has been driving me crazy, and seeing what you’d done to my shirt was too much.”
I turned to face him, gripping the edges of my long sleeves over my fingers until they were shrouded like cat paws. “What other stuff?”
“Everything. The way we live. This place is never clean and organized. We never have home-cooked meals. There’s always piles of crap everywhere.” He raised his hands as if in self-defense as he saw me start to speak. “Oh, I know, it looks great right now. And I can see you’ve put dinner in the oven. I appreciate that. But it should be like this all the time. And it can’t be, with both of us working.”
I understood right away what Nick wanted. But I didn’t understand why he wanted it. “I can’t quit my job,” I said numbly. “We can’t afford to lose my salary.”
“I’m about to get a promotion. We’ll be fine.”
“But . . . what would I do all day?”
“Be a wife. Take of the house. And me. And yourself.” He
came closer. “And I’ll take care of you. You’re going to get pregnant soon anyway. You’d have to quit then. So you may as well do it now.”
“Nick, I don’t think — ”
“We’re both stressed, sweetheart. This would help take the pressure off, for you to handle all the stuff that never gets done.” Reaching out, Nick took one of my hands gently, and brought it to his face. “I’m sorry about what I did this morning,” he murmured, nuzzling into my palm. “I swear it’ll never happen again. No matter what.”
“You scared me, Nick,” I whispered. “You weren’t yourself.”
“You’re right. You know that’s not me.” With infinite care, he brought me against him. “No one could love you as much as I do. You’re everything to me. And we’re going to take care of each other, right?”
“I don’t know.” My voice was scratchy and tight. I had never been so torn, wanting to stay and wanting to leave, loving and fearing him.
“You can always get another job if you want,” Nick said reasonably. “But let’s try it this way. I want you to be free for a change.”
I heard myself whisper, “Please don’t do it again, Nick.”
“Never,” he said at once, kissing my head, my ear, my neck. His fingers came very gently to my reddened cheek. “Poor baby,” he murmured. “I’m so glad I did it openhanded, or you’d have a hell of a bruise.”
CHAPTER FOUR
Little by little our marriage closed around me. At first it seemed like heaven when I stopped working. I had all the time I needed to make the condo look perfect. I vacuumed the carpet so the polyester nap was arranged in symmetrical stripes. Every square inch of the kitchen was sparkling and clean. I spent hours poring over recipes, improving my cooking skills. I arranged Nick’s socks in color-coordinated rows in the drawer.
Just before Nick came home from the office, I put on makeup and changed my outfit. I had started to do that after he’d told me one night he hoped I wasn’t one of those women who let themselves go after they’d caught a husband.
If Nick had been a jerk all the time, I wouldn’t have been so compliant. It was the in-between moments that kept me with him, the evenings when we cuddled in front of the TV and watched the news, the impromptu slow dance after dinner when our favorite song came on. He could he affectionate and funny. He could be loving. And he was the first person in my life who had ever needed me. I was his audience, his reflection, his solace, the person without whom he could never be complete. He had found my worst weakness: I was one of those people who was desperate to be needed, to matter to someone.
There was a lot about our relationship that worked. The part that I had a hard time dealing with was the constant sense of being off balance. The men in my life, my fathers and brothers, had always been predictable. Nick, however, reacted differently at different times to the same behavior. I was never certain
I turned to face him, gripping the edges of my long sleeves over my fingers until they were shrouded like cat paws. “What other stuff?”
“Everything. The way we live. This place is never clean and organized. We never have home-cooked meals. There’s always piles of crap everywhere.” He raised his hands as if in self-defense as he saw me start to speak. “Oh, I know, it looks great right now. And I can see you’ve put dinner in the oven. I appreciate that. But it should be like this all the time. And it can’t be, with both of us working.”
I understood right away what Nick wanted. But I didn’t understand why he wanted it. “I can’t quit my job,” I said numbly. “We can’t afford to lose my salary.”
“I’m about to get a promotion. We’ll be fine.”
“But . . . what would I do all day?”
“Be a wife. Take of the house. And me. And yourself.” He
came closer. “And I’ll take care of you. You’re going to get pregnant soon anyway. You’d have to quit then. So you may as well do it now.”
“Nick, I don’t think — ”
“We’re both stressed, sweetheart. This would help take the pressure off, for you to handle all the stuff that never gets done.” Reaching out, Nick took one of my hands gently, and brought it to his face. “I’m sorry about what I did this morning,” he murmured, nuzzling into my palm. “I swear it’ll never happen again. No matter what.”
“You scared me, Nick,” I whispered. “You weren’t yourself.”
“You’re right. You know that’s not me.” With infinite care, he brought me against him. “No one could love you as much as I do. You’re everything to me. And we’re going to take care of each other, right?”
“I don’t know.” My voice was scratchy and tight. I had never been so torn, wanting to stay and wanting to leave, loving and fearing him.
“You can always get another job if you want,” Nick said reasonably. “But let’s try it this way. I want you to be free for a change.”
I heard myself whisper, “Please don’t do it again, Nick.”
“Never,” he said at once, kissing my head, my ear, my neck. His fingers came very gently to my reddened cheek. “Poor baby,” he murmured. “I’m so glad I did it openhanded, or you’d have a hell of a bruise.”
CHAPTER FOUR
Little by little our marriage closed around me. At first it seemed like heaven when I stopped working. I had all the time I needed to make the condo look perfect. I vacuumed the carpet so the polyester nap was arranged in symmetrical stripes. Every square inch of the kitchen was sparkling and clean. I spent hours poring over recipes, improving my cooking skills. I arranged Nick’s socks in color-coordinated rows in the drawer.
Just before Nick came home from the office, I put on makeup and changed my outfit. I had started to do that after he’d told me one night he hoped I wasn’t one of those women who let themselves go after they’d caught a husband.
If Nick had been a jerk all the time, I wouldn’t have been so compliant. It was the in-between moments that kept me with him, the evenings when we cuddled in front of the TV and watched the news, the impromptu slow dance after dinner when our favorite song came on. He could he affectionate and funny. He could be loving. And he was the first person in my life who had ever needed me. I was his audience, his reflection, his solace, the person without whom he could never be complete. He had found my worst weakness: I was one of those people who was desperate to be needed, to matter to someone.
There was a lot about our relationship that worked. The part that I had a hard time dealing with was the constant sense of being off balance. The men in my life, my fathers and brothers, had always been predictable. Nick, however, reacted differently at different times to the same behavior. I was never certain
Similar Books
