Read Online Breakable You by Brian Morton - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Brian Morton
Tags: Fiction, Literary, General, Psychological, Psychological fiction, Sagas, Family Life, Domestic Fiction, Novelists
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have to go already?" she said.
"I wish I could stay, but I have about twelve different places I have to be in a half hour. All at once."
"You sure you wouldn't like to have some tea? I have some strudel, if you like. I can heat it up in a jiffy. I think I have ice cream too."
"I wish I could," he said.
"Then
do
. You just got here."
He imagined having to fight his way past her as she blocked the door. He didn't say anything.
Ruth got the message. "I'm sorry. I won't keep you." She stood up. "Sometimes it just gets so bleak," she said. "I'd say that all I have left is my daughter, but I don't even know if I can honestly say that I have my daughter anymore. I hardly ever hear from her these days."
She walked him to the door. Her excitement of a few minutes ago was all gone.
"I just feel so lonely," she said. "And lately I've been in so much pain that I can barely make it out of bed." For years she had suffered from arthritis. "Sometimes I still don't understand how everything could have ended up like this."
There was a limit to his ability to humor her. He was putting his coat on, and he thought he should probably just leave, but he couldn't stop himself from speaking.
"You're acting like a child, Ruth. It's like you've just found out that there aren't any happy endings. Where have you
been
? Hasn't it always been obvious that everything ends in shit?"
Ruth looked genuinely shocked. "That's a horrible way to look at things."
"Be that as it may. It's the truth."
"It hasn't ended in shit for you. You seem to be happy. You have three beautiful children. You have perfect teeth."
"Yes," he said, "I do have perfect teeth." Two years ago he'd had his mouth reconstructed and his teeth bleached.
"Well then." She was smiling, letting go of her self-pity. "And I hear you have a new girlfriend. With perky breasts."
"That's true too, Ruth. But I know that I'm likely to end up soiling my pajamas every night and not being able to clean myself. And not recognizing my three beautiful children. And by the time that happens, my perky-breasted girlfriend is going to be long gone. Izzy was lucky, when you think about it. He had his mind until the end. And he had you."
She didn't respond to this. In silence she unlocked her three locks. He kissed her chastely on the cheek and was slightly repulsed by her odor, although it was nothing more than the odor of an old woman. He wondered whether his own odor too was repulsive, and wondered why Thea was with him. Could it be that she didn't find his skin and his breath and his hair and his nostrils and his lips and his mouth and his teeth—could it be that she didn't find them repulsive? He held the cardboard box in the air as if it were something he was dying to get to, and said, "I'll call you."
On the street he had an urge to toss the manuscript into a Dumpster, just because he was exasperated with Ruth. Her illusions, her hopefulness, her woe.
He was irritated with himself for losing control—for saying anything that he actually felt.
After a block or two, he stopped being angry with himself. Nothing about the encounter mattered enough to get upset about. The cardboard box was heavy under his arm. He began to feel half interested in the thing. Adam was going to be spending a few hours in Izzy's company again. He wondered what his old friend had to say.
----
Nine
Maud could see Samir waiting for her near the monkey bars. Sitting on a bench, unaware that he was being observed, he didn't look the way he usually did. He usually looked tense, uncomfortable in his own skin. Now, breaking off a piece of a pretzel and tossing it toward a bird, he just looked sad.
It was a mild Saturday afternoon and Central Park was crowded. She hadn't seen him since they'd had dinner a week earlier. Nothing had come from their odd groping moment on the Promenade: they had made out for a little while and then, as if mutually bewildered, gone their separate ways. She thought she might never hear from him
"I wish I could stay, but I have about twelve different places I have to be in a half hour. All at once."
"You sure you wouldn't like to have some tea? I have some strudel, if you like. I can heat it up in a jiffy. I think I have ice cream too."
"I wish I could," he said.
"Then
do
. You just got here."
He imagined having to fight his way past her as she blocked the door. He didn't say anything.
Ruth got the message. "I'm sorry. I won't keep you." She stood up. "Sometimes it just gets so bleak," she said. "I'd say that all I have left is my daughter, but I don't even know if I can honestly say that I have my daughter anymore. I hardly ever hear from her these days."
She walked him to the door. Her excitement of a few minutes ago was all gone.
"I just feel so lonely," she said. "And lately I've been in so much pain that I can barely make it out of bed." For years she had suffered from arthritis. "Sometimes I still don't understand how everything could have ended up like this."
There was a limit to his ability to humor her. He was putting his coat on, and he thought he should probably just leave, but he couldn't stop himself from speaking.
"You're acting like a child, Ruth. It's like you've just found out that there aren't any happy endings. Where have you
been
? Hasn't it always been obvious that everything ends in shit?"
Ruth looked genuinely shocked. "That's a horrible way to look at things."
"Be that as it may. It's the truth."
"It hasn't ended in shit for you. You seem to be happy. You have three beautiful children. You have perfect teeth."
"Yes," he said, "I do have perfect teeth." Two years ago he'd had his mouth reconstructed and his teeth bleached.
"Well then." She was smiling, letting go of her self-pity. "And I hear you have a new girlfriend. With perky breasts."
"That's true too, Ruth. But I know that I'm likely to end up soiling my pajamas every night and not being able to clean myself. And not recognizing my three beautiful children. And by the time that happens, my perky-breasted girlfriend is going to be long gone. Izzy was lucky, when you think about it. He had his mind until the end. And he had you."
She didn't respond to this. In silence she unlocked her three locks. He kissed her chastely on the cheek and was slightly repulsed by her odor, although it was nothing more than the odor of an old woman. He wondered whether his own odor too was repulsive, and wondered why Thea was with him. Could it be that she didn't find his skin and his breath and his hair and his nostrils and his lips and his mouth and his teeth—could it be that she didn't find them repulsive? He held the cardboard box in the air as if it were something he was dying to get to, and said, "I'll call you."
On the street he had an urge to toss the manuscript into a Dumpster, just because he was exasperated with Ruth. Her illusions, her hopefulness, her woe.
He was irritated with himself for losing control—for saying anything that he actually felt.
After a block or two, he stopped being angry with himself. Nothing about the encounter mattered enough to get upset about. The cardboard box was heavy under his arm. He began to feel half interested in the thing. Adam was going to be spending a few hours in Izzy's company again. He wondered what his old friend had to say.
----
Nine
Maud could see Samir waiting for her near the monkey bars. Sitting on a bench, unaware that he was being observed, he didn't look the way he usually did. He usually looked tense, uncomfortable in his own skin. Now, breaking off a piece of a pretzel and tossing it toward a bird, he just looked sad.
It was a mild Saturday afternoon and Central Park was crowded. She hadn't seen him since they'd had dinner a week earlier. Nothing had come from their odd groping moment on the Promenade: they had made out for a little while and then, as if mutually bewildered, gone their separate ways. She thought she might never hear from him
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