cremated the last one. How many more this week?” He counts the money while talking to me. I met John one night when I was younger and new to the game. He offered me his services when he heard what I did, though it comes with a hefty price tag. To have this advantage where no one actually finding remains anywhere is a bonus, and the authorities would not think to look in a morgue. So I owe him big, hence the reason I pay him big.
“None,” I tell him. He stops counting and looks up to me.
“You turning a new leaf?” he jokes, but he may be possibly right.
“Business is slow,” I say, not letting my thoughts show. He nods his head and points to a bag of ashes.
“You want them?” I look at the bag of ashes that used to contain a living, breathing person and shake my head.
By the time I’ve finished at the morgue, I drive to the address Sax sent me. I think about turning back several times. Not going, but a pull I do not understand draws me in that direction.
So when I pull up and Sax is waiting out the front for me with a beer in his hand and a smoke between his lips, I hope I’ve made the right decision.
He hands me one and I take a seat on the veranda across from him. He doesn’t say anything, just passes me a beer and looks out.
“I got engaged,” he states. I nod my head, having no idea what he expects me to say. “Don’t bring up what you do,” he warns me. He needn’t worry about that, I never do anyway. Sax works in the security business for rich businessmen clientele. I met him through a job. We didn’t talk much, just the basics. It was a job, no reason to become friends. He always seemed to have an edge, one where he could be one of your worst nightmares if he chose to be. I respected that, respected his work. It doesn’t come easy, the line of work he’s in. Mine, well, it does come easy, but not many people can do it for as long as I have and still maintain the professionalism and exceptionalism I possess.
“I like her, I see why you do,” he says after a moment of silence.
A car pulls up. Sax stands and walks down to a short brunette who slides out from the driver’s seat. She looks up at me and smiles and waves. I don’t return the action and watch the passenger who hasn’t moved. Her eyes are glued on me though.
The brunette urges Rose out of the car. Eventually she climbs out and stands, slowly walking toward me. She looks unsure now, weaker than she was when I saw her last.
“What’s wrong?” I immediately ask, thinking the worst. Her eyes look up at me, then back to the ground.
“I need…” she starts to say and swings her head back to where her friend stands with Sax.
“Come,” I say, reaching for her hand and holding it tight. I practically drag her to my car, opening the door and letting her in. When I shut the door, I turn to see Sax and her friend staring at us wide eyed. I don’t acknowledge them, and walk around to the driver’s side and drive away.
“You need a hit?” I ask her, and she starts twitching with her hands, playing with them.
She looks up at me and nods her head. “I didn’t… didn’t until he came in.” Her head starts to shake. “How will I ever get better if just seeing him makes me want to go to that dark place again?” I can hear the pain in her voice, the internal struggle she’s currently fighting within herself. I don’t know who exactly she’s talking about, though I guess it’s the man she once loved.
“You told me,” I say, trying to think of somewhere to drive us so I can distract her from the want. I would like to fuck her, fuck her so hard that all she will crave will be me, but I won’t.
“I trust you,” she whispers. It’s weird for someone to say those words to me. They have never been said. For me it’s usually fear, terror, anger. Never trust.
“You shouldn’t,” I say, pulling off to the side of the road and stopping at a train station. It’s familiar. I climb out grabbing spray cans of paint.
“None,” I tell him. He stops counting and looks up to me.
“You turning a new leaf?” he jokes, but he may be possibly right.
“Business is slow,” I say, not letting my thoughts show. He nods his head and points to a bag of ashes.
“You want them?” I look at the bag of ashes that used to contain a living, breathing person and shake my head.
By the time I’ve finished at the morgue, I drive to the address Sax sent me. I think about turning back several times. Not going, but a pull I do not understand draws me in that direction.
So when I pull up and Sax is waiting out the front for me with a beer in his hand and a smoke between his lips, I hope I’ve made the right decision.
He hands me one and I take a seat on the veranda across from him. He doesn’t say anything, just passes me a beer and looks out.
“I got engaged,” he states. I nod my head, having no idea what he expects me to say. “Don’t bring up what you do,” he warns me. He needn’t worry about that, I never do anyway. Sax works in the security business for rich businessmen clientele. I met him through a job. We didn’t talk much, just the basics. It was a job, no reason to become friends. He always seemed to have an edge, one where he could be one of your worst nightmares if he chose to be. I respected that, respected his work. It doesn’t come easy, the line of work he’s in. Mine, well, it does come easy, but not many people can do it for as long as I have and still maintain the professionalism and exceptionalism I possess.
“I like her, I see why you do,” he says after a moment of silence.
A car pulls up. Sax stands and walks down to a short brunette who slides out from the driver’s seat. She looks up at me and smiles and waves. I don’t return the action and watch the passenger who hasn’t moved. Her eyes are glued on me though.
The brunette urges Rose out of the car. Eventually she climbs out and stands, slowly walking toward me. She looks unsure now, weaker than she was when I saw her last.
“What’s wrong?” I immediately ask, thinking the worst. Her eyes look up at me, then back to the ground.
“I need…” she starts to say and swings her head back to where her friend stands with Sax.
“Come,” I say, reaching for her hand and holding it tight. I practically drag her to my car, opening the door and letting her in. When I shut the door, I turn to see Sax and her friend staring at us wide eyed. I don’t acknowledge them, and walk around to the driver’s side and drive away.
“You need a hit?” I ask her, and she starts twitching with her hands, playing with them.
She looks up at me and nods her head. “I didn’t… didn’t until he came in.” Her head starts to shake. “How will I ever get better if just seeing him makes me want to go to that dark place again?” I can hear the pain in her voice, the internal struggle she’s currently fighting within herself. I don’t know who exactly she’s talking about, though I guess it’s the man she once loved.
“You told me,” I say, trying to think of somewhere to drive us so I can distract her from the want. I would like to fuck her, fuck her so hard that all she will crave will be me, but I won’t.
“I trust you,” she whispers. It’s weird for someone to say those words to me. They have never been said. For me it’s usually fear, terror, anger. Never trust.
“You shouldn’t,” I say, pulling off to the side of the road and stopping at a train station. It’s familiar. I climb out grabbing spray cans of paint.
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