even broke up his friendship with Duke when Paxton slipped into her dark place. He hadn’t even spoken to Duke that she was aware of. He did nothing wrong, Jack only assumed he did. Paxton tried to convince herself that Jack ruined that relationship on his own.
“Goodbye Jack,” Paxton said after a few minutes of no response. She let the phone linger by her ear waiting for a response.
“I know I shouldn’t care after everything you did but I do. What makes it hurt is I know you don’t believe me,” Jack finally said.
Paxton felt her chest clench up. How can he love her? She heard Jack disconnect the line. She looked at her phone. Then set it down. She rolled over and shut her eyes. She couldn’t take anything else today. She needed to get away. She hoped sleep would come soon.
Sleep finally came to her but it wasn’t a restful one. She tossed and turned as those blue eyes stared intently at her. She knew she still loved Jack with every ounce of her heart. She also ached because they weren’t together. She knew that she had changed too much over time. She wasn’t the same person that Jack married, the one that everyone used to know. She saw Duke and Jack being friendly, something they no longer did. They drifted apart and Paxton wedged herself permanently between them.
She woke up in a sweat. She sighed and put her head in her hands. She couldn’t torment herself any longer. She needed to talk to someone. Someone who didn’t know that could judge her fairly. She thought of Dr. Keeler. She started giggling. All this time at the facility and she is only now realizing that talking may help her. She laughed and leaned back into her head board. She couldn’t stop. She didn’t know why it was so funny but she laughed until she started crying. For the first time in a long time she felt content. She didn’t know what brought it on but she was tired and the emotional rollercoaster from the past few days was about to end.
Paxton realized that she needed to take control of her life. Her grief had been in control too long but she didn’t know how to get past it. The blame she put on herself, maybe everyone was right, she was just a victim of circumstance. Paxton laid back down, staring at her alarm clock on the night stand. Her thoughts sobering her from her brief insanity moment.
Paxton awoke the next morning. The house was quiet. Sunlight filled her room and she knew it had to be late morning. She laid there or a few moments waiting to hear any sounds in the house, any sign of her mother being there. She didn’t want to see her mother after last night. She just needed time to process everything that has happened. She knew she needed to get out of this house. This place will not let her heal and she didn’t need her mother watching her every move and reminding her of what she no longer has. She got out of bed after deciding her mother was out of the house.
She flipped on her music player. Rachel Yamagata’s voice filled the room. Elephants was an appropriate song, very fitting for the moment. She put the song on repeat. It was so sullen. It matched Paxton’s mood so well, dramatic and sorrowful.
She was surrounded by memories of the past, lost loves, and an uncertain future. Paxton looked through framed pictures. She put some of her father in the box, her and Ella, family photos, and a few of Ella, Duke, Jack and her. They were all good memories, she wanted to take them but they would also be a reminder of what she can never have again.
She walked over to Ella’s room. She took a few things from it just to remember her best friend who she would never see again. By the time she was finished she had a few boxes packed. She knew the harder part was coming up because she would have to head to the cabin. Paxton couldn’t bring herself to think of the memories there. She quickly went back to her room and laid on her bed. She let the music take her away. She listened to the words letting them sink in, the
“Goodbye Jack,” Paxton said after a few minutes of no response. She let the phone linger by her ear waiting for a response.
“I know I shouldn’t care after everything you did but I do. What makes it hurt is I know you don’t believe me,” Jack finally said.
Paxton felt her chest clench up. How can he love her? She heard Jack disconnect the line. She looked at her phone. Then set it down. She rolled over and shut her eyes. She couldn’t take anything else today. She needed to get away. She hoped sleep would come soon.
Sleep finally came to her but it wasn’t a restful one. She tossed and turned as those blue eyes stared intently at her. She knew she still loved Jack with every ounce of her heart. She also ached because they weren’t together. She knew that she had changed too much over time. She wasn’t the same person that Jack married, the one that everyone used to know. She saw Duke and Jack being friendly, something they no longer did. They drifted apart and Paxton wedged herself permanently between them.
She woke up in a sweat. She sighed and put her head in her hands. She couldn’t torment herself any longer. She needed to talk to someone. Someone who didn’t know that could judge her fairly. She thought of Dr. Keeler. She started giggling. All this time at the facility and she is only now realizing that talking may help her. She laughed and leaned back into her head board. She couldn’t stop. She didn’t know why it was so funny but she laughed until she started crying. For the first time in a long time she felt content. She didn’t know what brought it on but she was tired and the emotional rollercoaster from the past few days was about to end.
Paxton realized that she needed to take control of her life. Her grief had been in control too long but she didn’t know how to get past it. The blame she put on herself, maybe everyone was right, she was just a victim of circumstance. Paxton laid back down, staring at her alarm clock on the night stand. Her thoughts sobering her from her brief insanity moment.
Paxton awoke the next morning. The house was quiet. Sunlight filled her room and she knew it had to be late morning. She laid there or a few moments waiting to hear any sounds in the house, any sign of her mother being there. She didn’t want to see her mother after last night. She just needed time to process everything that has happened. She knew she needed to get out of this house. This place will not let her heal and she didn’t need her mother watching her every move and reminding her of what she no longer has. She got out of bed after deciding her mother was out of the house.
She flipped on her music player. Rachel Yamagata’s voice filled the room. Elephants was an appropriate song, very fitting for the moment. She put the song on repeat. It was so sullen. It matched Paxton’s mood so well, dramatic and sorrowful.
She was surrounded by memories of the past, lost loves, and an uncertain future. Paxton looked through framed pictures. She put some of her father in the box, her and Ella, family photos, and a few of Ella, Duke, Jack and her. They were all good memories, she wanted to take them but they would also be a reminder of what she can never have again.
She walked over to Ella’s room. She took a few things from it just to remember her best friend who she would never see again. By the time she was finished she had a few boxes packed. She knew the harder part was coming up because she would have to head to the cabin. Paxton couldn’t bring herself to think of the memories there. She quickly went back to her room and laid on her bed. She let the music take her away. She listened to the words letting them sink in, the
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