Read Online Bitter Melon by Cara Chow - Free Book Online

years of my life makes me not want to go to college at all.
    “So, are you applying to other colleges besides Berkeley?” Ms. Taylor asks.
    “San Francisco State, just in case I don’t get into Berkeley,” I reply.
    “You ought to apply to all the UCs, just to expand your options,” Ms. Taylor says. “They’re all on one application, so all you have to do is check off the other schools.”
    Only Berkeley is prestigious enough for Mom. It is also the only UC within commuter distance. I smile and nod, hoping that Ms. Taylor will change the subject.
    “Have you ever thought about Scripps College?” Ms. Taylor says.
    Because St. Elizabeth’s is a private all-girls high school, it invites recruiters from various private women’s colleges to speakto us about their schools. Scripps is definitely a St. Elizabeth’s favorite, along with Mills, Smith, and Wellesley. “We can’t afford to go to Scripps,” I say.
    “You could apply for scholarships and take out student loans. I did.”
    “It’s too far away.”
    “Far away is a great opportunity to develop your sense of identity and independence.”
    A cold wave creeps through me. I sit on my hands to still their shaking.
    “At first, I was really afraid to go away to college too, but I made new friends and started making my own decisions,” says Ms. Taylor. “Trust me, a women’s college is a very nurturing and empowering learning environment for a young woman. Actually, it was my experience at Scripps that inspired me to teach at an all-girls high school.”
    Could college actually be fun, unlike grade school and high school?
    “What was it like there?” I ask.
    “Well, it’s a lot smaller than a UC or State, so it was more intimate,” says Ms. Taylor. “I felt like a person, not a number. I really got to know the professors, and a couple of them became my mentors. They were the ones who got me fired up about literature and language and teaching. Also, I met my closest friends there. Before college, I had friends to hang out with but no one I could call a kindred spirit. It wasn’t until college that I met people my age who got me. By the time I graduated, I hadthis big feeling inside, like I had accomplished so much and could accomplish so much more.”
    Wow. Currently, I have “friends” at school, people with whom I’m friendly, but I’ve never felt completely comfortable with them. Theresa is the only friend whose company I enjoy. Until now, I’ve perceived college as an extension of high school, only worse, with more students, more faculty, and more pressure. I imagine being at a college like Scripps, living among a community of Theresas, being taught by a whole faculty of Ms. Taylors. No one there would criticize me for my looks or for liking one thing and not another. I could pursue whatever inspired me. If such a college existed, I would go, not with head down, but with my arms wide open.
    “Was your mom okay with your going away?” I ask.
    “She was the one who suggested it in the first place,” Ms. Taylor says. “She wanted me to have a good education, spread my wings and fly. My first month in college, I cried every day and called home asking to drop out or transfer. But Mom encouraged me to stick it out one semester. By the end of the semester, I loved it. I just needed time to discover that I could do it on my own.”
    “Wow. Your mom sounds pretty liberal.”
    “That’s one way to look at it. You see, my dad was a real dud, and my mom realized that she didn’t want me to walk the same path that she had, so she really pushed me in a different direction. That’s what every mom wants for her kids, to do better than she had done. I’m sure your mom feels the same way.”
    That’s exactly what my mom has said, yet her methods are so different from that of Ms. Taylor’s mom. I wonder if Ms. Taylor’s mom is one of a kind, or if there are other moms like her too.
    “Where are you from originally?” I ask.
    “North