would be hard to define if we ever needed to explain it.
“You have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow Ally.” Ian says over dinner. “What?” I am shocked. I didn’t realize I needed to go back. “Yes, it is a post op appointment with the surgeon.” “Oh.” I say, biting my lip. “Do you need me to take you, or do you want to drive yourself?” He asks as he helps himself to more meatloaf. “Umm, I don’t have a car.” I mumble. “Really?” He seems honestly surprised. “Ally, how can you not have a car and live out here? What if you need to get something? Go somewhere?” Great, he looks concerned now. “I don’t go anywhere.” I say simply. “What do you mean you don’t go anywhere ? I take a slow breath. “Exactly what I said. I. Don’t. Go. Anywhere.” Ian puts his fork down and grabs my hand from across the table. “When was the last time you left your house Ally—I mean before the surgery?” I look down at my plate, trying to think of a way to answer this without him seeing how crazy I am. I have a million things running through my head, and then I feel a small squeeze on my hand. Looking up into his dark eyes, I say “Before the surgery, I hadn’t been off my land for almost 2 years.”
“Shit Ally!” He gasps, and I pull my hand away from him—like I had been burned, as he stares at me. He takes his hands and runs them through his hair. I can tell he is trying to sound calm, and it just pisses me off. “Look Ally, I didn’t mean…” Standing up, I carry my plate to the trash and scrape it. “Stop it Ian! Look, I don’t need your pity, and I don’t need you to tell me I’m screwed up! Trust me, I am well aware of it!” Standing and walking toward me, Ian softly says, “Ally, I didn’t mean that, it just surprised me, that’s all.”
Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath. “Ally, I just wish I knew why. I wish I could understand—know why you choose to be so alone.” “Choose?” I can’t help it, everything he says right now just infuriates me. “You think I choose this?” I say swinging my hand around my surroundings. “Why are you out here Ian? Did you choose this? Choose to be alone and tortured?” He looks like I just hit him. I take a break, try to calm down, but I can’t. “If you think I am here, like this because I want to be, you haven’t learned a damn thing about me in the past 2 weeks!”
“Damn it Ally!” He bangs his hand so hard on the counter that it makes me jump. “That’s just it! I want to know more about you! I want you to trust me enough to tell me what happened to you.” He walks toward me and reaches out. At first I think he’s going to touch my face, but instead he reaches to the right side of my head and slowly drags his finger across my scar. He is so close to me that I can feel the warmth of his breath on my forehead as he looks down at me. “Please Ally, trust me. What happened? Why are you here like this?” Without taking my eyes off of his, I reach up and move his hand away from my head, dropping it back to his side. “I’m here—like this—because I didn’t die when I had the chance.”
Chapter 24
~Ian
I watch her turn and walk to her bedroom. I am stunned. I stand there, by myself in the kitchen for at least ten minutes before I feel the need to get away. I pull on my boots and walk out the door. I walk across the gravel drive without a destination in mind, until I come to a large tree stump, feeling crushed, I let myself just drop down.
I put my head in my hands, and for once I don’t feel like crying. She’s right, why am I out here? The sad part is that I think I did choose this. I chose to be alone and wallow in my grief. I chose to stop living after I lost Laney. I chose to turn away from everything and everyone I ever knew.
Here is a woman, who I genuinely care about, who didn’t
“You have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow Ally.” Ian says over dinner. “What?” I am shocked. I didn’t realize I needed to go back. “Yes, it is a post op appointment with the surgeon.” “Oh.” I say, biting my lip. “Do you need me to take you, or do you want to drive yourself?” He asks as he helps himself to more meatloaf. “Umm, I don’t have a car.” I mumble. “Really?” He seems honestly surprised. “Ally, how can you not have a car and live out here? What if you need to get something? Go somewhere?” Great, he looks concerned now. “I don’t go anywhere.” I say simply. “What do you mean you don’t go anywhere ? I take a slow breath. “Exactly what I said. I. Don’t. Go. Anywhere.” Ian puts his fork down and grabs my hand from across the table. “When was the last time you left your house Ally—I mean before the surgery?” I look down at my plate, trying to think of a way to answer this without him seeing how crazy I am. I have a million things running through my head, and then I feel a small squeeze on my hand. Looking up into his dark eyes, I say “Before the surgery, I hadn’t been off my land for almost 2 years.”
“Shit Ally!” He gasps, and I pull my hand away from him—like I had been burned, as he stares at me. He takes his hands and runs them through his hair. I can tell he is trying to sound calm, and it just pisses me off. “Look Ally, I didn’t mean…” Standing up, I carry my plate to the trash and scrape it. “Stop it Ian! Look, I don’t need your pity, and I don’t need you to tell me I’m screwed up! Trust me, I am well aware of it!” Standing and walking toward me, Ian softly says, “Ally, I didn’t mean that, it just surprised me, that’s all.”
Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath. “Ally, I just wish I knew why. I wish I could understand—know why you choose to be so alone.” “Choose?” I can’t help it, everything he says right now just infuriates me. “You think I choose this?” I say swinging my hand around my surroundings. “Why are you out here Ian? Did you choose this? Choose to be alone and tortured?” He looks like I just hit him. I take a break, try to calm down, but I can’t. “If you think I am here, like this because I want to be, you haven’t learned a damn thing about me in the past 2 weeks!”
“Damn it Ally!” He bangs his hand so hard on the counter that it makes me jump. “That’s just it! I want to know more about you! I want you to trust me enough to tell me what happened to you.” He walks toward me and reaches out. At first I think he’s going to touch my face, but instead he reaches to the right side of my head and slowly drags his finger across my scar. He is so close to me that I can feel the warmth of his breath on my forehead as he looks down at me. “Please Ally, trust me. What happened? Why are you here like this?” Without taking my eyes off of his, I reach up and move his hand away from my head, dropping it back to his side. “I’m here—like this—because I didn’t die when I had the chance.”
Chapter 24
~Ian
I watch her turn and walk to her bedroom. I am stunned. I stand there, by myself in the kitchen for at least ten minutes before I feel the need to get away. I pull on my boots and walk out the door. I walk across the gravel drive without a destination in mind, until I come to a large tree stump, feeling crushed, I let myself just drop down.
I put my head in my hands, and for once I don’t feel like crying. She’s right, why am I out here? The sad part is that I think I did choose this. I chose to be alone and wallow in my grief. I chose to stop living after I lost Laney. I chose to turn away from everything and everyone I ever knew.
Here is a woman, who I genuinely care about, who didn’t
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