*
Chang had the door open before I reached his office and when I walked inside, he was standing in front of the desk.
When I saw his head lower, I wanted to take off running.
But the anger inside me took over and spilled out.
“I’m getting damn sick and tired of seeing the top of everybody’s head. Am I that fucking hard to look at now? Do you look at me and see Jude’s Whore tattooed on my forehead?”
Chang flinched, like I’d stabbed him with silver.
“No, Kit. Of course not.”
And he still stared at his damned feet.
“Then why in the hell is everybody suddenly so interested in their shoes when I walk up?” I demanded.
A quiet sigh escaped him and he turned away. As he did, he lifted his head and it was just another lash across my heart. He could look up now. If he wasn’t face-to-face with me, he’d look up. Son of a bitch.
I’d called him my friend—
“It’s not you, Kit,” he said quietly. “It’s us. We failed you.”
Staring at the back of his head, I flexed my hand absently. Even though I knew it was a waste of time, it was still a punch in the gut, knowing I couldn’t call her.
Useless…broken …
Still, I didn’t need a sword to relieve the fury inside me. Pounding my fists against the nearest hard surface might help; Chang’s head would suffice.
“You’re the woman Damon chose for himself.”
I tensed at his voice.
Now I was the one to turn away. Averting my head, I shoved my hands into my pockets. “Chang, don’t.”
But it was like he didn’t hear me. “You’re his,” he continued. “And by extension...ours. If you were a shifter, this would translate to different things for us. Had he chosen a shifter for his partner, she may or may not have been somebody who’d been his equal. We don’t hold to any mindset that he has to pick his physical match.”
I snorted. “He’d never find that .”
“No. He wouldn’t. But he found somebody who suited him, and somebody who was his match in other ways. It was you. And as you weren’t as strong physically as a shifter, it was up to us, those who hold ourselves loyal to him, to protect you in the ways you couldn’t. If you aren’t as strong as some, we could make up for that. If you aren’t as fast, we are. It was our duty to make sure you were cared for. And we failed. You proved yourself worthy of him, but we’ve proven ourselves not worthy of you.”
I couldn’t even describe what was going through me as those words fell between us. You’re his…
No. No, I wasn’t. But I guess they didn’t know that. They were beating themselves up over nothing.
Spinning on my heel, I headed over to Chang’s weapons wall. It had always soothed me. Maybe I couldn’t call them anymore, but weapons were my security blanket and just looking at them made me feel better.
There was one katana that had always drawn my eye. He gleamed like silver magic under the lights. Absently, I touched my fingers to his hilt. His music was gone, too.
I’d lost them all. No connection to any of them now.
“You’re all getting worked up over nothing then,” I said, forcing the words out as I continued to stroke my hand down the blade’s hilt. “It ended the night Jude kidnapped me. Damon had dumped me. I guess word didn’t get around. You’re all kicking yourself for no reason, so just stop it already. I’m getting sick and tired of staring at people’s skulls and I don’t care what the reason is.”
“It isn’t over for Damon, Kit. His connection to you is permanent.”
Goodbye, Kit .
I closed my eyes against the ache inside me. “No. It wasn’t. He walked away from me. I was in the middle of a job and I had to see it done. But it was something that was hurting him and he needed something I couldn’t give him. In the end, what he needed and what I needed didn’t meet up and he ended—”
“If I may interrupt,” Chang said and his voice was no longer quite so malleable. No longer quite so gentle and polite.
Chang had the door open before I reached his office and when I walked inside, he was standing in front of the desk.
When I saw his head lower, I wanted to take off running.
But the anger inside me took over and spilled out.
“I’m getting damn sick and tired of seeing the top of everybody’s head. Am I that fucking hard to look at now? Do you look at me and see Jude’s Whore tattooed on my forehead?”
Chang flinched, like I’d stabbed him with silver.
“No, Kit. Of course not.”
And he still stared at his damned feet.
“Then why in the hell is everybody suddenly so interested in their shoes when I walk up?” I demanded.
A quiet sigh escaped him and he turned away. As he did, he lifted his head and it was just another lash across my heart. He could look up now. If he wasn’t face-to-face with me, he’d look up. Son of a bitch.
I’d called him my friend—
“It’s not you, Kit,” he said quietly. “It’s us. We failed you.”
Staring at the back of his head, I flexed my hand absently. Even though I knew it was a waste of time, it was still a punch in the gut, knowing I couldn’t call her.
Useless…broken …
Still, I didn’t need a sword to relieve the fury inside me. Pounding my fists against the nearest hard surface might help; Chang’s head would suffice.
“You’re the woman Damon chose for himself.”
I tensed at his voice.
Now I was the one to turn away. Averting my head, I shoved my hands into my pockets. “Chang, don’t.”
But it was like he didn’t hear me. “You’re his,” he continued. “And by extension...ours. If you were a shifter, this would translate to different things for us. Had he chosen a shifter for his partner, she may or may not have been somebody who’d been his equal. We don’t hold to any mindset that he has to pick his physical match.”
I snorted. “He’d never find that .”
“No. He wouldn’t. But he found somebody who suited him, and somebody who was his match in other ways. It was you. And as you weren’t as strong physically as a shifter, it was up to us, those who hold ourselves loyal to him, to protect you in the ways you couldn’t. If you aren’t as strong as some, we could make up for that. If you aren’t as fast, we are. It was our duty to make sure you were cared for. And we failed. You proved yourself worthy of him, but we’ve proven ourselves not worthy of you.”
I couldn’t even describe what was going through me as those words fell between us. You’re his…
No. No, I wasn’t. But I guess they didn’t know that. They were beating themselves up over nothing.
Spinning on my heel, I headed over to Chang’s weapons wall. It had always soothed me. Maybe I couldn’t call them anymore, but weapons were my security blanket and just looking at them made me feel better.
There was one katana that had always drawn my eye. He gleamed like silver magic under the lights. Absently, I touched my fingers to his hilt. His music was gone, too.
I’d lost them all. No connection to any of them now.
“You’re all getting worked up over nothing then,” I said, forcing the words out as I continued to stroke my hand down the blade’s hilt. “It ended the night Jude kidnapped me. Damon had dumped me. I guess word didn’t get around. You’re all kicking yourself for no reason, so just stop it already. I’m getting sick and tired of staring at people’s skulls and I don’t care what the reason is.”
“It isn’t over for Damon, Kit. His connection to you is permanent.”
Goodbye, Kit .
I closed my eyes against the ache inside me. “No. It wasn’t. He walked away from me. I was in the middle of a job and I had to see it done. But it was something that was hurting him and he needed something I couldn’t give him. In the end, what he needed and what I needed didn’t meet up and he ended—”
“If I may interrupt,” Chang said and his voice was no longer quite so malleable. No longer quite so gentle and polite.
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