Read Online Black Jade by David Zindell - Free Book Online
Authors: David Zindell
Tags: Fantasy
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red like an ember as I pointed it toward our enemy. 'Can you "see" him?'
Atara drew out her scryer's crystal and stood rolling it between her hands. She said, 'Everywhere I look now, Morjin is there. It is why I am loath to look.'
'Your gift,' I told her, 'is a curse. As is mine.'
I went on to relate my conversation with Kane. She came up close to me and grasped my hand. 'No, it is just the opposite. Kane was right: you have yet to learn how to use the valarda.'
I wrenched free my hand and said, 'If I could, I would cut it out of me, the way I've cut off others' hands and carved out their hearts.'
'No - please don't say that!'
'Such terrible things I have done! And what is yet to come?'
I stared at the Red Knights' campfires, then Atara touched my cheek to turn my face toward her. And she said to me, 'I don't know what is to come, strange though you might think it. But I know what has been. And I know where I have been, with my gift.'
She held up her gelstei: a little white sphere gleaming beneath the white circle of the moon. 'I've tried to tell you what it is like to see as I have seen. To live. Such glory! So much light! Truly, there are infinite possibilities, the dreams of the stars waiting to be made real. I've seen them all, inside this crystal. And here, for too long, I have dwelled. It is splendid, beyond the beating of a butterfly's wings or the sun rising over the sea. But it is cold. It is like being frozen in ice at the top of a mountain as high as the stars. And all the time, I am so utterly, utterly alone.'
'A curse,' I said softly as I covered her crystal with my hand.
'No! You don't see ! The price of such beauty has been such terrible isolation - almost too terrible to bear. But I have borne it, even gloried in it, because of you. Your gift. You are such a gift, Valashu. You have a heart of fire, and it is so brilliantly, brilliantly beautiful! Is there any ice it could not melt? No, I know - only you. You bring me back into the world, where everything is warm and sweet. I don't want to know what it would be like to live without you. You are the one being with whom I do not feel alone.'
Her hand was warm against mine. Because she had no eyes, she could not weep. And so I wept for her instead.
'Kane has suggested,' I finally told her, 'that I should use the valarda to manipulate Bajorak. Like a puppeteer pulling on strings.' She smiled sadly and shook her head. 'Kane is so knowing. But sometimes, so willfully blind.'
'How should I use the valarda, then?'
'You know,' she said to me. Her voice was as cool and gentle as the wind. 'You've always known, and you always will know, when the time comes.'
I looked out at the millions of stars shimmering through the night. The black sky could hold their splendor, but how could any man?
'And now,' she said to me, 'you should get some rest. Tomorrow will be a long day, and a bad one, I think. Come to bed, Val.'
She pulled at my hand to lead me back to our camp. But I let go of her to grip my sword, and I told her, 'In a moment.'
I watched her walk back to the fire as she had come, and I marvelled yet again that she could find her way without the use of her eyes. I wondered then how I would ever find my own way to whatever end awaited me. I gazed at Alkaladur, whose silustria glistered with dark reds and violets. The Sword of Fate, men called it. How should I point it, I wondered, toward all that was good, beautiful and true? I wondered, too, if I would ever be free of the valarda. I had spoken of using my sword to make a brutal surgery upon myself, but I might as well try to cut away my face, my limbs and all my flesh - no less my memories and dreams - and hope to remain Valashu Elahad.
'So, just so,' I whispered.
And with this sudden affirmation, my heart opened, and my sword filled with the light of the stars. Then, to my astonishment, its substance began radiating a pure and deep glorre. This was the secret color inside all others, the true color
Atara drew out her scryer's crystal and stood rolling it between her hands. She said, 'Everywhere I look now, Morjin is there. It is why I am loath to look.'
'Your gift,' I told her, 'is a curse. As is mine.'
I went on to relate my conversation with Kane. She came up close to me and grasped my hand. 'No, it is just the opposite. Kane was right: you have yet to learn how to use the valarda.'
I wrenched free my hand and said, 'If I could, I would cut it out of me, the way I've cut off others' hands and carved out their hearts.'
'No - please don't say that!'
'Such terrible things I have done! And what is yet to come?'
I stared at the Red Knights' campfires, then Atara touched my cheek to turn my face toward her. And she said to me, 'I don't know what is to come, strange though you might think it. But I know what has been. And I know where I have been, with my gift.'
She held up her gelstei: a little white sphere gleaming beneath the white circle of the moon. 'I've tried to tell you what it is like to see as I have seen. To live. Such glory! So much light! Truly, there are infinite possibilities, the dreams of the stars waiting to be made real. I've seen them all, inside this crystal. And here, for too long, I have dwelled. It is splendid, beyond the beating of a butterfly's wings or the sun rising over the sea. But it is cold. It is like being frozen in ice at the top of a mountain as high as the stars. And all the time, I am so utterly, utterly alone.'
'A curse,' I said softly as I covered her crystal with my hand.
'No! You don't see ! The price of such beauty has been such terrible isolation - almost too terrible to bear. But I have borne it, even gloried in it, because of you. Your gift. You are such a gift, Valashu. You have a heart of fire, and it is so brilliantly, brilliantly beautiful! Is there any ice it could not melt? No, I know - only you. You bring me back into the world, where everything is warm and sweet. I don't want to know what it would be like to live without you. You are the one being with whom I do not feel alone.'
Her hand was warm against mine. Because she had no eyes, she could not weep. And so I wept for her instead.
'Kane has suggested,' I finally told her, 'that I should use the valarda to manipulate Bajorak. Like a puppeteer pulling on strings.' She smiled sadly and shook her head. 'Kane is so knowing. But sometimes, so willfully blind.'
'How should I use the valarda, then?'
'You know,' she said to me. Her voice was as cool and gentle as the wind. 'You've always known, and you always will know, when the time comes.'
I looked out at the millions of stars shimmering through the night. The black sky could hold their splendor, but how could any man?
'And now,' she said to me, 'you should get some rest. Tomorrow will be a long day, and a bad one, I think. Come to bed, Val.'
She pulled at my hand to lead me back to our camp. But I let go of her to grip my sword, and I told her, 'In a moment.'
I watched her walk back to the fire as she had come, and I marvelled yet again that she could find her way without the use of her eyes. I wondered then how I would ever find my own way to whatever end awaited me. I gazed at Alkaladur, whose silustria glistered with dark reds and violets. The Sword of Fate, men called it. How should I point it, I wondered, toward all that was good, beautiful and true? I wondered, too, if I would ever be free of the valarda. I had spoken of using my sword to make a brutal surgery upon myself, but I might as well try to cut away my face, my limbs and all my flesh - no less my memories and dreams - and hope to remain Valashu Elahad.
'So, just so,' I whispered.
And with this sudden affirmation, my heart opened, and my sword filled with the light of the stars. Then, to my astonishment, its substance began radiating a pure and deep glorre. This was the secret color inside all others, the true color
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