I’d been raped, that Jan had gotten his ass out of there where I’d failed to, now he was pissing all over my training.
“Jack, your hip. Would you like to drop your photo casually on the table?”
I couldn’t help it now. Scratching. I’d fucking been scratching back then too. In the study, something had pissed me off; something had blacked things out for a while, and after that? The TV unit was ripped off its hinges, and images then played out on screen because of it. The branding. Gray had been watching the branding scene—
“Go back to before you blacked out, Jack,” said Halliday, and I didn’t realise I’d been talking out loud. “What was your trigger? Can you see what triggered your blackout?”
Bile hit the back of my throat and I fought it down. “Packaging,” I mumbled quietly, and I saw it sitting there. “Brown paper packaging was on the table. But he would have it sent to himself via the post.”
“Can you see anything else?”
I frowned. Gloves. The sort Gray used when he’s handled evidence—“Fucking gloves... why would he be using gloves to handle the package afterwards? He’d need them to post it, yeah. But to handle it afterwards... he’d need to show evidence of his prints, to keep up the bullshi—” Life became very heavy. “He...” I looked at Halliday. “But he would have said he’d been sent more. He would have fucking
told
me. He—”
“Go back a little further, just before Gray left with Jan. Did it look like he could tell you at that moment? Who had made an appearance the night before, Jack? What was Gray risking if he told you?”
Martin.
“No.” I shook my head, hands now running through, then gripping into my hair. “I asked him afterwards, when he came back with Jan.” Christ, he’d looked so fucking broken. “I asked him to tell me why... to tell me who, but his—”
Do you think I’d hurt you—like that
?
“What were the exact words you said to him, Jack? Can you remember?”
In amongst all the shouts, cries, broken glass....
Why didn’t you just let me go?
I screwed my face.
Do you hate me that much?
“I said that I should be flattered that he’d go to the effort of hiring Vince to rape the fuck out of me.”
“And Gray’s reaction?”
Do you think I’d hurt
you
—like that
? “He didn’t do it, did he? It wasn’t him?” A soft groan came, but it was my own. “Fuck. But he knows who did. I need... need—” Gray. I needed “—out.” I’d fucked up. I’d seriously fucked up. Gray... Life had blacked out back there, and I missed who had pushed Humpty Dumpty off the wall. Head fuck, just one huge head fuck, just—Jan. I gave another groan:
please see it, baby
. “Fucking out.”
I reached the door but Halliday stopped me with a soft “stay”.
“Tell me about the whispers, Jack.”
Hand on the door handle, I glanced over my shoulder. “Huh?”
Halliday got to his feet, stretching his abnormally long body. “Those whispers that make you stand still and lose time, Jack.” He came a little closer. “In the hospital after you woke, after the rape, you shouted at the nurse for whispering. You did exactly the same with Craig after your first night here. You said ‘
Shut the fucking whispering up
’.” He came closer still, and time must have slipped, because I never saw him until he was up close, just felt the vibrations, like a fly and his kicking at a web, only this one knew exactly what came out with the struggles. “Who’s been whispering to you, Jack? Why are you scared to listen to them?”
The door handle was slippery under touch, and Halliday looked as though he was standing in a pool of light at the end of a very long tunnel, tall in body and arms, almost alien. His features were gone, lost to the shadows so only his outline said that he was there. Distant, so fucking distant, and whispers. Closing my eyes, I tilted my ear to try and catch it. There. Just a gentle breeze against my ear, slight brush of
“Jack, your hip. Would you like to drop your photo casually on the table?”
I couldn’t help it now. Scratching. I’d fucking been scratching back then too. In the study, something had pissed me off; something had blacked things out for a while, and after that? The TV unit was ripped off its hinges, and images then played out on screen because of it. The branding. Gray had been watching the branding scene—
“Go back to before you blacked out, Jack,” said Halliday, and I didn’t realise I’d been talking out loud. “What was your trigger? Can you see what triggered your blackout?”
Bile hit the back of my throat and I fought it down. “Packaging,” I mumbled quietly, and I saw it sitting there. “Brown paper packaging was on the table. But he would have it sent to himself via the post.”
“Can you see anything else?”
I frowned. Gloves. The sort Gray used when he’s handled evidence—“Fucking gloves... why would he be using gloves to handle the package afterwards? He’d need them to post it, yeah. But to handle it afterwards... he’d need to show evidence of his prints, to keep up the bullshi—” Life became very heavy. “He...” I looked at Halliday. “But he would have said he’d been sent more. He would have fucking
told
me. He—”
“Go back a little further, just before Gray left with Jan. Did it look like he could tell you at that moment? Who had made an appearance the night before, Jack? What was Gray risking if he told you?”
Martin.
“No.” I shook my head, hands now running through, then gripping into my hair. “I asked him afterwards, when he came back with Jan.” Christ, he’d looked so fucking broken. “I asked him to tell me why... to tell me who, but his—”
Do you think I’d hurt you—like that
?
“What were the exact words you said to him, Jack? Can you remember?”
In amongst all the shouts, cries, broken glass....
Why didn’t you just let me go?
I screwed my face.
Do you hate me that much?
“I said that I should be flattered that he’d go to the effort of hiring Vince to rape the fuck out of me.”
“And Gray’s reaction?”
Do you think I’d hurt
you
—like that
? “He didn’t do it, did he? It wasn’t him?” A soft groan came, but it was my own. “Fuck. But he knows who did. I need... need—” Gray. I needed “—out.” I’d fucked up. I’d seriously fucked up. Gray... Life had blacked out back there, and I missed who had pushed Humpty Dumpty off the wall. Head fuck, just one huge head fuck, just—Jan. I gave another groan:
please see it, baby
. “Fucking out.”
I reached the door but Halliday stopped me with a soft “stay”.
“Tell me about the whispers, Jack.”
Hand on the door handle, I glanced over my shoulder. “Huh?”
Halliday got to his feet, stretching his abnormally long body. “Those whispers that make you stand still and lose time, Jack.” He came a little closer. “In the hospital after you woke, after the rape, you shouted at the nurse for whispering. You did exactly the same with Craig after your first night here. You said ‘
Shut the fucking whispering up
’.” He came closer still, and time must have slipped, because I never saw him until he was up close, just felt the vibrations, like a fly and his kicking at a web, only this one knew exactly what came out with the struggles. “Who’s been whispering to you, Jack? Why are you scared to listen to them?”
The door handle was slippery under touch, and Halliday looked as though he was standing in a pool of light at the end of a very long tunnel, tall in body and arms, almost alien. His features were gone, lost to the shadows so only his outline said that he was there. Distant, so fucking distant, and whispers. Closing my eyes, I tilted my ear to try and catch it. There. Just a gentle breeze against my ear, slight brush of
Similar Books
