was, but as I did, the first vision’s light continued to grow
stronger until it was brilliant and white. And then there were lights as bright
as suns... No wait those weren't suns they were...people? An incredible
roar...a choir… so many voices singing in a key I’d never heard before. A
musical outburst so lovely my soul trembled. Sounds exploded into cascading
stars, and all I could do was continue to sing and become one with the
beautiful choir. And then the cacophony of glory was in my head, louder, and
brighter until I felt like I was being consumed by it.
Underneath it all, a diminutive
voice shouted. I stopped singing to listen.
“Can’t control it,” the voice
cried. “It's too strong!” It sounded like Dad.
“Call her back,” another
voice said. Mom? Were they talking about me? They sounded so far away.
“Angel, come home!” Dad
shouted. He was speaking Aramaic, and his voice grew louder by degrees until it
was a roar within a roar. “Libero!” he commanded, compelling me to return.
Fighting the pull of the
choir, I pushed myself toward his voice. Dad!
“Angel! I'm here. We're
here.”
I followed the sound of his
voice until I fell back into my body, back into the pain. I opened my eyes,
unsure of what I would see. Mom, Dad, and Cici were all there, all looking at
me as if they were looking for me. “I’m here,” I moaned.
Mom hugged me fiercely, despite
my cries of pain. There were tears in her eyes.
“Mom, she's okay,” Cici said.
But I didn't feel okay. My
eyes were still open, but my family, along with everything else in room, faded
into darkness. And then there was no more pain.
“She's dying,” I heard Cici
say. And then there was nothing at all.
11.
ARMY OF ME
I woke up again, feeling fully conscious
for the very first time in my life. Every memory I had flashed before my eyes
as if I were some breathing camcorder on sixteen-year rewind. I saw everything
I'd previously forgotten. The light hitting my eyes when I came out of Mom's
body and the immenseness of Dad's face as he looked down on me. I felt Mom’s
hot hands as she held me close and heard the sound of their laughter. I
remembered being held by Cici for the first time and falling asleep in her
arms.
I remembered every lame day
at school, every conversation I'd had, every gig, and every face in any
audience I performed for. But despite the detail, all the memories seemed hazy
because up until this moment, I’d been no more than a walking, talking, eating
fetus, and my growing body had been a chrysalis. Now, I was really alive and
the difference was amazing. Every nerve ending tingled with its own awareness.
The pain had been worth it.
My senses were magnified by a
million. With just the tiniest effort, I heard every human heartbeat on our
block. I wasn't sure how far out the range went, but it sounded like a little
more than two hundred hearts. Then there were the heartbeats and movements of
the animal life teeming around me. The insects crawling around in the walls
were especially loud and annoying. I wanted to dig my fingers into the plaster
and remove them one by one to bring the continual slithering sounds to an end.
Instead, I tuned out the noise and focused on my new, sharper eyesight.
“She's alive!” Cici’s excited tones traveled up the stairs. Wow, was her voice
always so utterly perfect? Its rays danced before my eyes until I couldn’t
distinguish between sound and sight. They were now one and the same, for as
surely as notes had formed before my mortal eyes, now every sound did, too.
I breathed deeply and it was
like sight, taste, sound, and texture were all rolled into one mega-sense.
Everything I ever needed to know about anything was contained in all the scents
within my range, and the impact of this sensory overload knocked me back on the
mattress. I inhaled again.
Oh.
My.
God.
Hunger rocketed me off the
bed. Before I even knew I was standing up, I was downstairs in the
stronger until it was brilliant and white. And then there were lights as bright
as suns... No wait those weren't suns they were...people? An incredible
roar...a choir… so many voices singing in a key I’d never heard before. A
musical outburst so lovely my soul trembled. Sounds exploded into cascading
stars, and all I could do was continue to sing and become one with the
beautiful choir. And then the cacophony of glory was in my head, louder, and
brighter until I felt like I was being consumed by it.
Underneath it all, a diminutive
voice shouted. I stopped singing to listen.
“Can’t control it,” the voice
cried. “It's too strong!” It sounded like Dad.
“Call her back,” another
voice said. Mom? Were they talking about me? They sounded so far away.
“Angel, come home!” Dad
shouted. He was speaking Aramaic, and his voice grew louder by degrees until it
was a roar within a roar. “Libero!” he commanded, compelling me to return.
Fighting the pull of the
choir, I pushed myself toward his voice. Dad!
“Angel! I'm here. We're
here.”
I followed the sound of his
voice until I fell back into my body, back into the pain. I opened my eyes,
unsure of what I would see. Mom, Dad, and Cici were all there, all looking at
me as if they were looking for me. “I’m here,” I moaned.
Mom hugged me fiercely, despite
my cries of pain. There were tears in her eyes.
“Mom, she's okay,” Cici said.
But I didn't feel okay. My
eyes were still open, but my family, along with everything else in room, faded
into darkness. And then there was no more pain.
“She's dying,” I heard Cici
say. And then there was nothing at all.
11.
ARMY OF ME
I woke up again, feeling fully conscious
for the very first time in my life. Every memory I had flashed before my eyes
as if I were some breathing camcorder on sixteen-year rewind. I saw everything
I'd previously forgotten. The light hitting my eyes when I came out of Mom's
body and the immenseness of Dad's face as he looked down on me. I felt Mom’s
hot hands as she held me close and heard the sound of their laughter. I
remembered being held by Cici for the first time and falling asleep in her
arms.
I remembered every lame day
at school, every conversation I'd had, every gig, and every face in any
audience I performed for. But despite the detail, all the memories seemed hazy
because up until this moment, I’d been no more than a walking, talking, eating
fetus, and my growing body had been a chrysalis. Now, I was really alive and
the difference was amazing. Every nerve ending tingled with its own awareness.
The pain had been worth it.
My senses were magnified by a
million. With just the tiniest effort, I heard every human heartbeat on our
block. I wasn't sure how far out the range went, but it sounded like a little
more than two hundred hearts. Then there were the heartbeats and movements of
the animal life teeming around me. The insects crawling around in the walls
were especially loud and annoying. I wanted to dig my fingers into the plaster
and remove them one by one to bring the continual slithering sounds to an end.
Instead, I tuned out the noise and focused on my new, sharper eyesight.
“She's alive!” Cici’s excited tones traveled up the stairs. Wow, was her voice
always so utterly perfect? Its rays danced before my eyes until I couldn’t
distinguish between sound and sight. They were now one and the same, for as
surely as notes had formed before my mortal eyes, now every sound did, too.
I breathed deeply and it was
like sight, taste, sound, and texture were all rolled into one mega-sense.
Everything I ever needed to know about anything was contained in all the scents
within my range, and the impact of this sensory overload knocked me back on the
mattress. I inhaled again.
Oh.
My.
God.
Hunger rocketed me off the
bed. Before I even knew I was standing up, I was downstairs in the
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