the door.
“ Sarge! ” I shouted after him. “Don’t be so bloody cruel!”
Two seconds later, a blonde head poked itself around the door. “Well, fuck me with a prickly pear! I can see you’re still alive, judging by the racket you’re making, Tessie Fuller. I could hear you screaming down the fucking hallway. Anyone would think Jake Bycraft had you, panties down, up against the wall, banging your brains out.”
“Sorry, ma’am,” I blushed.
The Sarge had escaped just in time. It was the Super.
Chapter 4
Superintendent Fiona Midden, the most feared woman in Big Town, was medium height, rail-thin and fifty-something with a shock of straw-like bleached hair, brown leathery skin, a pixie face, bright blue eyes and a sexy, husky voice from her chain-smoking habit. She was hard, foul-mouthed and didn’t take any prisoners.
She was back in uniform again after recently being promoted from inspector in charge of the Big Town detectives to superintendent in charge of the entire station and the local district, including our small police station in Little Town. She was throwing a party tomorrow night at her house to celebrate her promotion and the Sarge and I were both invited. We hadn’t yet decided which one of us could go, but we both knew it would be me. She was boss to both of us, but she was also my long-time friend and mentor.
She picked up my left arm, twisted it around, frowning at the bandage before gently placing it back on the bed.
“Red fucking Bycraft,” she said with simple hatred, shaking her head. “Next time you have a date with him, you put the first bullet through his dick and the second one through his brain. Do you hear me, Tessie? That’s an order.”
“Yes, ma’am. It will be my pleasure. But hopefully I’ll be the one with the gun next time.”
“I’m told his gun had a pink handle?” I nodded my reluctant affirmation of that dire fact. Her voice was sorrowful, “Tess, I’m so fucking embarrassed for you. I really am.”
“Thanks, ma’am,” I replied dryly. “I’m feeling the love.”
She cupped my chin in her hand and examined my face. “Christ! You’re as pale as an anaemic vampire in a fucking Twilight movie. How much blood did you lose exactly?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen a doctor yet.”
She turned suddenly and bellowed. The good citizens of Big Town could probably hear her out on the street, let alone down the hallway. “ Bum? Where the fuck are you? Get your arse in here, now!”
A heavy tread approached the room at double-time before a gigantic shape filled the doorway. I groaned when he stepped into the room.
“Ma’am, why did you have to bring him along? He’s making me feel worse already.”
She patted my hand consolingly.
“Sorry, ma’am,” Bum said. “There was this real pretty nurse at the desk and I just –”
“Bum, you peabrain!” she shouted. “If you could stop thinking about your over-wanked microscopic dick for one second, you might actually help your colleagues solve some fucking crime in this district. Wouldn’t that be a novel experience for you? Now get your fat head in here and get your notebook out of your arse and make yourself useful for once.”
“Hi Tessie,” he said calmly, taking out his notebook and pen, unfazed by the Super’s rants. He’d heard it all a million times before.
“Hi Bum,” I acknowledged unenthusiastically.
Detective Constable Burn Grunion, or Bum Bunion as we all called him, was the less-than-incredible hulk. A fanatical bodybuilder, his muscles almost burst through the business shirts he wore as a plain clothes detective. He was as massive a presence as Uluru and almost as smart as a big, red rock. Almost.
For some reason the Super had given him the job of being her driver since she’d been promoted. She claimed it was because driving was the only thing he was any good at, which was probably true, and even then according to her he drove more erratically
“ Sarge! ” I shouted after him. “Don’t be so bloody cruel!”
Two seconds later, a blonde head poked itself around the door. “Well, fuck me with a prickly pear! I can see you’re still alive, judging by the racket you’re making, Tessie Fuller. I could hear you screaming down the fucking hallway. Anyone would think Jake Bycraft had you, panties down, up against the wall, banging your brains out.”
“Sorry, ma’am,” I blushed.
The Sarge had escaped just in time. It was the Super.
Chapter 4
Superintendent Fiona Midden, the most feared woman in Big Town, was medium height, rail-thin and fifty-something with a shock of straw-like bleached hair, brown leathery skin, a pixie face, bright blue eyes and a sexy, husky voice from her chain-smoking habit. She was hard, foul-mouthed and didn’t take any prisoners.
She was back in uniform again after recently being promoted from inspector in charge of the Big Town detectives to superintendent in charge of the entire station and the local district, including our small police station in Little Town. She was throwing a party tomorrow night at her house to celebrate her promotion and the Sarge and I were both invited. We hadn’t yet decided which one of us could go, but we both knew it would be me. She was boss to both of us, but she was also my long-time friend and mentor.
She picked up my left arm, twisted it around, frowning at the bandage before gently placing it back on the bed.
“Red fucking Bycraft,” she said with simple hatred, shaking her head. “Next time you have a date with him, you put the first bullet through his dick and the second one through his brain. Do you hear me, Tessie? That’s an order.”
“Yes, ma’am. It will be my pleasure. But hopefully I’ll be the one with the gun next time.”
“I’m told his gun had a pink handle?” I nodded my reluctant affirmation of that dire fact. Her voice was sorrowful, “Tess, I’m so fucking embarrassed for you. I really am.”
“Thanks, ma’am,” I replied dryly. “I’m feeling the love.”
She cupped my chin in her hand and examined my face. “Christ! You’re as pale as an anaemic vampire in a fucking Twilight movie. How much blood did you lose exactly?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen a doctor yet.”
She turned suddenly and bellowed. The good citizens of Big Town could probably hear her out on the street, let alone down the hallway. “ Bum? Where the fuck are you? Get your arse in here, now!”
A heavy tread approached the room at double-time before a gigantic shape filled the doorway. I groaned when he stepped into the room.
“Ma’am, why did you have to bring him along? He’s making me feel worse already.”
She patted my hand consolingly.
“Sorry, ma’am,” Bum said. “There was this real pretty nurse at the desk and I just –”
“Bum, you peabrain!” she shouted. “If you could stop thinking about your over-wanked microscopic dick for one second, you might actually help your colleagues solve some fucking crime in this district. Wouldn’t that be a novel experience for you? Now get your fat head in here and get your notebook out of your arse and make yourself useful for once.”
“Hi Tessie,” he said calmly, taking out his notebook and pen, unfazed by the Super’s rants. He’d heard it all a million times before.
“Hi Bum,” I acknowledged unenthusiastically.
Detective Constable Burn Grunion, or Bum Bunion as we all called him, was the less-than-incredible hulk. A fanatical bodybuilder, his muscles almost burst through the business shirts he wore as a plain clothes detective. He was as massive a presence as Uluru and almost as smart as a big, red rock. Almost.
For some reason the Super had given him the job of being her driver since she’d been promoted. She claimed it was because driving was the only thing he was any good at, which was probably true, and even then according to her he drove more erratically
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