Read Online Chasing Jane by Noelle Adams - Free Book Online

was
curious, and I wanted to do it and then tell you afterwards, just to tease you
or whatever.”
    I take another deep breath, this one a little less shaky.
His words make sense and sound true.
    “I named myself Rochester…well, it was just to be funny and
ironic. You’re Jane and I’m Rochester. I thought you would get a kick out of
it.”
    For the first time since he got dressed, I look over at him.
His vivid blue eyes are focused unwaveringly on my face.
    “I didn’t go looking for you. I promise I didn’t. But I
guess there were enough similarities in our profiles that they matched us up. I
knew it was you. I knew it from the beginning. I was going to…going to write
you one note and then spill the beans. I thought it would be funny.” He clears
his throat. “But then you wrote back to me, and you were so…so you . And
you told Rochester things you’d never told me before—about how you always felt
like you were searching for something deep, something that would change you. I
had to respond to it. I had to make sure you were heard. And then I couldn’t
seem to stop.”
    He’s still holding my hand, stroking the back of it with
both of his thumbs, and my heart is jumping around wildly as I breathlessly
wait for him to finish.
    “It’s like I said last night. I suddenly had the opportunity
for you to see me in a different way, hear what I think about things, take me
seriously in a way you never have.”
    I make a strangled noise. “I always take you seriously. You’re
the one who always tries to lighten up deep conversations.”
    “I know. I know I do that. I always have. It’s hard for me
to…to go deep—even with you. But, as Rochester, I was able to do it because
there was this layer of distance between us. But all of it was really me. None
of it was a lie or an act. I might have started because I thought it would be
funny, but it stopped being funny a long time ago.”
    “So when…” I’m so overcome with emotion that I have to pause
and restart. “So when were you planning to tell me.”
    “I’ve been wanting to for weeks now, but then…” He gives a
rueful huff of laughter. “But then I started to get jealous. Of Rochester .
How ridiculous is that? But I started to worry that you were only interested in
that one part of me and not all the rest. So I kept stalling. I knew if I told
you, I’d have to tell you everything…about how I feel about you, I mean. And I
was so scared that it would change everything between us. It was just too much
to risk.”
    “And…and how do you feel?” I’m holding my breath now. I have
no idea why.
    His face softens, and his eyes are very tender. “I told you
last night. I love you—in every way a man can love a woman.”
    “We were…” I pause to swallow hard. “We were always best friends.”
    “I’m still your friend. I’m still your best friend.”
    “How long have you…” I can’t quite finish the question.
    He gives a little shrug. “I don’t know. I have no idea. For
a while. For a few years. I’ve always been attracted to you, even though I wasn’t
supposed to be. But eventually it just came together that I wanted even more
from you. But you were always dating someone else, and then your mom…your mom
died. So it never seemed like the right time to make a move.” He sighs.
“Besides, if you didn’t feel the same way, then it was just too much to risk.”
    “Yeah,” I breathe, understanding completely. More and more
often, I’ve been getting little flickers of interest and feeling for him—but
pushing them away immediately since they would unavoidably change things
between us, potentially come between us.
     We sit without speaking for a few minutes, the silence
broken only by the sound of our breathing.
    “So do you…” Nate’s raspy voice finally cuts through the
quiet. “Do you understand?”
    “Yeah. I understand.”
    “Are you still mad at me?”
    “A little.”
    “Do you…” He clears his throat. “Do