Read Online Chitty Chitty Bang Bang by Ian Fleming - Free Book Online

have to announce that that's Joe the Monster. I've seen pictures of him outside Police Stations. And the other three are his gang—Man-Mountain Fink, who's escaped from heaven knows how many prisons—he must be on the run now—Soapy Sam, he's their explosives expert for opening safes ('soap' is the crooks' name for gelignite), and Blood-Money Banks, the blackmailer. Watch out! This is going to be tricky!"
    Joe the Monster came up to the car. In his most threatening manner, he growled. "And who might you all be? And what might you all know about that there explosion what's just taken place?"
    Commander Pott said innocently. "Explosion? Explosion?" He turned to the children. "Anyone hear an explosion round here?"
    Jeremy said brightly, "There was a bit of a pop just now, Daddy. Over by the cliff. You must have missed it."
    "Bit of a pop!" Joe the Monster almost exploded himself. He turned round. "Hear that, mates?" He said in a mincing voice, "They think they may have heard a bit of a pop." He turned back threateningly. "Bit of a pop! ! ! Call that whopping volcano a bit of a pop? Why it sounded like the end of the world!" Now his voice was an angry growl. "I saw you folks drive up out of the quarry and I happen, I just happen like, to see a roll of fuse beside those little rascals in the back seat." (Oh dear! thought Jeremy and Jemima together. We ought to have sat on it!) "So do you know what I'm going to do with you and this saucy-looking bus of yours?" He gave a great cackle of cruel laughter. "Why, in exchange for you having blown up my belongings, I'm going to blow up yours and you all with it. See? I'm going to light the end of that fuse and put the lighted end in the gas tank of your fancy motorcar and up you'll all go! How do you like the thought of that, aye, my fine little family of meddlers in other people's business?" He turned to the other gangsters. "Get your guns ready, men, and if any of these rascals try to escape, shoot them down like rabbits. Get it?" The dreadful gangsters cackled with joy at the thought of the sport they were going to have, and the Pott family heard the click of the safety catches going back.
    "Now then, you golliwog in the back there, hand over that length of fuse or it'll be the worse for you." And he pointed his revolver straight at Jeremy.
    "I won't," said Jeremy stoutly, "and if I'm a golliwog, you're the ugliest ape outside the London Zoo." And he took the roll of fuse and sat on it.
    "Ho-ho!" Joe the Monster grimaced with fury at the insult. "You young whipper-snapper. I'll teach you to do what you're told," and he took a big blackjack out of his pocket and walked purposefully toward the car.
    Jeremy had butterflies in his tummy at the sight, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Commander Pott's hand steal across to the little lever that worked the wing mechanism, and, as Joe the Monster drew level with the car, Commander Pott pulled the lever sharply down and CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG'S big green mudguards swung sharply out into their wing-shape. The right-hand wing caught Joe the Monster slap in his tummy and sent him flying head over heels.
    "Hang On," shouted Commander Pott. "And keep your heads down." And he rammed the accelerator down into the floor boards.
    CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG leaped forward with an angry roar from her twin exhausts and swooped low at the other three
    gangsters, who just had time to throw themselves down on their faces or they would have been mown down, like Joe the Monster, by the charging wings. And then the great green aerocar, for that is what she had become, just cleared the top of the gangsters' car and roared off toward the main road.
    Of course the gangsters were soon on their feet and all their guns spat bullets at the swooping green dragon, but Commander Pott zigzagged the wheel and, although there was one bang as a bullet hit the coachwork, the other bullets whistled harmlessly past and the spurting flames of the revolvers got smaller and