Read Online Call the Midlife by Chris Evans - Free Book Online Page B

realize is that often my job is the successful management of couples who have decided to part. Sometimes it’s better to agree to dance in the rain instead of sticking together, being miserable in the sun.’
    ‘Should more couples seek help than actually do?’ I ask.
    ‘People have to realize first that they need help and second that they want help, it’s counterproductive otherwise. So the direct answer to your question is no, but if you were to ask me would more couples benefit from counselling then the answer would undoubtedly be yes.’
    ‘So why don’t they?’
    ‘Because unlike a bleeding wound that’s spilling out on to the floor, feelings and emotions are not visible to the naked eye. And if something’s not visible, people think they can hide it, even from themselves. They say seeing is believing, but I’ve found often in life it’s the opposite.
    ‘Some people see counselling as an admission of defeat or a sign of weakness, especially if they’re successful in other aspects of their life. Though this attitude is entirely understandable, it’s about as logical as saying you’re never going to brush your teeth again because that would mean having to admit they might be furry.
    ‘The simplest thing about anything breaking down, especially relationships, is to try not to let things get out of hand in the first place. Get to know the danger signs and look out for them on adaily/weekly basis. If you keep watering the flowers, they stand a better chance of living longer than if you forget.
    ‘This is the best approach. For example, I am a huge fan of dedicated and regular date days for couples. Never be afraid of it just being the two of you – you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Remember that’s how you started, for heaven’s sake. A daily half-hour catch up, or dinner sitting opposite each other without the kids, phones off – all the obvious stuff. But sometimes so obvious people we mistake thinking about doing it for actually doing it.’
    How about not having enough time?
    ‘Quite frankly, make time. You would if the Queen suddenly turned up unannounced. Well, just imagine she has. Half an hour every day out of twenty-four is nothing compared to how much it will benefit you.
    ‘In essence, treat your relationship with your partner, and the whole of your life for that matter, like you would a car. Regular maintenance is the key to it running smoothly and sustainably. The topping-up of levels and the checking of temperatures and pressures, plus a ten-thousand-mile major service at least once a year is vital.
    ‘If you can’t be bothered to look after it, then don’t be surprised when it eventually gives up on you. Especially when the road gets, rocky, sticky and sweaty.’
    And with that I sensed my time was up. She’d given me the look. My cue to chance my arm with the question I’d decided days before would be my last:
    If she could suggest a cheat sheet of handy hints for a healthy marriage, what might be on it? Reluctantly she turned around, reached into her desk drawer and handed me a printed sheet.
    ‘Now, whatever might be on there, there’s no guarantees to any of it, that’s the most important thing I ask you to remember. Don’t read it now, save it for later.’
     
    Back downstairs, the descent far more manageable than the climb up, Dr H smiles as she shakes my hand, this time much happier to hold my gaze.
    In the car all I can think of is getting home to read the magic recipe, resting in the crisp white envelope on the passenger seat next to me. Several times during my journey I glance across, desperate to take a look. But no, this is too important to speed-read every time I hit a red light.
    Eventually I arrive home, the world outside Dr H’s inner sanctum already filtering its way back into my consciousness. Immediately through the door, I put the kettle on, make a cup of tea and bounce upstairs. I plonk myself on the bed and unfold the three sheets of