distinctive red nose and grey body. I could see it falling through the air,
We were dealing in split seconds here – each of us powerless, no time for fear past my initial ‘Oh fuck’, not a second to protect myself. Then it hit.
The lights went out.
The next thing I knew, I was picking myself up off the floor, but the Peshmerga villager to my right was gone. In front of me, I saw an arm, then I heard his body shrieking for a few seconds. It didn’t last long. He died before my very eyes.
I had taken a blow to the head – my left hand and right arm were bleeding from the almighty blast. I couldn’t account for any of the team at this point. With the shock I had hit the deck. Robotically, I picked myself up again. I’d been out for seconds. Did I actually hear the noise or had the shockwaves sent me reeling into blackout? I don’t know, but even the echo of the aftermath was louder than fuck. Did I see the bomb? Yes, for that nanosecond. What made me look in that direction? I don’t know. Years of training which hones into instinct or a stroke of luck? Pass.
Thank God I was still alive. I knew immediately what had happened.
It was 1982, and I was back in San Carlos Bay. That was over so quickly, too. I heard the air-raid sirens from our ships and two to three seconds later the Argentines dropped their bombs on us.
I knew that sound. This time, I didn’t have those two to three seconds.
Special Forces on the ground had described the target. Less than a kilometre away, we had been charging towards Iraqi tanks engaging with 173rd Airborne. We had been about to wander into that. From the sky the target had become the T-junction, the mass of vehicles and the abandoned Iraqi tank. The pilot had simply got it wrong.
I dove to the side of the bank to my left and lay there. I found Tom with another Peshmerga gibbering away, blood running down his head from an intake of shrapnel. I kept asking if he was OK but he just stared at me, glazed in shock.
Tom’s mum had heard it all.
I screamed at him as he ran down the bank towards another small sand bank. He had to hit the deck now because most planes on attack come round twice.
I grabbed Tom’s phone because mine was in the car. I had to tell London. ‘There’s been an own goal.’ I had known straightaway. ‘The Americans have dropped a bomb on us. Tom, Giles and I are fine. I’ve gotta go. I’ll give you an update when I know more.’
I hung up. There was still no sign of John and the others. I had to get to work. I got up and ran to the vehicles, searching each for bodies. The impact had been less than twenty metres from our vehicle – it was like a scene from a movie, except this was very real. There were bodies everywhere – the flames and the ammunition within them stunk. Some people were burned to a crisp; others were still alive but heading that way. I’ve seen plenty of bombs and bodies over the years, but that stench never leaves you.
‘They’re fucking dead,’ I told myself. But I stayed calm and level-headed . Surely, there was no way in the world that I could find John, Fred, Dragan and Kameron alive. If that were true, so be it. I wasn’t thinking emotionally or as an undercover reporter. In my military head, and as BBC security advisor, I had to account for them in whatever state I discovered them. I would take it one step at a time.
As I was sorting through the vehicles, I realised I was heading back the way we came. This was the wrong thing to do. If I was going to find them, the impact was behind me on the right – that’s where the American SF jeeps had been. ‘Check every body,’ I told myself repeatedly. ‘Account for everything.’ I wasn’t looking to save other lives or bury bodies. I was employed to protect John Simpson and I had no idea where he was. I began to call out for Fred. I was probably shouting too loudly because of the blast to the head. Who knew what perception of sound everyone still alive now had?
Still
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