Read Online Catskinner's Book (The Book Of Lost Doors) by Misha Burnett - Free Book Online Page A

that body close against mine. I wanted that, I wanted her close beside me, but I knew the danger of wanting.
    I found myself thinking about her strangeness—her green-in-green eyes, her toothless mouth, the way her jaw moved. I wondered how deep that strangeness went, what more was covered by her clothes.
    I remembered what she'd said, what she'd promised in exchange for food. I'd gotten her food and part of me wanted to take her up on it. Just once, a body like that, under me, doing what I wanted—
    She was looking at me, then, and my eyes met her sunglasses. She smiled, wide and open, as if she knew just what I was thinking and liked it.
    Dangerous. Very dangerous.
    I took a deep breath, let it out. Time to come back to reality.
    “Where do you want me to drop you off?” I asked.
    She looked sharply over at me. “I'm going with you.”
    I shook my head. “You can't.”
    “I can't?” Her eyebrows peeked over the top of her sunglasses.
    “You can't,” I repeated. “In the first place, I don't know where I'm going. And in the second place... I'm not a good person. You don't want to go anywhere with me.”
    “I think I do,” she said softly.
    That made me angry. Soft things, nice things, they weren't part of my life. Never had been, never could be. “Well, you're wrong. Look, this thing inside me, it kills people. It's very, very good at it.”
    “But it's not you.”
    “Yes! Yes, it is.” I tried to calm myself. “Catskinner and me, we're part of the same thing. I am a monster.” Surely I could make her understand that.
    “You're not the only one.”
    That gave me pause. I looked over at her for a moment, then back at the road. She wasn't human, or not entirely human, I reminded myself.
    “This is not going to have a happy ending.” I tried again, “People are going to get hurt. People are going to die. Maybe you.”
    A dry chuckle. “I'm hard to kill.”
    Well, that was something we had in common.
    “I don't—” I began.
    “I do,” she interrupted me.
    “You do what?”
    “You were going to say that you don't know where you're going or what you're doing. I do. I'm going with you, and I'm going to do whatever you're doing. The only way you're going to stop me is to throw me out of the van, and I don't think you're going to do that.”
    Before I could answer Catskinner did. “ he wouldn't. i would .”
    A slow nod. “Yes, you would. You'll kill me if you think I'm a threat to you.”
    “yes.”
    “I'm not. I can help you. I know things that you don't know. Things that you need to know.”
    Catskinner didn't answer her. After a while I did, slowly, stumbling over the words. “Do you know what you're asking me? If Catskinner decides you're dangerous, he'll kill you. He'll use my body to do it and I won't be able to stop him. Do you understand that? I'll have to watch you die.”
    “Is he really that much stronger than you are?”
    I shrugged. “Yes. No. I don't know. Strength really isn't the issue. It's . . . he's so fast. When he acts, I usually don't even know what he's doing until it's over.”
    She chewed that over. “I do understand, James. I won't make you watch me die.”
    I wished I could believe that. Inside I said, she's no threat to us. Honestly.
    you want her with us.
    I do.
    it is a mistake.
    Maybe. But she really does have useful information.
    No answer, at least no answer in words. Instead I felt his focus, shift, relax a bit. It was if Catskinner was no longer painting a target on her forehead—that's the best way I can explain it.
    I relaxed, too.
    “I'm not going to throw you out of the van,” I said.
    She smiled at me. “I like you,” she said. “It's like Stockholm syndrome.”
    “What?” It wasn't the most flattering thing anyone had ever said to me.
    “It's when a hostage falls in love with her captor,” Godiva explained.
    “I know what it is,” I groused. “You're not a hostage. I tried to get rid of you, remember?”
    She looked up at me, her sunglasses