Read Online Charles and Emma by Deborah Heiligman - Free Book Online Page B

his other qualifications that most rare one of knowing how well to chuse a wife, a friend, companion, mother of his children, all of which men in general never think of…I know I shall love him.
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    Aunt Jessie was a devotee of palm reading, one of the “minor superstitions” that was in vogue, along with séances, phrenology, and physiognomy. She continued in her letter, “I knew you would be a Mrs. Darwin from your hands.”
    But Aunt Jessie didn’t quite have the whole picture from Emma’s letter. Jessie had known her fiancé very well, and she was madly in love with him. So even though some of her family hadn’t approved that she was marrying an Italian, not someone from their British social circle, her engagement was a time of social whirlwind and happiness. She and Sismondi hadn’t had to get to know each other. It was different for Charles and Emma; for them, the engagement was a time for discovery. There were things to talk about and work through, what kind of life they’d like, where they’d live—and then there was the religion question.
    Through letters and visits, Charles started to say things to Emma that he had been too nervous to say before. Although there was the risk of a broken engagement, it was unlikely. Emma was already in love and wanted to know what Charles thought about everything. His openness was something she prized. She wrote to Aunt Jessie, “He is the most open, transparent man I ever saw, and every word expresses his real thoughts. He is particularly affectionate and very nice to his father and sisters, and perfectly sweet tempered.”
    And Charles knew he had made the right decision; he was in love with Emma and he told her so. On the Wednesday after their engagement he wrote to her from Shrewsbury to say that “there was never anyone so lucky as I have been, or so good as you…I have thought how little I expressed how much I owe to you; and often as I think this, I vow to try to make myself good enough somewhat to deserve you.”
    Ever organized and practical, he went on to ask her to think about the decisions they would have to make—mostly where they would live. He asked her to make sure a fire was lit in the library when he returned to Maer on Saturday so they could sit next to the warmth and have “some quiet talk together.”
    Charles was worried that Emma would find life with him dull, since she was so used to the many lively family gatherings and parties at Maer. He loved Maer, too: “My life has been very happy and very fortunate, and many of my pleasantest remembrances are mingled up with scenes at Maer, and now it is crowned.” But he confessed to her that he had a great deal of work to do that preoccupied his mind. He had his boxes of specimens to analyze, and he had questions, thoughts, and ideas exploding inside of him. He was still worried about some items on the
Don’t Marry
side of his list, especially “lossof time.” Emma for her part was worried about, among other things, plays; Charles didn’t like them very much, and she would miss them if they never went to the theater.
    Charles couldn’t hide his excitement at their marriage, and he was already impatient. He could not wait until they would be together always. “Like a child that has something it loves beyond measure, I long to dwell on the words
my own
dear Emma.”
    He begged her not to show the letters to anyone; he said he wanted to feel like it was just the two of them, sitting side by side. “My own dear Emma, I kiss the hands with all humbleness and gratitude, which have so filled up for me the cup of happiness—It is my most earnest wish I may make myself worthy of you…Most affectionately yours, Chas. Darwin.”
    Charles knew that Emma was torn about leaving Maer, and leaving her sister Elizabeth alone to care for her sick parents. Josiah was now ill, too. Emma put herself in