of the trading floor with an unlit cigar, watching them intensely.
‘You,’ hesaid, stabbing a stubby finger at Austin. ‘You’re having lunch with me.’
And now here he was, sitting in front of six different types of bread that were being explained to him by a ludicrously handsome young man. Austin wondered vaguely where all those fat Americans you heard about were. Maybe Manhattan’s skinny buildings and tiny living spaces simply discouraged it.
‘Two olive, one rye, but not if it’s warm,’ ordered Merv, and settled himself down to look at Austin. His eyes were small and curious.
‘London tells us you’re a bit of a curveball. Young, on the up, incorruptible … might be ready to jump from clearing while you still can.’
‘Um,’ said Austin. ‘That was very nice of them.’
‘They also said you were the only person in the entire company whose loans had never lost money.’
Austin smiled at this. It was a nice compliment to get. He loaned on his gut instincts for people; how hard he thought they could work, how much they wanted it. When Issy had walked into his office nearly two years ago, Austin could see beyond the nerves and anxiety and the frankly total lack of preparation to the person beneath; she had more steel in her than you would think by looking at her. Well, an unusual upbringing could do that to you, as he knew only too well.
‘Do youknow how much my bond traders lost me last year? Those klutzes in the trading room?’
Austin shook his head politely.
‘About seventeen billion dollars.’
Austin wasn’t entirely sure whether this was, in context, a lot of money or not.
‘We have to get back to basics, Austin.’ Merv refilled their glasses with claret. ‘We need decent, honest brokers with no blotted copybooks. We need transparency. We need to do something before the public decide we should all be in jail, capisce?’
Austin nodded.
‘Guys like you … making smaller loans, more cautious investments. Not behaving like drunk fucking beavers at the wheel of a 747, you know what I’m saying? Not acting like coked-up weasels who exist simply to spunk cash down the panties of cocktail waitresses and buy themselves fucking indoor fucking trampolines.’
Austin was slightly lost, but he smiled gamely nonetheless.
‘Sustainable banking?’ he tried. This was a phrase that had gone down well at head office.
‘Yeah,’ said Merv. ‘Exactly. You married?’
‘No …’ Austin was confused by the curveball question.
‘Kids?’
‘Uh, I look after my brother.’
‘Why, what’s up with him?’
‘He’seleven.’
Merv nodded. ‘Oh yeah, one of my kids is eleven. From Mrs Ferani number two. Doesn’t know if he’s coming or going. Half of him wants to play
Star Wars
, half of him wants to race in the Indy 500 …’
‘Is that like Formula 1?’
‘… so I said to him, “Well, fine, you can have the damn car, but don’t drive it off the
He pointed at a flashily-dressed trader bellowing into a telephone. ‘Come on! We’ve tried all this shouting bollocks before and it didn’t work then. This is a total waste of time. I bet no one in here really understands what a derivative is or why it’s such a terrible idea, except three quants in a back office taking five minutes off playing World of Warcraft. Banks have spent years pulling the wool over their own eyes. It’s not sustainable, and we know it now. Why isn’t the money flowing properly? To help real businesses, real people grow and build and make things? Because that castle-in-the-air stuff fell right down. Still, nice suit, Kelvin.’
Austin turned round and got ready to go. That was when he saw the little man with the large bow tie who had been standing in the middle of the trading floor with an unlit cigar, watching them intensely.
‘You,’ hesaid, stabbing a stubby finger at Austin. ‘You’re having lunch with me.’
And now here he was, sitting in front of six different types of bread that were being explained to him by a ludicrously handsome young man. Austin wondered vaguely where all those fat Americans you heard about were. Maybe Manhattan’s skinny buildings and tiny living spaces simply discouraged it.
‘Two olive, one rye, but not if it’s warm,’ ordered Merv, and settled himself down to look at Austin. His eyes were small and curious.
‘London tells us you’re a bit of a curveball. Young, on the up, incorruptible … might be ready to jump from clearing while you still can.’
‘Um,’ said Austin. ‘That was very nice of them.’
‘They also said you were the only person in the entire company whose loans had never lost money.’
Austin smiled at this. It was a nice compliment to get. He loaned on his gut instincts for people; how hard he thought they could work, how much they wanted it. When Issy had walked into his office nearly two years ago, Austin could see beyond the nerves and anxiety and the frankly total lack of preparation to the person beneath; she had more steel in her than you would think by looking at her. Well, an unusual upbringing could do that to you, as he knew only too well.
‘Do youknow how much my bond traders lost me last year? Those klutzes in the trading room?’
Austin shook his head politely.
‘About seventeen billion dollars.’
Austin wasn’t entirely sure whether this was, in context, a lot of money or not.
‘We have to get back to basics, Austin.’ Merv refilled their glasses with claret. ‘We need decent, honest brokers with no blotted copybooks. We need transparency. We need to do something before the public decide we should all be in jail, capisce?’
Austin nodded.
‘Guys like you … making smaller loans, more cautious investments. Not behaving like drunk fucking beavers at the wheel of a 747, you know what I’m saying? Not acting like coked-up weasels who exist simply to spunk cash down the panties of cocktail waitresses and buy themselves fucking indoor fucking trampolines.’
Austin was slightly lost, but he smiled gamely nonetheless.
‘Sustainable banking?’ he tried. This was a phrase that had gone down well at head office.
‘Yeah,’ said Merv. ‘Exactly. You married?’
‘No …’ Austin was confused by the curveball question.
‘Kids?’
‘Uh, I look after my brother.’
‘Why, what’s up with him?’
‘He’seleven.’
Merv nodded. ‘Oh yeah, one of my kids is eleven. From Mrs Ferani number two. Doesn’t know if he’s coming or going. Half of him wants to play
Star Wars
, half of him wants to race in the Indy 500 …’
‘Is that like Formula 1?’
‘… so I said to him, “Well, fine, you can have the damn car, but don’t drive it off the
Similar Books
