Read Online CARNIVAL (The Spark Form Chronicles Book 2) by Matt Doyle - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Matt Doyle
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rest of me so that I don't fall apart again.
I'll be OK though. Yesterday was the hard day because everything was new and I didn't know if I'd be able to talk with Fahrn. Today, all the show stuff is just like yesterday and I already know that Fahrn wants to help me. Maria too. She's nice as well. Not like Jeanine, nice in a different way. Jeanine is really sweet but Maria makes me laugh more.
I turn another corner and walk up to the changing room door, but stop myself before grabbing the handle.
Everyone's been really nice to me. Maybe some of the people that I thought were mean were actually nice too and I just let myself think they were mean. I mean, I know some of them really were bad, but I can't really remember why I ran away so many times. Maybe I didn't really need to ... what did Fahrn call it? ... Hit the reset switch so many times.
But if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met Hong Chan and I wouldn't have been able to do all the things that I did yesterday.
I don't know.
I don't know what my body is trying to do right now.
I can't just decide to ignore it like Jeanine did with her nerves. I can't. I just ... I'm being silly again. I've done so much over the last few months. This should be easy. I can ignore it. Maybe then whatever it is that keeps hurting me will run away instead of me making me do it.
I grab the door handle, push, and walk into the changing room to find Hong Chan waiting for me with a smile on his face and a cup of hot chocolate in his hand.
FAHRN - 11:20
"I think we're making her nervous," Maria says, flashing Slade a wink and a cheeky smile.
"The famous Starchaser? Nervous?" Slade booms in response with his customary belly laugh. "Surely such a paragon of verbal fearlessness could not be reduced to a quivering wreck by the mere presence of her nearest and dearest?"
Maria giggles and I let myself relax into a smile. Or something close to one at least. The truth is, while I do believe that this thing with Dorian will be good for us, I don't really deal with change as well as I like to let on. No actually, that's not right. Change I can do, it's the risk taking that gets me with this. I never did like taking big risks, even when I was a Merc, but since Maria and I got together it's definitely gotten worse. I think that part of it is that I know how big a change it was for her to come on board Fenrir full time, and I don't like thinking that I'm putting her through too many other big changes. I like her feeling comfortable. Knights in shining armour don't hurt their fair maidens.
"C'mon Slade, I'm hardly a quivering wreck," I reply and immediately kick myself for the doubt in my voice.
"Compared to most people, no. By your standards though?" Slade answers his own question with a surprisingly controlled, quiet laugh.
"Can you blame me?" I ask, then sigh and shake my head. "I have no idea how I'm supposed to do this."
"You'll do fine," Maria replies. "Just do what you normally do. But different."
"Gee, thanks."
"Look at it like Fenrir," she says, crossing her arms just below her breasts and leaning back against the wall. "Remember how you told me that when you first got her you used to just go full on with everything? Really push her no matter what you were doing?" I nod and she continues, "Now though, you mix it up a bit. Sometimes you can ease her into things, other times you need to treat her rough like you used to. It all depends on what you're trying to do, right? And how do you know when to play nice with her and when to just give
I'll be OK though. Yesterday was the hard day because everything was new and I didn't know if I'd be able to talk with Fahrn. Today, all the show stuff is just like yesterday and I already know that Fahrn wants to help me. Maria too. She's nice as well. Not like Jeanine, nice in a different way. Jeanine is really sweet but Maria makes me laugh more.
I turn another corner and walk up to the changing room door, but stop myself before grabbing the handle.
Everyone's been really nice to me. Maybe some of the people that I thought were mean were actually nice too and I just let myself think they were mean. I mean, I know some of them really were bad, but I can't really remember why I ran away so many times. Maybe I didn't really need to ... what did Fahrn call it? ... Hit the reset switch so many times.
But if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met Hong Chan and I wouldn't have been able to do all the things that I did yesterday.
I don't know.
I don't know what my body is trying to do right now.
I can't just decide to ignore it like Jeanine did with her nerves. I can't. I just ... I'm being silly again. I've done so much over the last few months. This should be easy. I can ignore it. Maybe then whatever it is that keeps hurting me will run away instead of me making me do it.
I grab the door handle, push, and walk into the changing room to find Hong Chan waiting for me with a smile on his face and a cup of hot chocolate in his hand.
FAHRN - 11:20
"I think we're making her nervous," Maria says, flashing Slade a wink and a cheeky smile.
"The famous Starchaser? Nervous?" Slade booms in response with his customary belly laugh. "Surely such a paragon of verbal fearlessness could not be reduced to a quivering wreck by the mere presence of her nearest and dearest?"
Maria giggles and I let myself relax into a smile. Or something close to one at least. The truth is, while I do believe that this thing with Dorian will be good for us, I don't really deal with change as well as I like to let on. No actually, that's not right. Change I can do, it's the risk taking that gets me with this. I never did like taking big risks, even when I was a Merc, but since Maria and I got together it's definitely gotten worse. I think that part of it is that I know how big a change it was for her to come on board Fenrir full time, and I don't like thinking that I'm putting her through too many other big changes. I like her feeling comfortable. Knights in shining armour don't hurt their fair maidens.
"C'mon Slade, I'm hardly a quivering wreck," I reply and immediately kick myself for the doubt in my voice.
"Compared to most people, no. By your standards though?" Slade answers his own question with a surprisingly controlled, quiet laugh.
"Can you blame me?" I ask, then sigh and shake my head. "I have no idea how I'm supposed to do this."
"You'll do fine," Maria replies. "Just do what you normally do. But different."
"Gee, thanks."
"Look at it like Fenrir," she says, crossing her arms just below her breasts and leaning back against the wall. "Remember how you told me that when you first got her you used to just go full on with everything? Really push her no matter what you were doing?" I nod and she continues, "Now though, you mix it up a bit. Sometimes you can ease her into things, other times you need to treat her rough like you used to. It all depends on what you're trying to do, right? And how do you know when to play nice with her and when to just give
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