Read Online Butter Safe Than Sorry by Tamar Myers - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Tamar Myers
Tags: Religión, Fiction, General, Mystery & Detective, Women Sleuths, Crime, Mystery Fiction, Christianity, Hotelkeepers, Bank Robberies, Mennonite, Mennonites, Pennsylvania Dutch Country (Pa.), Yoder; Magdalena (Fictitious character)
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continue to find you underfoot, as I have been for the last three weeks?"
"Three weeks?" gasped Gabe. "You told me you were taking a drawing class in Bedford."
I focused my gaze adoringly on the love of my life. "Darling," I said, "I was in Bedford drawing on my life experience. You know that I have a tendency to swallow the end of my sentences." I turned my watery blue eyes to the sheriff. "It's a habit I've developed from having to eat so much crow."
"I would have thought you'd have some mighty tasty recipes by now, Miss Yoder."
"Touche."
"Oy veys meer," Gabe moaned.
The sheriff jerked his attention back to Gabe. "What was that?"
"Nothing, Sheriff. Really. I'm just admiring the repartee you're have with my wife."
"The what ?"
"Our jolly banter, dear," I said, as I gently pushed the much larger man toward the parlor door and the outer vestibule beyond.
"Uh-huh. Well, I've known her since she was knee- high to a grasshopper," he said without a trace of shame.
After all, I'm ten years older than the sheriff and I used to babysit him . He was an ornery little thing too; once he put a banana up the exhaust pipe of my papa's car, and another time he took a bite out of more than a dozen freshly baked cookies that Mama had made for the church bake sale to raise money to buy layettes for newborns in the Congo.
I pushed harder. The sheriff stumbled backward, but he was never in any danger of actually falling on his well-upholstered hinnie. Hitherto unnoticed by me, all of my guests had gathered in the aforementioned vestibule--the better to hear our conversation.
8
"Well, if that doesn't beat all," Agnes said, as she mashed her fork tines down on the remaining crumbs of the carrot cake I'd brought. "The very fact that the sheriff came out to your place to warn you off the case is a clear sign that where there's smoke, there's fire."
"Sometimes there's just a good fire sale. Agnes, dear, you do realize that you just ate an entire cake, don't you?"
"It's carrot cake; it's good for you. Think of it as another way of me getting my vegetables."
"And the cream cheese icing?"
"Is really none of your business, is it, Magdalena? You brought me the cake as a gift. You said you didn't want any. So what I did with it was my business."
I sighed. She was right, of course.
"Sorry," I said. "I guess it's hard for me to switch gears from being a mommy."
"Oh, come off it, Magdalena; you've always been bossy. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, when used against others, being bossy can even be an amusing trait. Just don't pull that stuff on me."
I stared at my friend. Agnes stared back through round rimless glasses. No, ding dang it, she didn't even have the courtesy to look me in the eye, but instead appeared to be focused outside, possibly on the hillside behind me.
"Say something erudite, Agnes," I said. "I'm sure it will go right over my head."
"You were followed, Magdalena."
"Oh yeah, the KGB has been hot on my trail all morning."
"Joke if you want, my friend, but when you pulled into my driveway this morning a car passed exactly five seconds behind you, turned around, and drove by nine seconds later. Then, as I was setting out the plates for our cake, I saw this woman hiking up over the crest of that hill, and there she is right now, staring at you through a pair of binoculars."
I spun so fast in my seat that I came dangerously close to tipping my chair all the way over. Since Agnes is not the world's most conscientious housekeeper, I might well have put my exposed body parts in contact with varieties of mold as yet unclassified by science. Still, it was worth the risk; sure enough there was a woman looking right at us.
"Why, I'll be a monkey's uncle!"
"You don't believe in evolution, Magdalena. And you're far too curvaceous to be an uncle. What say you we go out and confront this interloper?"
"Let us lope away!" I cried, as I whipped my coat off the back of my chair.
Agnes was more of a huffer and a
"Three weeks?" gasped Gabe. "You told me you were taking a drawing class in Bedford."
I focused my gaze adoringly on the love of my life. "Darling," I said, "I was in Bedford drawing on my life experience. You know that I have a tendency to swallow the end of my sentences." I turned my watery blue eyes to the sheriff. "It's a habit I've developed from having to eat so much crow."
"I would have thought you'd have some mighty tasty recipes by now, Miss Yoder."
"Touche."
"Oy veys meer," Gabe moaned.
The sheriff jerked his attention back to Gabe. "What was that?"
"Nothing, Sheriff. Really. I'm just admiring the repartee you're have with my wife."
"The what ?"
"Our jolly banter, dear," I said, as I gently pushed the much larger man toward the parlor door and the outer vestibule beyond.
"Uh-huh. Well, I've known her since she was knee- high to a grasshopper," he said without a trace of shame.
After all, I'm ten years older than the sheriff and I used to babysit him . He was an ornery little thing too; once he put a banana up the exhaust pipe of my papa's car, and another time he took a bite out of more than a dozen freshly baked cookies that Mama had made for the church bake sale to raise money to buy layettes for newborns in the Congo.
I pushed harder. The sheriff stumbled backward, but he was never in any danger of actually falling on his well-upholstered hinnie. Hitherto unnoticed by me, all of my guests had gathered in the aforementioned vestibule--the better to hear our conversation.
8
"Well, if that doesn't beat all," Agnes said, as she mashed her fork tines down on the remaining crumbs of the carrot cake I'd brought. "The very fact that the sheriff came out to your place to warn you off the case is a clear sign that where there's smoke, there's fire."
"Sometimes there's just a good fire sale. Agnes, dear, you do realize that you just ate an entire cake, don't you?"
"It's carrot cake; it's good for you. Think of it as another way of me getting my vegetables."
"And the cream cheese icing?"
"Is really none of your business, is it, Magdalena? You brought me the cake as a gift. You said you didn't want any. So what I did with it was my business."
I sighed. She was right, of course.
"Sorry," I said. "I guess it's hard for me to switch gears from being a mommy."
"Oh, come off it, Magdalena; you've always been bossy. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, when used against others, being bossy can even be an amusing trait. Just don't pull that stuff on me."
I stared at my friend. Agnes stared back through round rimless glasses. No, ding dang it, she didn't even have the courtesy to look me in the eye, but instead appeared to be focused outside, possibly on the hillside behind me.
"Say something erudite, Agnes," I said. "I'm sure it will go right over my head."
"You were followed, Magdalena."
"Oh yeah, the KGB has been hot on my trail all morning."
"Joke if you want, my friend, but when you pulled into my driveway this morning a car passed exactly five seconds behind you, turned around, and drove by nine seconds later. Then, as I was setting out the plates for our cake, I saw this woman hiking up over the crest of that hill, and there she is right now, staring at you through a pair of binoculars."
I spun so fast in my seat that I came dangerously close to tipping my chair all the way over. Since Agnes is not the world's most conscientious housekeeper, I might well have put my exposed body parts in contact with varieties of mold as yet unclassified by science. Still, it was worth the risk; sure enough there was a woman looking right at us.
"Why, I'll be a monkey's uncle!"
"You don't believe in evolution, Magdalena. And you're far too curvaceous to be an uncle. What say you we go out and confront this interloper?"
"Let us lope away!" I cried, as I whipped my coat off the back of my chair.
Agnes was more of a huffer and a
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