for the hair tie on the nightstand, winding her hair back on top of her head. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just … I’m not sure I’m ready. It reminds me of when we were trying to get pregnant. And what if I did get pregnant again? Would we still be able to adopt a baby? I want that more than anything.”
“I know you do, but … fuck.” I ran a hand through my hair, reminding myself to be calm and understanding. “Okay, so let’s get a baby, then. How long does that take?”
“Home studies take about 12 weeks, and then it’s just the wait for a baby to become available. It could happen right away or it could take a few months.”
“So three months minimum.”
“Yes, but Ryke … I don’t expect you to go that long. Anytime you want a blowjob, just tell me.”
“It’s not … that’s not what I want, Kate. You’re not a fucking whore I want to order up blowjobs from. Sex has always been a great part of our marriage, and I’m just … kind of fucking floored that it’s nothing to you whether we do it or not.”
“I love sex with you,” she said, lacing her fingers into mine. “You know I do. It’s just that we can have sex for the rest of our lives, and I don’t want to screw up the chance to get a baby. If I got pregnant now, I don’t think I’d recover. We could lose our spot for a baby and I could end up losing another baby with a miscarriage. I just can’t do it.”
“I know. So listen, you want a baby more than anything, and I want to make it happen. I’ll make some calls and we’ll bypass this bullshit 12 week thing.”
She furrowed her brows. “What do you mean?”
I rubbed my thumb over my fingers. “Money is the fast track to everything, baby. Trust me.”
“No! Ryke, no. We can’t take a baby another couple has been waiting for by using your money. That’s not right. I want to do this the right way.”
I sprang out of bed, anger tightening my chest.
“Are you mad at me?” she asked, sounding shocked.
“I’m just pissed off in general.” I located my shirt and pulled it on.
“Are you leaving?”
“I’m gonna go for a run.”
Kate got up from the bed and approached me. “I don’t even know why you’re mad.”
“Because you don’t care if we have sex! Because you just got out of the depression from the miscarriage and now you’ve thrown yourself into adopting a baby, and I’m realizing the days of me being important to you are over!”
“Ryke!” Her face crumpled with hurt. “How can you say that?”
“How can I not? You don’t come to my games, but you’ll take any other excuse to keep yourself busy. And without sex, aren’t we just … friends who live together and have a joint bank account?”
She stomped to the bedside table and picked up the box of condoms, whipping it at my chest. “Put one on and I’ll spread my legs right now! I thought I was married to you, but apparently I’m married to your dick!”
I could’ve. Her bad mood wasn’t the turnoff it should have been. Even with her eyes narrowed and her cheeks pink with anger, I couldn’t help staring at her bare tits and the way a big curl of her blonde hair was brushing the bottom of one. She was beautiful all the time.
I scrubbed a hand over my face, trying to process her disdain for me. Angry as I was, I’d learned in my first marriage that words could never be unsaid. Maggie and I had both said things in the heat of the moment we’d regretted later.
“I’m going for a run,” I said levelly. “And when I get back, I’m gonna play some video games in the hockey room and sleep in there tonight. I think we both need some space before we talk again.”
She retreated to the bed, looking for her shirt. I picked up the rest of my clothes and grabbed my running shoes from the closet. I wished I could go back to the rink and beat Mayweather’s ass again. This, I hadn’t seen coming. It was the first time I’d ever wanted to get away from Kate.
***
My
“I know you do, but … fuck.” I ran a hand through my hair, reminding myself to be calm and understanding. “Okay, so let’s get a baby, then. How long does that take?”
“Home studies take about 12 weeks, and then it’s just the wait for a baby to become available. It could happen right away or it could take a few months.”
“So three months minimum.”
“Yes, but Ryke … I don’t expect you to go that long. Anytime you want a blowjob, just tell me.”
“It’s not … that’s not what I want, Kate. You’re not a fucking whore I want to order up blowjobs from. Sex has always been a great part of our marriage, and I’m just … kind of fucking floored that it’s nothing to you whether we do it or not.”
“I love sex with you,” she said, lacing her fingers into mine. “You know I do. It’s just that we can have sex for the rest of our lives, and I don’t want to screw up the chance to get a baby. If I got pregnant now, I don’t think I’d recover. We could lose our spot for a baby and I could end up losing another baby with a miscarriage. I just can’t do it.”
“I know. So listen, you want a baby more than anything, and I want to make it happen. I’ll make some calls and we’ll bypass this bullshit 12 week thing.”
She furrowed her brows. “What do you mean?”
I rubbed my thumb over my fingers. “Money is the fast track to everything, baby. Trust me.”
“No! Ryke, no. We can’t take a baby another couple has been waiting for by using your money. That’s not right. I want to do this the right way.”
I sprang out of bed, anger tightening my chest.
“Are you mad at me?” she asked, sounding shocked.
“I’m just pissed off in general.” I located my shirt and pulled it on.
“Are you leaving?”
“I’m gonna go for a run.”
Kate got up from the bed and approached me. “I don’t even know why you’re mad.”
“Because you don’t care if we have sex! Because you just got out of the depression from the miscarriage and now you’ve thrown yourself into adopting a baby, and I’m realizing the days of me being important to you are over!”
“Ryke!” Her face crumpled with hurt. “How can you say that?”
“How can I not? You don’t come to my games, but you’ll take any other excuse to keep yourself busy. And without sex, aren’t we just … friends who live together and have a joint bank account?”
She stomped to the bedside table and picked up the box of condoms, whipping it at my chest. “Put one on and I’ll spread my legs right now! I thought I was married to you, but apparently I’m married to your dick!”
I could’ve. Her bad mood wasn’t the turnoff it should have been. Even with her eyes narrowed and her cheeks pink with anger, I couldn’t help staring at her bare tits and the way a big curl of her blonde hair was brushing the bottom of one. She was beautiful all the time.
I scrubbed a hand over my face, trying to process her disdain for me. Angry as I was, I’d learned in my first marriage that words could never be unsaid. Maggie and I had both said things in the heat of the moment we’d regretted later.
“I’m going for a run,” I said levelly. “And when I get back, I’m gonna play some video games in the hockey room and sleep in there tonight. I think we both need some space before we talk again.”
She retreated to the bed, looking for her shirt. I picked up the rest of my clothes and grabbed my running shoes from the closet. I wished I could go back to the rink and beat Mayweather’s ass again. This, I hadn’t seen coming. It was the first time I’d ever wanted to get away from Kate.
***
My
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