Chess With a Dragon

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Authors: David Gerrold
Tags: Science-Fiction, Fantasy, Humour
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forcompletely while it grows toward usefulness. During much of this time, the female is useless for further breeding. I truly do not understand why these creatures are not already extinct.”
    â€œNor can I,” said Hnaxx blandly. “But, please, K!rikkl, tell me how you trained it?”
    â€œOf course, my Lord. In principle it is quite easy. A simple system of reward and punishment. I tie a rope to its neck. I rattle, ‘Come,’ and pull the rope until it comes. Then I give it a tender root to chew. Soon it learns that if it wants a tender root it should come when I say, ‘Come.’ After that, the rest is details.”
    â€œIt is that simple?” Hnaxx seemed astonished.
    â€œTruly. All of the training is based on the same principle. If I hold up the game marker for a Knrkt and make it touch its toes, very soon it learns to touch its toes whenever it sees a Knrkt marker. Later, I train it to wait until I rattle my mandibles in annoyance. Then it touches its toes if it has seen a Knrkt marker only on my command. The rest of you think I am only grumbling in disgust—the grub tells me what it has seen and you think it is a distasteful creature. Poor G!ligglix never had a chance.”
    â€œAyee—what an ingenious ploy, dear K!rikkl. I am delighted that you were so diplomatic in your play.”
    â€œIt is bad manners to dine on the host,” K!rikkl acknowledged.
    â€œYour manners, dear K!rikkl, are as impeccable as your deceitfulness.”
    â€œThank you, my Lord.”
    â€œBut I cannot get over how . . . simple it all seems.”
    â€œSimple indeed, Lord Hnaxx. But it does require patience—that is why there are not many grubs this well trained.”
    â€œThat is lucky for us—or we might have to change the rules of the game. As it is, I foresee great possibilities inherent in this knowledge.”
    â€œIndeed?”
    â€œIndeed.”

The Gang of Four
    Madja Poparov could swear in six different languages.
    At least that was how many Yake could identify before he lost count. There were several he couldn’t identify. He simply listened in rapt admiration for several minutes before he attempted to interrupt.
    â€œExcuse me,” he said politely, “—I may be mistaken, but I think you repeated yourself there.”
    â€œI did not!”
    â€œI think so, yes. The derogatory comparison between the breeding habits of pigs and capitalists; I think that parallels the statement you made about the copulatory practices of politicians and goats—”
    Madja frowned as she attempted to recall what she had said several minutes earlier. “Is possible,” she admitted. “I was being very enthusiastic.”
    Yake grinned. “Would you care to boil that communication down to its essential points?”
    â€œHmp. Is simple. Ad hoc committee is not a committee at all, Mr. Yake Singh Browne. The ‘Old Man’ as you so lovingly refer to him is acting like the consummate politician he is. You and I, we are trouble-makers—I more than you. I raise unpleasant point in meeting. You make mistake of agreeing with me—”
    â€œYou were right—”
    â€œIs still mistake. You agree, no? No matter. Ambassador does not want disagreement, but must demonstrate—in case there is trial later—that all points of view were fairly heard. He listens to you and I, then makes us special committee. Larson and Kasahara are here to give committee credibility, no?”
    â€œNo—” said Larson.
    Poparov ignored her. “If just you and I, Yake, then it looks like he is removing all his bad eggs from the same basket. But by putting other person here too, he invests committee with hair of credibility. Very smart. If you and I come up with something, we get to be heroes; if we don’t come up with something, we are—what? What is expression for empty-handed idealist?”
    â€œEmpty-handed

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