Read Online Chocolate Cake With Hitler by Emma Craigie - Free Book Online

stones. After breakfast  I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to do. Hilde is gripped by her Apache book, and she snuggled down with that – but I can’t get in the mood to read. I asked Mrs. Junge if I could go and see Mummy. She said she’d ask. I just doodled and sat in the corridor, and the young ones played hide-and-seek again. I get this feeling of a weight pressing on my chest which makes me want to run and scream, but the worse thing is I know that won’t make any difference. I covered a whole page in little black boxes and shaded them in. A waste of ink. I was about to embark on a second page when Mrs. Junge came and said that I could go and see Mummy.
    Her room is like ours. Except the smell of diesel is mixed with the smell of cologne. It’s completely bare. It reminds me of visiting her in the sanatorium.
    She was lying in bed, her skin the same off-white as the pillows. Her eyes looked enormous for some reason, her pupils huge and black. She patted the side of her bed and I sat down, but it’s so narrow that half of me was hanging off the bed. Her voice sounded flat.
    “How are all you children?”
    “We’re fine. It’s just so boring. How long are we going to be here?”
    “I don’t know, my darling. We will stay here as long as Uncle Leader needs to be here. Now, I’ve heard that you have all been very good and polite and no trouble. I’m very proud of you.”
    “How long is Uncle Leader going to stay here?”
     “I don’t know, darling.”  
    “Are we going to try to escape?”  
    “Now you know we’ve brought you here because it’s the safest place to be.”  
    “What if the Russians get here?” I could feel a massive lump rising up in my throat and I just kept trying to swallow it, but I couldn’t keep it down. I tightened my eyes as hard as I could to keep my tears in. My forehead felt like there was a sheet of metal pressing against it. I did manage not to cry, but I knew Mummy could tell that I almost was, and then I said it. “I’m so scared, Mummy. I don’t want to die. I just really don’t want to die.”  
    Mummy hates it when we cry, which is unfair because she and Granny are always crying.  
    “Helga. Come on. Hold yourself together. You’re a big girl. You must be strong for the little ones. You must give them a good example. Think how they will feel if they see that their big sister has been crying. This is not a time for tears. Remember you are German.”
    I concentrated and concentrated and breathed really slowly in and out of my mouth so that I didn’t have to sniff. My jaw ached.  
    “Now, Helga, I am arranging for you all to have a vaccination. It’s the same kind that all the soldiers have and I think that you children need it to stop you getting ill now that you are living cooped up like soldiers and so close to so many people.”
    I felt the shout inside me rising up but I swallowed it. I just said “Oh” in a small voice.
    “I know you’ll be brave, like a good girl, and not make a fuss.”
    I nodded. I couldn’t really speak because of the giant lump in my throat. It sounded like she thought we were going to be here for a long time.
    “I’m sorry you feel so bored. You’d better run along now and have your lunch. I’m going to get up later to have tea with Uncle Leader, and I will teach you a new game of patience. Now go and eat a good lunch, and don’t let the others see you’re upset.”
    Lunch was beef sandwiches. Holde carefully removed the meat and ate the bread and butter. Helmut ate her meat. I just couldn’t think of anything drearier in the whole world than beef sandwiches. The brownness of it all seemed unbearable. I never thought I’d miss vegetables – but it would be so nice to have something bright and fresh like peas or even carrots, something light and happy and not just chewy heavy dead cow and chewy heavy dead bread. Of course, I didn’t say anything. I ate it very slowly until I had a huge dry lump of meat in my