uncontrollably. “You said you’ll be here for me when it hurts!”
Silent sobs send quivers through my body. I gasp for air, needing some kind of escape. I grab the end of the picture frame and fling it hard to the opposite wall. The glass breaks and shatters into little pieces on the floor like my heart.
Ψ Ψ Ψ
Going back to school on Monday is almost impossible. I feel like an undead zombie as I trudge through the busy hallway. Even though there are so many bodies passing around me, I feel as lonely and lost as ever. My stomach feels sour and twisted. Whispers skitter in the room as I enter into calculus and settle myself into my seat in the far back, trying hard not to just break down in front of the entire rapt audience.
“So what’s up with the shitty mopey face?”
I look up to see Adrian and the memory of him sitting beside me on the beach the other day intrudes my mind. We’d sat there almost for the entire afternoon, feeding the seagulls and watching the sun move down the horizon. All that earlier kind of vulnerability has vanished and in its place is the usual cockiness. If he’s going to act like that day never happened, two can play at that game.
I dump my textbooks onto the desk, jarring him with the loud thud. “That’s none of your business.”
He shrugs. “Jesus. Just wondering. You’re pretty unexpected, you know. Going from being this let’s-all-hate-on-Adrian chick into this incapacitated lobotomy patient in less than two weeks.”
I sneer but he ignores me. I realize that this is what I need, diversion. I want him to argue with me. I need something other than this pit of grief in my stomach and overwhelming bitterness. Gripping the side of the table, I turn to look at him. “So does this mean you’ve acknowledged the fact that you almost jammed your disgusting tongue down my throat that day?”
“Hey.” Adrian shrugs. “You were there; I was there, my frustration overflowed. It just happened. And it wasn’t like you didn’t respond.”
The familiar feeling of annoyance flares in me and this time, I embrace it. “Shut up, dumbass,” I growl.
“Make me.”
I lean forward fast and my hand is brought forward when I stop myself with an inward scream. What am I doing? As quickly, I pull back and swat at his face. “Fly.”
I try to focus on Mrs. Henridge’s lecture in order to wipe my mind clean but there’s a crawling sick feeling in me threatening to go up. I look at the ticking clock and each minute hand seems to drag on. As I gaze at it, the black number letters seem to smudge together and I have to blink again.
My head pounds slowly as the hour wears on, the space between my eyes throbbing. I have the intense urge to close my eyes. Little black dots dance dizzily along the edges of my vision, making everything foggy. I rest my head on the desk to stop the dizziness but it only makes it worse.
Bile rises in my throat and I reflexively hunch over, clapping a hand to my mouth.
Adrian glances over to me, eyes questioning. “Are you tripping or something?” He asks, eyebrows contracting. “You look kind of pale. Not that you usually don’t but--”
I don’t answer, feeling hot and nauseous all over like I’m going to be sick. I abruptly stand up, banging the chair against the desk behind me. Immediately, I run out of the classroom with the teacher in mid-sentence.
I dash to the nearest washroom, the fluorescent lighting overhead swirling above me. I lean over the sink, looking into my reflection. My skin is sweaty white and eyes so wide that the pupils are pinpricks. Dark circles hang under my eyes. I try to breathe evenly, in short quick gasps. Squeezing my eyes shut and then opening them, all I can see in the mirror is a broken girl.
Splashing cold water over my face doesn’t help. I’m still burning up, an inch from vomiting.
“You in here?”
Whipping around, I see Adrian entering the washroom languidly
Silent sobs send quivers through my body. I gasp for air, needing some kind of escape. I grab the end of the picture frame and fling it hard to the opposite wall. The glass breaks and shatters into little pieces on the floor like my heart.
Ψ Ψ Ψ
Going back to school on Monday is almost impossible. I feel like an undead zombie as I trudge through the busy hallway. Even though there are so many bodies passing around me, I feel as lonely and lost as ever. My stomach feels sour and twisted. Whispers skitter in the room as I enter into calculus and settle myself into my seat in the far back, trying hard not to just break down in front of the entire rapt audience.
“So what’s up with the shitty mopey face?”
I look up to see Adrian and the memory of him sitting beside me on the beach the other day intrudes my mind. We’d sat there almost for the entire afternoon, feeding the seagulls and watching the sun move down the horizon. All that earlier kind of vulnerability has vanished and in its place is the usual cockiness. If he’s going to act like that day never happened, two can play at that game.
I dump my textbooks onto the desk, jarring him with the loud thud. “That’s none of your business.”
He shrugs. “Jesus. Just wondering. You’re pretty unexpected, you know. Going from being this let’s-all-hate-on-Adrian chick into this incapacitated lobotomy patient in less than two weeks.”
I sneer but he ignores me. I realize that this is what I need, diversion. I want him to argue with me. I need something other than this pit of grief in my stomach and overwhelming bitterness. Gripping the side of the table, I turn to look at him. “So does this mean you’ve acknowledged the fact that you almost jammed your disgusting tongue down my throat that day?”
“Hey.” Adrian shrugs. “You were there; I was there, my frustration overflowed. It just happened. And it wasn’t like you didn’t respond.”
The familiar feeling of annoyance flares in me and this time, I embrace it. “Shut up, dumbass,” I growl.
“Make me.”
I lean forward fast and my hand is brought forward when I stop myself with an inward scream. What am I doing? As quickly, I pull back and swat at his face. “Fly.”
I try to focus on Mrs. Henridge’s lecture in order to wipe my mind clean but there’s a crawling sick feeling in me threatening to go up. I look at the ticking clock and each minute hand seems to drag on. As I gaze at it, the black number letters seem to smudge together and I have to blink again.
My head pounds slowly as the hour wears on, the space between my eyes throbbing. I have the intense urge to close my eyes. Little black dots dance dizzily along the edges of my vision, making everything foggy. I rest my head on the desk to stop the dizziness but it only makes it worse.
Bile rises in my throat and I reflexively hunch over, clapping a hand to my mouth.
Adrian glances over to me, eyes questioning. “Are you tripping or something?” He asks, eyebrows contracting. “You look kind of pale. Not that you usually don’t but--”
I don’t answer, feeling hot and nauseous all over like I’m going to be sick. I abruptly stand up, banging the chair against the desk behind me. Immediately, I run out of the classroom with the teacher in mid-sentence.
I dash to the nearest washroom, the fluorescent lighting overhead swirling above me. I lean over the sink, looking into my reflection. My skin is sweaty white and eyes so wide that the pupils are pinpricks. Dark circles hang under my eyes. I try to breathe evenly, in short quick gasps. Squeezing my eyes shut and then opening them, all I can see in the mirror is a broken girl.
Splashing cold water over my face doesn’t help. I’m still burning up, an inch from vomiting.
“You in here?”
Whipping around, I see Adrian entering the washroom languidly
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