I’d never wanted to be kissed. But I wondered what it would be like to kiss Carter. The idea caused my stomach to flip flop. “What is your favorite thing about being free?”
“Wow, no one’s ever asked me that before. Usually reporters want to know the details of my time in captivity. Not the details of now.”
“I believe that’s why you hired me. For my unconventional methods.”
“Yeah, I guess so. But it’s hard to answer that question because I don’t really know if I’m free. Not really. Sure, physically I am, but mentally it’s like I’m still that girl locked in that room. Those five years he had me, I fantasized about one day escaping and no longer having to be scared or look over my shoulder. But I still am scared.” I pressed my lips together, staring out at the yard. “And I hardly ever leave this place. So in a sense I’m still kind of a prisoner. The biggest difference is that I can leave if I want to.” Pausing, I tried to make sense of my thoughts so I didn’t keep rambling. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that he may have only held me captive for five years, but in some ways I feel like he stole my entire life.”
I was momentarily startled when Carter’s hand rested over mine. “I’m sorry, Aspen.” The concern in his voice almost broke me, but I swallowed back the emotion. His flesh felt good against mine, and I savored it. We sat like that for a few minutes in silence before Carter spoke again, his hand still over mine. “What can you do to steal it back?”
“What do you mean?”
“You can’t let him have the rest of your life, Aspen. So what will it take for you to claim it as your own?”
No one had ever asked me that before, and the question stopped me cold. “I don’t know.”
A bird flew through the sky, landing on the telephone wires lining the backyard. The warm breeze rustled the flowers, emitting their sweet fragrance into the air. I set my iced tea down. It was nearly empty now.
Carter slipped his hand off of mine and tapped his chin. “What would have been different if he hadn’t taken you?”
“Everything,” I answered immediately.
“Be more specific. Like what are some things you missed out on?”
I nodded, seeing where he was going with this. A tiny bead of sweat trickled down my forehead , and I wiped it off. It was hot today. I was grateful for the shade of the porch. “A lot of things. I missed out on field trips and playing with friends. You know, water fights, riding bikes, playing sports. Sometimes I could hear kids playing outside the window and I would wish so hard I could be outside with them.” I shook my head, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach returning. “I missed many years of school. I missed school rallies, football games, prom.”
“But you were back for high school, right?”
“I escaped when I was thirteen but I couldn’t jump into high school. I had five years of school to make up for. So I was homeschooled after that. Besides, I don’t think my parents would’ve let me out of their sight anyway.” I paused, lost in my thoughts for a minute. “But there were so many things he took from me that I can never get back.”
“Oh, I think you can.”
“How?”
“You have to be intentional about it.”
I thought about Carter’s statement when I was telling him how to care for his plants. “It sounds like a lot of work.”
“Anything worth doing is a lot of work.”
EIGHT
It was mid-morning and the sun was already scorching hot. The rays beat down on my neck that was exposed under my ponytail. With my free hand I wiped away the sweat. My other hand held the hose as I sprayed my flowers. A butterfly flickered past, its colors blurring as it beat its wings. The buzz of a bee sounded in my ear, and I batted it away. Water trickled on the ground, soaking my bare feet. The coolness of it felt good.
“Thanks to your expertise , I think a few of my flowers are already reviving.”
I flinched
“Wow, no one’s ever asked me that before. Usually reporters want to know the details of my time in captivity. Not the details of now.”
“I believe that’s why you hired me. For my unconventional methods.”
“Yeah, I guess so. But it’s hard to answer that question because I don’t really know if I’m free. Not really. Sure, physically I am, but mentally it’s like I’m still that girl locked in that room. Those five years he had me, I fantasized about one day escaping and no longer having to be scared or look over my shoulder. But I still am scared.” I pressed my lips together, staring out at the yard. “And I hardly ever leave this place. So in a sense I’m still kind of a prisoner. The biggest difference is that I can leave if I want to.” Pausing, I tried to make sense of my thoughts so I didn’t keep rambling. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that he may have only held me captive for five years, but in some ways I feel like he stole my entire life.”
I was momentarily startled when Carter’s hand rested over mine. “I’m sorry, Aspen.” The concern in his voice almost broke me, but I swallowed back the emotion. His flesh felt good against mine, and I savored it. We sat like that for a few minutes in silence before Carter spoke again, his hand still over mine. “What can you do to steal it back?”
“What do you mean?”
“You can’t let him have the rest of your life, Aspen. So what will it take for you to claim it as your own?”
No one had ever asked me that before, and the question stopped me cold. “I don’t know.”
A bird flew through the sky, landing on the telephone wires lining the backyard. The warm breeze rustled the flowers, emitting their sweet fragrance into the air. I set my iced tea down. It was nearly empty now.
Carter slipped his hand off of mine and tapped his chin. “What would have been different if he hadn’t taken you?”
“Everything,” I answered immediately.
“Be more specific. Like what are some things you missed out on?”
I nodded, seeing where he was going with this. A tiny bead of sweat trickled down my forehead , and I wiped it off. It was hot today. I was grateful for the shade of the porch. “A lot of things. I missed out on field trips and playing with friends. You know, water fights, riding bikes, playing sports. Sometimes I could hear kids playing outside the window and I would wish so hard I could be outside with them.” I shook my head, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach returning. “I missed many years of school. I missed school rallies, football games, prom.”
“But you were back for high school, right?”
“I escaped when I was thirteen but I couldn’t jump into high school. I had five years of school to make up for. So I was homeschooled after that. Besides, I don’t think my parents would’ve let me out of their sight anyway.” I paused, lost in my thoughts for a minute. “But there were so many things he took from me that I can never get back.”
“Oh, I think you can.”
“How?”
“You have to be intentional about it.”
I thought about Carter’s statement when I was telling him how to care for his plants. “It sounds like a lot of work.”
“Anything worth doing is a lot of work.”
EIGHT
It was mid-morning and the sun was already scorching hot. The rays beat down on my neck that was exposed under my ponytail. With my free hand I wiped away the sweat. My other hand held the hose as I sprayed my flowers. A butterfly flickered past, its colors blurring as it beat its wings. The buzz of a bee sounded in my ear, and I batted it away. Water trickled on the ground, soaking my bare feet. The coolness of it felt good.
“Thanks to your expertise , I think a few of my flowers are already reviving.”
I flinched
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