think?”
“Well …” Mom said, “I don’t see why she has to find out. She’s in Pittsburg and Great Maudie is in New York. Hand me my robe, please …”
I went to Mom’s closet and pulled down her favorite robe. It’s pink and there’s a hole in one sleeve. I gave it to her, then went into the living room.
Kenny and my father were playing chess. “Did you hear who’s coming?” I asked. “Great Maudie.”
Kenny nodded and moved his bishop.
I stood over my father’s chair. “I thought she’s supposed to be crazy,” I said, while I scratched his back. My father just loves to have his back scratched.
“Not crazy …” he said, “just different … mmm … that feels good.”
“Because my nails are growing!” I showed him. “See … they’re almost past the tips of my fingers.”
Tracy called later. “No news is good news,” she said. “Mr. Machinist didn’t show up.”
“And if he hasn’t found out who we are by now we’re safe,” I told her.
“I think you might be right,” Tracy said.
And then both of us added, “I hope,” at the same time.
11
“I just can’t believe my class
would do such a thing.”
School isn’t as boring as it used to be. Wendy and Caroline made copies of their
How To Have Fun With Blubber
list and on Monday morning they passed them out.
We made Linda say,
I am Blubber
,
the smelly whale of class 206
. We made her say it before she could use the toilet in the Girls’ Room, before she could get a drink at the fountain, before she ate her lunch and before she got on the bus to go home. It was easy to get her to do it. I think she would have done anything we said. There are some people who just make you want to see how far you can go.
Two days later she was saying
I am Blubber, the smelly whale of class 206
without anyone forcing her to. She said it
before
she got a drinkat the fountain,
before
she went to the toilet,
before
she got on and off the bus, and during lunch, she said it
before
she started eating.
“Very good,” Wendy told her. “For that you get a reward. You get to kiss Bruce Bonaventura.”
Bruce wasn’t all that willing to get kissed, which is why Robby and Irwin had to chase him around the room and then hold him down while Wendy and Caroline dragged Linda over to him.
Bruce said, “If she touches my lips I’ll spit at her … so help me, I will!”
So we had to settle for Linda kissing Bruce on the cheek. If you ask me she enjoyed it.
On Thursday we made Linda show the boys her underpants. She wasn’t anxious to do that so Caroline had to hold her hands behind her back while Wendy lifted her skirt.
Irwin found some names for Linda in the Random House Dictionary, which Mrs. Minish keeps in the corner on its own table. He’s really good at looking things up. He can tell you exactly on what page certain words are found. We called Linda “flubsy,” “carnivore” and “bestial.” I didn’t recognize any of them, but they all sounded good.
On Friday, Wendy brought a small piece ofchocolate to school, wrapped in gold foil. It came from a box of Barricini’s somebody had brought her mother. Wendy showed it to Linda after lunch. “My father had to go all the way to New York for this chocolate-covered ant.”
All of us gathered around Linda’s desk. Wendy unwrapped the chocolate. She held it close to Linda’s face. “You’re going to eat this ant, Blubber.”
“No I’m not … and you can’t make me,” Linda said.
“Want to bet?” Wendy asked.
“I could get sick and die and then you’d be in big trouble.”
“I’m willing to take that chance,” Wendy told her.
Linda mashed her lips together and moved her head from side to side, all the time making noises that sounded like she was smothering to death.
Wendy handed me the candy. Then she said, “Grab her hands, Caroline.”
It’s good that Caroline’s so strong because Linda was really wiggling around. Once Caroline had Linda’s hands
“Well …” Mom said, “I don’t see why she has to find out. She’s in Pittsburg and Great Maudie is in New York. Hand me my robe, please …”
I went to Mom’s closet and pulled down her favorite robe. It’s pink and there’s a hole in one sleeve. I gave it to her, then went into the living room.
Kenny and my father were playing chess. “Did you hear who’s coming?” I asked. “Great Maudie.”
Kenny nodded and moved his bishop.
I stood over my father’s chair. “I thought she’s supposed to be crazy,” I said, while I scratched his back. My father just loves to have his back scratched.
“Not crazy …” he said, “just different … mmm … that feels good.”
“Because my nails are growing!” I showed him. “See … they’re almost past the tips of my fingers.”
Tracy called later. “No news is good news,” she said. “Mr. Machinist didn’t show up.”
“And if he hasn’t found out who we are by now we’re safe,” I told her.
“I think you might be right,” Tracy said.
And then both of us added, “I hope,” at the same time.
11
“I just can’t believe my class
would do such a thing.”
School isn’t as boring as it used to be. Wendy and Caroline made copies of their
How To Have Fun With Blubber
list and on Monday morning they passed them out.
We made Linda say,
I am Blubber
,
the smelly whale of class 206
. We made her say it before she could use the toilet in the Girls’ Room, before she could get a drink at the fountain, before she ate her lunch and before she got on the bus to go home. It was easy to get her to do it. I think she would have done anything we said. There are some people who just make you want to see how far you can go.
Two days later she was saying
I am Blubber, the smelly whale of class 206
without anyone forcing her to. She said it
before
she got a drinkat the fountain,
before
she went to the toilet,
before
she got on and off the bus, and during lunch, she said it
before
she started eating.
“Very good,” Wendy told her. “For that you get a reward. You get to kiss Bruce Bonaventura.”
Bruce wasn’t all that willing to get kissed, which is why Robby and Irwin had to chase him around the room and then hold him down while Wendy and Caroline dragged Linda over to him.
Bruce said, “If she touches my lips I’ll spit at her … so help me, I will!”
So we had to settle for Linda kissing Bruce on the cheek. If you ask me she enjoyed it.
On Thursday we made Linda show the boys her underpants. She wasn’t anxious to do that so Caroline had to hold her hands behind her back while Wendy lifted her skirt.
Irwin found some names for Linda in the Random House Dictionary, which Mrs. Minish keeps in the corner on its own table. He’s really good at looking things up. He can tell you exactly on what page certain words are found. We called Linda “flubsy,” “carnivore” and “bestial.” I didn’t recognize any of them, but they all sounded good.
On Friday, Wendy brought a small piece ofchocolate to school, wrapped in gold foil. It came from a box of Barricini’s somebody had brought her mother. Wendy showed it to Linda after lunch. “My father had to go all the way to New York for this chocolate-covered ant.”
All of us gathered around Linda’s desk. Wendy unwrapped the chocolate. She held it close to Linda’s face. “You’re going to eat this ant, Blubber.”
“No I’m not … and you can’t make me,” Linda said.
“Want to bet?” Wendy asked.
“I could get sick and die and then you’d be in big trouble.”
“I’m willing to take that chance,” Wendy told her.
Linda mashed her lips together and moved her head from side to side, all the time making noises that sounded like she was smothering to death.
Wendy handed me the candy. Then she said, “Grab her hands, Caroline.”
It’s good that Caroline’s so strong because Linda was really wiggling around. Once Caroline had Linda’s hands
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