safe, reasonable limits.
CHAPTER 5
“D ANGER TO H IMSELF , O THERS AND G OVERNMENT P ROPERTY ”
Wayne’s military records provide a revealing look at his state of mind, as well as his view on life up to that point.
At 7:30 P.M. on April 8, 1983, several months after the separation, Wayne was admitted to the naval hospital’s psychiatric ward in Long Beach, where he’d been sent from the marine base in El Toro after complaining of depression and problems adjusting to work. He blamed the difficulties on his split with Kelly.
On his patient questionnaire, Wayne gave a few short but succinct answers about his mental condition: “No hope, constant failure, lost will to live.”
Asked what he knew about his mental problems, he wrote, “I know the answers, but I can’t put them to use.”
He said he’d had no significant health issues other than being hospitalized in November 1980, when “I was run over on the freeway.”
Under allergies he listed, “penasillin (you spell it),” yogurt and pot, adding that he vomited when he smoked marijuana.
He described his alcohol intake as “couple of beers weekly,” and stated that he smoked 1½ packs of cigarettes a day.
Under vision/hearing/speech, he wrote, “When I was young, everyone had trouble hearing me. People said that I mumble and talked to [ sic ] soft. It has come back.”
He checked every box available for emotional difficulties: anxiety/nervousness, tension, restless, depression, irritability, and other.
During his intake interview, Wayne told the nurse that he was seeking treatment for depression and low self-esteem.
“If you send me back to duty, I’ll just find another way out,” Wayne said.
Wayne told the nurse that he’d been pretty happy until he was seven and his parents got divorced.
“I lived with my mother until she could not control me and then I moved in with my father,” he said. “I got involved in sports and started lifting weights to carry a macho image, but my parents never went and watched me, they just bought the necessary equipment. I did well in school until I was thirteen years old. When I got a little older, I got involved with the Hells Angels and got into trouble. I joined the Marine Corps . . . [and] also got involved in weight lifting and kickboxing. . . . After I graduated, I used to kick ass every day. I got into NBC (Nuclear, Biological and Chemical Warfare) preparedness school and became an instructor in that. I did well in that—I received meritorious advancement to corporal. I was really happy there. I also got instructor of the month for thirteen weeks. . . . I worked alone and did not like that I was expected to do everything, and slowly I started to make mistakes. I would put on a false front by smiling, and feeling bad about myself inside. I got no gratification from it. . . . I would get an occasional pat on the back, but not at the unit. While this went downhill, my marriage started to go downhill. One time I was at an arcade and this one guy was giving me some shit, so I kicked his ass and put him in the hospital. This scared my wife. She was intelligent but had no common sense. She refused to pay bills, and at times I would hit and kick holes in the wall, and I think she was scared of me from then on. Finally I just gave up on her and now she is in the process of getting a divorce. Well, I think a lot of my problem is a lack of self-discipline with some laziness. Mainly, I just have no self-gratification. I live alone, sleep alone, and can’t stand being alone.”
A drug screen on April 9 showed that Wayne had no recreational or prescription drugs in his system, as was the case in subsequent hospitalizations.
On April 10, the same nurse noted that Wayne was being passive aggressive.
“If they send me back tomorrow, they might as well send me to the brig,” Wayne told him. “I don’t think talking with some jerk for an hour is going to change the way I feel. What I need is to talk to a
CHAPTER 5
“D ANGER TO H IMSELF , O THERS AND G OVERNMENT P ROPERTY ”
Wayne’s military records provide a revealing look at his state of mind, as well as his view on life up to that point.
At 7:30 P.M. on April 8, 1983, several months after the separation, Wayne was admitted to the naval hospital’s psychiatric ward in Long Beach, where he’d been sent from the marine base in El Toro after complaining of depression and problems adjusting to work. He blamed the difficulties on his split with Kelly.
On his patient questionnaire, Wayne gave a few short but succinct answers about his mental condition: “No hope, constant failure, lost will to live.”
Asked what he knew about his mental problems, he wrote, “I know the answers, but I can’t put them to use.”
He said he’d had no significant health issues other than being hospitalized in November 1980, when “I was run over on the freeway.”
Under allergies he listed, “penasillin (you spell it),” yogurt and pot, adding that he vomited when he smoked marijuana.
He described his alcohol intake as “couple of beers weekly,” and stated that he smoked 1½ packs of cigarettes a day.
Under vision/hearing/speech, he wrote, “When I was young, everyone had trouble hearing me. People said that I mumble and talked to [ sic ] soft. It has come back.”
He checked every box available for emotional difficulties: anxiety/nervousness, tension, restless, depression, irritability, and other.
During his intake interview, Wayne told the nurse that he was seeking treatment for depression and low self-esteem.
“If you send me back to duty, I’ll just find another way out,” Wayne said.
Wayne told the nurse that he’d been pretty happy until he was seven and his parents got divorced.
“I lived with my mother until she could not control me and then I moved in with my father,” he said. “I got involved in sports and started lifting weights to carry a macho image, but my parents never went and watched me, they just bought the necessary equipment. I did well in school until I was thirteen years old. When I got a little older, I got involved with the Hells Angels and got into trouble. I joined the Marine Corps . . . [and] also got involved in weight lifting and kickboxing. . . . After I graduated, I used to kick ass every day. I got into NBC (Nuclear, Biological and Chemical Warfare) preparedness school and became an instructor in that. I did well in that—I received meritorious advancement to corporal. I was really happy there. I also got instructor of the month for thirteen weeks. . . . I worked alone and did not like that I was expected to do everything, and slowly I started to make mistakes. I would put on a false front by smiling, and feeling bad about myself inside. I got no gratification from it. . . . I would get an occasional pat on the back, but not at the unit. While this went downhill, my marriage started to go downhill. One time I was at an arcade and this one guy was giving me some shit, so I kicked his ass and put him in the hospital. This scared my wife. She was intelligent but had no common sense. She refused to pay bills, and at times I would hit and kick holes in the wall, and I think she was scared of me from then on. Finally I just gave up on her and now she is in the process of getting a divorce. Well, I think a lot of my problem is a lack of self-discipline with some laziness. Mainly, I just have no self-gratification. I live alone, sleep alone, and can’t stand being alone.”
A drug screen on April 9 showed that Wayne had no recreational or prescription drugs in his system, as was the case in subsequent hospitalizations.
On April 10, the same nurse noted that Wayne was being passive aggressive.
“If they send me back tomorrow, they might as well send me to the brig,” Wayne told him. “I don’t think talking with some jerk for an hour is going to change the way I feel. What I need is to talk to a
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