get a good laugh about that later.
When I knelt down, I realized the dye was more widespread. It formed a halo around her head like some sort of weird angel. I ran my fingers through it, smearing crimson lines towards me.
“Jenna,” I whispered, my voice cracking, “I think you’re bleeding.”
Her eyes were closed. I leaned closer. “Jenna, wake up. You might need to go to a doctor.”
When she didn’t move, I touched her cheek. It was cool and sticky. Her bangs were covering her face, so I swept them to the side. “Jenna, you’re scaring me. Please wake up.” She still didn’t move.
“Jenna?” I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her body towards me , gripping the back of her head. She felt like a doll. A lifeless piece of material that flopped in my arms. “Jenna?” I whispered, holding her tighter. “I’m scared.” I rocked our bodies back and forth like she was a child. “We don’t have to go to the beach. We can go home. We’ll put a movie in. Have a quiet night in.”
I stroked her hair, but my fingers got tangled in the bloody tips. I pulled one hand free and rubbed my fingers together, smearing the red stain over my palm. “We need to go home. You have to wake up, okay?”
All I wanted was things to be normal. I wanted to be back in my best friend’s bedroom, lying in bed, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling, and gossiping about boys in our class.
“ Jenna?” I dropped my hand to her back. As soon as I did, her head fell backwards and her eyelids opened. Her unmoving eyes gazed straight up to the sky. Their glassy look triggered something in me. “No …” I whispered, pulling her head back to my chest. “No, Jenna. I need you. You can’t leave me!”
T ears started trailing down my face and mixing with her blood on the pavement. “I need you!” I yelled, rocking our bodies. “I need you …” My voice was only a whimper by then.
I’m not sure how long I sat there holding her, rocking our bodies, but eventually someone else showed up and then later two ambulances arrived. I didn’t understand why there were two until they put me in one and Jenna in the other.
Over the next couple days, I stayed in the hospital as they monitored me for a concussion, pumped me full of pain killers for my cracked ribs, and gave me a sling for my dislocated shoulder. I hadn’t even realized I was injured after the crash. I don’t know if it was the effects of the alcohol or shock.
My time in the hospital wa s also when I found out definitively that Jenna had died. She wasn’t wearing a seat belt and had been ejected from the car. Apparently she died on impact. The doctor said that like it was supposed to make me and her family feel better. As if anything could make us feel better.
I had been selfish. Jenna didn’t want to go to the beach, but I made her. For a stupid reason, too. And that decision cost her her life. I’ll never be able to forgive myself.
Chapter 9 : August 24
I feel a tear run down my cheek as the impending weight of guilt threatens to crush my chest. My breathing is labored against the weight. On the counter is the knife Marta used for lunch. I swallow and wonder how fast I can reach it. If I can get even one cut in, the weight will lessen. I’ll be able to breathe again.
“T ime for your afternoon meds, Kelsie.” In one swift movement, Marta lays the pills on the countertop and swoops the knife off the table, throwing it into the locked box on the counter where all our sharp items now reside.
“I need that,” I pant.
“No, you don’t.”
I pull against the neck of my t-shirt. “I—I can’t breathe.”
Marta circles around the island and wraps her strong arms around me, pulling my face to her chest. “Shhh … You’re fine. Slow breaths. In and out. In and out.”
I do as she says, but the urge
When I knelt down, I realized the dye was more widespread. It formed a halo around her head like some sort of weird angel. I ran my fingers through it, smearing crimson lines towards me.
“Jenna,” I whispered, my voice cracking, “I think you’re bleeding.”
Her eyes were closed. I leaned closer. “Jenna, wake up. You might need to go to a doctor.”
When she didn’t move, I touched her cheek. It was cool and sticky. Her bangs were covering her face, so I swept them to the side. “Jenna, you’re scaring me. Please wake up.” She still didn’t move.
“Jenna?” I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her body towards me , gripping the back of her head. She felt like a doll. A lifeless piece of material that flopped in my arms. “Jenna?” I whispered, holding her tighter. “I’m scared.” I rocked our bodies back and forth like she was a child. “We don’t have to go to the beach. We can go home. We’ll put a movie in. Have a quiet night in.”
I stroked her hair, but my fingers got tangled in the bloody tips. I pulled one hand free and rubbed my fingers together, smearing the red stain over my palm. “We need to go home. You have to wake up, okay?”
All I wanted was things to be normal. I wanted to be back in my best friend’s bedroom, lying in bed, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling, and gossiping about boys in our class.
“ Jenna?” I dropped my hand to her back. As soon as I did, her head fell backwards and her eyelids opened. Her unmoving eyes gazed straight up to the sky. Their glassy look triggered something in me. “No …” I whispered, pulling her head back to my chest. “No, Jenna. I need you. You can’t leave me!”
T ears started trailing down my face and mixing with her blood on the pavement. “I need you!” I yelled, rocking our bodies. “I need you …” My voice was only a whimper by then.
I’m not sure how long I sat there holding her, rocking our bodies, but eventually someone else showed up and then later two ambulances arrived. I didn’t understand why there were two until they put me in one and Jenna in the other.
Over the next couple days, I stayed in the hospital as they monitored me for a concussion, pumped me full of pain killers for my cracked ribs, and gave me a sling for my dislocated shoulder. I hadn’t even realized I was injured after the crash. I don’t know if it was the effects of the alcohol or shock.
My time in the hospital wa s also when I found out definitively that Jenna had died. She wasn’t wearing a seat belt and had been ejected from the car. Apparently she died on impact. The doctor said that like it was supposed to make me and her family feel better. As if anything could make us feel better.
I had been selfish. Jenna didn’t want to go to the beach, but I made her. For a stupid reason, too. And that decision cost her her life. I’ll never be able to forgive myself.
Chapter 9 : August 24
I feel a tear run down my cheek as the impending weight of guilt threatens to crush my chest. My breathing is labored against the weight. On the counter is the knife Marta used for lunch. I swallow and wonder how fast I can reach it. If I can get even one cut in, the weight will lessen. I’ll be able to breathe again.
“T ime for your afternoon meds, Kelsie.” In one swift movement, Marta lays the pills on the countertop and swoops the knife off the table, throwing it into the locked box on the counter where all our sharp items now reside.
“I need that,” I pant.
“No, you don’t.”
I pull against the neck of my t-shirt. “I—I can’t breathe.”
Marta circles around the island and wraps her strong arms around me, pulling my face to her chest. “Shhh … You’re fine. Slow breaths. In and out. In and out.”
I do as she says, but the urge
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