Read Online Candlemoth: A Holy City Romance by Pauline West - Free Book Online
Authors: Pauline West
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couldn’t escape the sensation. It began to roll up through me like a hot wave, building and rolling.
Oh shit, oh no...
I lurched to a stop at the light, and the old van rattled so bad when I put it into neutral that I honked the horn. I glanced over all sweaty-faced at the old couple sitting in the car next to me. They were staring.
“Sorry!” I mouthed down at them, all awkward, waving one-handed, like some psycho beauty queen.
The light changed to green and I lurched forward again. Great, I thought, wiping my eyes. Now they’ll probably call the cops, and I’ve got booze on my breath, and I’ll probably start coming again as the cop walks up to the window. Great, everything’s just great.
And oh, let’s see, what else. Ryland Calhoun is an asshole?
Worse still, what if that was what I liked best about him?
==== C hapter ==============================================
One of the ways I figured I could escape my past was to end up with a great guy like my step dad. Steve made everyone around him somehow turn into the best version of themselves, just by being near him. I figured, if I could be with someone who was simple and honest and good, maybe I’d have a better chance of turning out that way myself.
It seemed to me that money probably ruined all of that, made people greedy and dishonest. Everybody knows that once you have money, all you want is more. It’s like cocaine. I mean, not that I would know… but I didn’t trust rich people any more than I would trust a wolf.
I’d experimented with this theory. The only guy I’ve ever had sex with was Steve’s best friend, Mark. He was the nicest guy I’d ever met, besides Steve. (And I’m not saying this was a great idea. I know what you’re thinking about me now. But I was seventeen.)
Anyway. The stuff with Mark happened by accident, sort of like when you start rolling down a hill and suddenly realize that the hill is steeper than you thought. But all of a sudden you’re going too fast to stop.
Then it’s over, and you’re all sticky and bruised and gross.
The thing with Mark happened only twice. Both times, afterwards, I had the feeling of hating something I knew you were supposed to enjoy. For some reason, that made me feel guiltier still.
Anyway, if Steve ever found out, he’d be furious with both of us. So when I told Mark I wanted to stop messing around, he agreed. He said he’d been about to tell me the same thing. Then we pretended like nothing had happened, and that was that.
And ‘that’ was the sum total of my sex life. I figured there was a chance it would always be.
But Ry Calhoun had the Midas touch.
I felt like a different woman since we’d met. He lit me up like a match dropped into gasoline. My body and mind were on fire for him. Angry as I was, I couldn’t keep myself away from Ry any more than a moth can avoid the flame.
“I fucked up with Ry,” I announced to Beren that night on the phone. “Big time. Help me fix it.”
“Oh girl. Say the magic words,” he preened.
I sighed. “Do I have to?”
“Yes.” Beren snorted. In my mind’s eye I could picture him rolling his eyes.
“You can pick out my outfit,” I said.
“What was that, darlin?” Beren said, sweetly. “I cahnn’t hear youuuu!”
“You can pick out my outfit!”
So the next morning we were on King street, checking out the shops.
“Ah, we deserve this! I have definitely been working too much,” Beren grumbled, taking my arm to steer me into a store. “I bumped into a damn chair this morning and apologized to
Oh shit, oh no...
I lurched to a stop at the light, and the old van rattled so bad when I put it into neutral that I honked the horn. I glanced over all sweaty-faced at the old couple sitting in the car next to me. They were staring.
“Sorry!” I mouthed down at them, all awkward, waving one-handed, like some psycho beauty queen.
The light changed to green and I lurched forward again. Great, I thought, wiping my eyes. Now they’ll probably call the cops, and I’ve got booze on my breath, and I’ll probably start coming again as the cop walks up to the window. Great, everything’s just great.
And oh, let’s see, what else. Ryland Calhoun is an asshole?
Worse still, what if that was what I liked best about him?
==== C hapter ==============================================
One of the ways I figured I could escape my past was to end up with a great guy like my step dad. Steve made everyone around him somehow turn into the best version of themselves, just by being near him. I figured, if I could be with someone who was simple and honest and good, maybe I’d have a better chance of turning out that way myself.
It seemed to me that money probably ruined all of that, made people greedy and dishonest. Everybody knows that once you have money, all you want is more. It’s like cocaine. I mean, not that I would know… but I didn’t trust rich people any more than I would trust a wolf.
I’d experimented with this theory. The only guy I’ve ever had sex with was Steve’s best friend, Mark. He was the nicest guy I’d ever met, besides Steve. (And I’m not saying this was a great idea. I know what you’re thinking about me now. But I was seventeen.)
Anyway. The stuff with Mark happened by accident, sort of like when you start rolling down a hill and suddenly realize that the hill is steeper than you thought. But all of a sudden you’re going too fast to stop.
Then it’s over, and you’re all sticky and bruised and gross.
The thing with Mark happened only twice. Both times, afterwards, I had the feeling of hating something I knew you were supposed to enjoy. For some reason, that made me feel guiltier still.
Anyway, if Steve ever found out, he’d be furious with both of us. So when I told Mark I wanted to stop messing around, he agreed. He said he’d been about to tell me the same thing. Then we pretended like nothing had happened, and that was that.
And ‘that’ was the sum total of my sex life. I figured there was a chance it would always be.
But Ry Calhoun had the Midas touch.
I felt like a different woman since we’d met. He lit me up like a match dropped into gasoline. My body and mind were on fire for him. Angry as I was, I couldn’t keep myself away from Ry any more than a moth can avoid the flame.
“I fucked up with Ry,” I announced to Beren that night on the phone. “Big time. Help me fix it.”
“Oh girl. Say the magic words,” he preened.
I sighed. “Do I have to?”
“Yes.” Beren snorted. In my mind’s eye I could picture him rolling his eyes.
“You can pick out my outfit,” I said.
“What was that, darlin?” Beren said, sweetly. “I cahnn’t hear youuuu!”
“You can pick out my outfit!”
So the next morning we were on King street, checking out the shops.
“Ah, we deserve this! I have definitely been working too much,” Beren grumbled, taking my arm to steer me into a store. “I bumped into a damn chair this morning and apologized to
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