Read Online Candy by Mian Mian - Free Book Online

travel up to Beijing so that Saining and I could celebrate my twenty-second birthday together.
    On the phone, Saining told me that he was going to be out at the Great Wall doing performance art on the afternoon when I was to arrive. I said, I’m coming just to see you, but you couldn’t care less. Since when are you so interested in performance art? And what is performance art, anyway? He said that he had to go, that he was already committed, but that looking at the times, he was absolutely certain he would be able to meet me at the airport. I said, At five or six in the evening the roads in Beijing are bound to be jammed. He said he could guarantee that he’d be there for me on time. Lastly, he said he missed me.
    The next day I waited at the airport for four hours. By the time Saining showed up, I was a wreck.
    When I saw who he was with, the situation quickly spun out of control. The guy he’d brought along was someone who had stolen money from Saining in the past. He went around telling people he was a Buddhist, and while he clearly knew a lot about Buddhist teachings, he still struck me as a very immoral person. On top of this, I thought he treated Saining badly. Saining appeared to be well aware of this person’s faults, but he nonetheless treated him better than he treated me. I was certain that he was the one who had dragged Saining into the performance art piece. Beijing was full of slackers like him.
    I wanted to go to the most expensive place in Beijing for dinner, and Saining took me to Wangfu, where I ordered the priciest champagne on the menu. I was drinking on an empty stomach, and the alcohol hit me fast. That person I despised just sat off to the side, eating and going on and on about his lack of interest in me. After I’d had a bit to drink, I started berating Saining. He argued back. A lot of people were looking at us, and a waiter came over to intervene. The waiter said, He didn’t do it on purpose; he didn’t mean to. Saining said, You see? Even he can tell I didn’t do it on purpose. When I heard this, I picked up my bottle of birthday champagne and broke it over Saining’s head. Shattered glass went flying, and champagne sprayed everywhere.
    The police showed up, and Saining dragged me into the elevator, where I started hitting him. We got out of the elevator, and Saining carted me outside and pushed me into a car. The door closed behind me. I felt like killing him.
    I have never genuinely wanted to kill someone. Except for that night.
    I pictured him sitting beside me, pictured him breathing his last breath right before my eyes, and my entire being was focused on this fantasy. I wanted to kill him. I thought of all the times he’d hurt me, and I started shaking. I took a penknife out of my makeup bag, imagining that this small but very sharp knife could kill someone. Just then, that son of a bitch got into the car. If I was going to kill Saining, I had to do it now.
    The car started moving. I didn’t dare try to kill Saining. I realized that if I killed him, his goddamned friends would know it was me, and I wouldn’t be able to get away.
    I took the knife and started gouging holes in the car. Saining said, This isn’t my car. He glanced at the driver and added, And it’s not his car either! I made a cut in Saining’s arm. It was then that I realized there was blood on his face, and in his hair. I was crying, and then I was screaming and shouting. Saining yelled, Stop the car! He jumped out, pulled out my luggage, and then dragged me out of the car. He got back into the car, and as he was shutting the door, I said, Please don’t go! I’m still mad at you! But the car kept going.
    I finally calmed down. I thought that if I waited there long enough, he would come back, but I hailed a cab. I told the driver to take me to the airport. When we got there, the airport was completely dark. I said, Take me to the airport hotel.
    After checking into my hotel room, I drank every bottle of liquor