imagined that Hell is divided into descending rings, with criminals suffering increasingly worse tortures the lower you went. He called it
The Inferno.
”
Inferno:
a place that resembles Hell; intense heat.
“Sounds lovely,” I remarked.
“It was incredible,” Michael said enthusiastically. “He worked out this whole hierarchy of evil and punishment, and then, to make things interesting, he told us who you’d find there. I mean, he named names. Popes. Rich men. Famous people. They thought they were golden, but Dante assigned them to Hell.
“Anyway, for one of my Fifth Period projects I thought it would be cool to compare the social hierarchy at Mescataqua to Dante’s Inferno.”
“Meaning you think we’re all going to Hell?” I asked.
“Meaning
we’re in
Hell,” Michael said. “At least those of us obsessed with popularity.”
I stared at the open notebook. Michael had drawn two stacks of rings. On the left Dante’s Inferno, where he’d sketched little pearly gates and angels at the top and a nasty flame pit on the bottom. In between was Dante’s order of evil from one through nine: Limbo, the Lustful, the Gluttonous, the Avaricious, the Wrathful, the Heretics, the Violent, the Frauds, and the Traitors. On the right he’d drawn the Mescataqua version: Undecided, Flirts and Hos, People Who Eat/Take More Than Their Share, the Greedy, the Perpetually Pissed Off, the Wishy-Washy, the Violent, the Backstabbers/Gossipers/Social Climbers, and the Traitors.
Dante’s Inferno was just labeled rings, but Mescataqua’s had people’s names.
“Hey, you’re not in it!” I said, my eyes scanning the diagram. “No fair.”
“Yeah, but I
wrote
it….”
“I see…so that makes you…Dante?”
Michael grinned.
“You move people around,” I commented, noticing an erasure. “You had Kit in the Eat More Than Their Share ring, then moved her down to Greedy.”
“Did you see what she did to that pizza we had on the half day?” he exclaimed. “I got one slice; she took
five.
She’s beyond hungry. She’s, like, a predator.”
He’d placed Jeanne Anne, appropriately enough, in Ring Eight with the Backstabbers. Darcy was penciled in with Flirts and Hos, way too high as far as I was concerned. Brett McCarthy was…Undecided?
“Why am I Undecided?” I asked, looking up.
“I think I know you too well to generalize,” he said. “I put you there because…well, where do
you
think you belong?”
“Given today?” I replied. “Holding steady in the lower reaches of Ring Seven. The Violent.”
Then I noticed something that surprised me. Michael had originally stuck Diane in Ring Six, the Wishy-Washy, but crossed out her name and placed her in Ring Eight. He’d written “Social Climbers” next to her name.
“Why’d you demote Diane?” I asked.
“Because she’s trying to move into the popular group,” Michael said matter-of-factly.
“How so?”
“How about…trying out for cheerleading after school today.”
I thought I hadn’t heard him correctly.
“Diane tried out for cheerleading?” My voice sounded stupid in my ears.
“I almost didn’t recognize her,” Michael continued. “She had her hair pulled back tight, and it kind of stretched her eyes sideways. But there she was, with Darcy and the whole gang from the Second Ring.”
My brain froze, then moved in slow motion as I processed this information. No one just tried out for cheerleading. You signed up in advance, practiced routines…usually with other girls. Other cheerleaders.
“Wow,” Michael said. He was staring at me. “You didn’t know. I figured you knew. I mean, you two are so tight.”
I shook my head. The Vocab Ace Queen of Denial was at a loss for words.
“Wow,” Michael repeated.
“Stop saying ‘wow,’” I snapped. I was suddenly really sick of Michael.
“Okay, well, maybe I should…head home,” he said, gently pulling the notebook from my lap.
“Whatever,” I said. A totally unfriendly
The Inferno.
”
Inferno:
a place that resembles Hell; intense heat.
“Sounds lovely,” I remarked.
“It was incredible,” Michael said enthusiastically. “He worked out this whole hierarchy of evil and punishment, and then, to make things interesting, he told us who you’d find there. I mean, he named names. Popes. Rich men. Famous people. They thought they were golden, but Dante assigned them to Hell.
“Anyway, for one of my Fifth Period projects I thought it would be cool to compare the social hierarchy at Mescataqua to Dante’s Inferno.”
“Meaning you think we’re all going to Hell?” I asked.
“Meaning
we’re in
Hell,” Michael said. “At least those of us obsessed with popularity.”
I stared at the open notebook. Michael had drawn two stacks of rings. On the left Dante’s Inferno, where he’d sketched little pearly gates and angels at the top and a nasty flame pit on the bottom. In between was Dante’s order of evil from one through nine: Limbo, the Lustful, the Gluttonous, the Avaricious, the Wrathful, the Heretics, the Violent, the Frauds, and the Traitors. On the right he’d drawn the Mescataqua version: Undecided, Flirts and Hos, People Who Eat/Take More Than Their Share, the Greedy, the Perpetually Pissed Off, the Wishy-Washy, the Violent, the Backstabbers/Gossipers/Social Climbers, and the Traitors.
Dante’s Inferno was just labeled rings, but Mescataqua’s had people’s names.
“Hey, you’re not in it!” I said, my eyes scanning the diagram. “No fair.”
“Yeah, but I
wrote
it….”
“I see…so that makes you…Dante?”
Michael grinned.
“You move people around,” I commented, noticing an erasure. “You had Kit in the Eat More Than Their Share ring, then moved her down to Greedy.”
“Did you see what she did to that pizza we had on the half day?” he exclaimed. “I got one slice; she took
five.
She’s beyond hungry. She’s, like, a predator.”
He’d placed Jeanne Anne, appropriately enough, in Ring Eight with the Backstabbers. Darcy was penciled in with Flirts and Hos, way too high as far as I was concerned. Brett McCarthy was…Undecided?
“Why am I Undecided?” I asked, looking up.
“I think I know you too well to generalize,” he said. “I put you there because…well, where do
you
think you belong?”
“Given today?” I replied. “Holding steady in the lower reaches of Ring Seven. The Violent.”
Then I noticed something that surprised me. Michael had originally stuck Diane in Ring Six, the Wishy-Washy, but crossed out her name and placed her in Ring Eight. He’d written “Social Climbers” next to her name.
“Why’d you demote Diane?” I asked.
“Because she’s trying to move into the popular group,” Michael said matter-of-factly.
“How so?”
“How about…trying out for cheerleading after school today.”
I thought I hadn’t heard him correctly.
“Diane tried out for cheerleading?” My voice sounded stupid in my ears.
“I almost didn’t recognize her,” Michael continued. “She had her hair pulled back tight, and it kind of stretched her eyes sideways. But there she was, with Darcy and the whole gang from the Second Ring.”
My brain froze, then moved in slow motion as I processed this information. No one just tried out for cheerleading. You signed up in advance, practiced routines…usually with other girls. Other cheerleaders.
“Wow,” Michael said. He was staring at me. “You didn’t know. I figured you knew. I mean, you two are so tight.”
I shook my head. The Vocab Ace Queen of Denial was at a loss for words.
“Wow,” Michael repeated.
“Stop saying ‘wow,’” I snapped. I was suddenly really sick of Michael.
“Okay, well, maybe I should…head home,” he said, gently pulling the notebook from my lap.
“Whatever,” I said. A totally unfriendly
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