way more fun than
—
Shut up , I told her. Anyone who’d do it in the back of a
’79 Pinto doesn’t get a vote.
But Kyphas sure thought she had a say. “Vayl is only going to become a bigger burden to you. Cut him loose before his enemies realize he’s become vulnerable and you spend what’s left of your life fighting for a brief interlude that wil never happen again.”
I leaned in to the wal , feeling the knife in my pocket slide back as my balance changed. “I could have Cole anytime I wanted. I don’t need your help, if it comes to that.
So why are you real y here?”
She nodded, giving me a good-on-you look that reminded me of al the times I’d passed Vayl’s little tests.
The bitch. “I knew you were a quick study. Of course, if you real y wanted Cole, I could smooth the road for the rest of your lives. But you and I both know he’s not your true desire.”
“No?”
She shook her head. “You want Vayl back? I could give him to you. Along with your job. Just like it was before your boss went and got his throat slashed.”
“Who did it?” I demanded.
She wagged a finger in front of my face, which I had a juvenile desire to bite. “Information is expensive, Jasmine.
Are you wil ing to pay for the name of Pete’s kil er?” I realized I’d pushed forward, letting her know how eager I was for any facts I could gather related to his case. I let my shoulder blades fal against the wal .
“Al right, then,” said Kyphas. “For Vayl? What would you give to have your greatest love back? How much do you miss Vayl right this minute? Or Matt? I could give you either one, just like this.” She snapped her fingers. Was it just me, or did I see a spark light the air along with the sound? I felt something move inside my chest. Vayl. Matt.
The two best things that had ever happened to me. Both lost by the age of twenty-six. Boy, could I pick ’em, or what?
I peered toward the lounge, where Cole’s laughter, Bergman’s staccato comments, and Monique’s soft tones offset the rumble of Vayl’s voice. Even from here his presence made me feel a little less like feeding Kyphas a couple of bul ets. So what if I could have him back? Or Matt? What if I could close my eyes, turn around, and see him standing there, smiling, just like he’d been the morning before he died. Saying, “I love you, Jazzer. After we get married, let’s dump this gig, build a big house, and fil it with dogs and kids and bowls of fruit salad!” And I’d laugh and throw a pil ow at him, and maybe we wouldn’t leave the bedroom right away after al .
I slid my hand into my pocket, said, “So this is how you do it, huh?”
“Do what?”
“Corrupt decent people. You start talking to them about the gravel-road stuff they’re pondering. Because everybody has thoughts like that. It’s just part of the shit your brain churns up every day. Demons, though, they take that shit and make it seem like a newly sealed interstate.”
“It’s not?”
“Not when you factor in the price.”
“But you’re tempted.”
“ I am human.” I’m human. After all this time and all that’s happened, I’m still … I began to smile.
“You’ve got no reason to show your teeth,” Kyphas snapped. “You’re more miserable than you’ve been in nearly two years.”
“Nope. Maybe you have to strip the meat off a relationship to understand what its bindings are made of.
And that’s why Vayl could never tel me ful out what it meant to be the avhar to his sverhamin . He just had to slip his ring on my finger and hope someday I’d figure it out for myself.” I held Cirilai up to the light coming from the hal . The red facets reflecting on Kyphas’s face made her look diseased.
“Oh, right,” she scoffed. “Your lover thinks you’re a fat old lady and suddenly you understand why you can’t leave him?”
I shrugged. “Ten days. Ten years. Time stops counting when you’ve found somebody you can’t live without for the second
—
Shut up , I told her. Anyone who’d do it in the back of a
’79 Pinto doesn’t get a vote.
But Kyphas sure thought she had a say. “Vayl is only going to become a bigger burden to you. Cut him loose before his enemies realize he’s become vulnerable and you spend what’s left of your life fighting for a brief interlude that wil never happen again.”
I leaned in to the wal , feeling the knife in my pocket slide back as my balance changed. “I could have Cole anytime I wanted. I don’t need your help, if it comes to that.
So why are you real y here?”
She nodded, giving me a good-on-you look that reminded me of al the times I’d passed Vayl’s little tests.
The bitch. “I knew you were a quick study. Of course, if you real y wanted Cole, I could smooth the road for the rest of your lives. But you and I both know he’s not your true desire.”
“No?”
She shook her head. “You want Vayl back? I could give him to you. Along with your job. Just like it was before your boss went and got his throat slashed.”
“Who did it?” I demanded.
She wagged a finger in front of my face, which I had a juvenile desire to bite. “Information is expensive, Jasmine.
Are you wil ing to pay for the name of Pete’s kil er?” I realized I’d pushed forward, letting her know how eager I was for any facts I could gather related to his case. I let my shoulder blades fal against the wal .
“Al right, then,” said Kyphas. “For Vayl? What would you give to have your greatest love back? How much do you miss Vayl right this minute? Or Matt? I could give you either one, just like this.” She snapped her fingers. Was it just me, or did I see a spark light the air along with the sound? I felt something move inside my chest. Vayl. Matt.
The two best things that had ever happened to me. Both lost by the age of twenty-six. Boy, could I pick ’em, or what?
I peered toward the lounge, where Cole’s laughter, Bergman’s staccato comments, and Monique’s soft tones offset the rumble of Vayl’s voice. Even from here his presence made me feel a little less like feeding Kyphas a couple of bul ets. So what if I could have him back? Or Matt? What if I could close my eyes, turn around, and see him standing there, smiling, just like he’d been the morning before he died. Saying, “I love you, Jazzer. After we get married, let’s dump this gig, build a big house, and fil it with dogs and kids and bowls of fruit salad!” And I’d laugh and throw a pil ow at him, and maybe we wouldn’t leave the bedroom right away after al .
I slid my hand into my pocket, said, “So this is how you do it, huh?”
“Do what?”
“Corrupt decent people. You start talking to them about the gravel-road stuff they’re pondering. Because everybody has thoughts like that. It’s just part of the shit your brain churns up every day. Demons, though, they take that shit and make it seem like a newly sealed interstate.”
“It’s not?”
“Not when you factor in the price.”
“But you’re tempted.”
“ I am human.” I’m human. After all this time and all that’s happened, I’m still … I began to smile.
“You’ve got no reason to show your teeth,” Kyphas snapped. “You’re more miserable than you’ve been in nearly two years.”
“Nope. Maybe you have to strip the meat off a relationship to understand what its bindings are made of.
And that’s why Vayl could never tel me ful out what it meant to be the avhar to his sverhamin . He just had to slip his ring on my finger and hope someday I’d figure it out for myself.” I held Cirilai up to the light coming from the hal . The red facets reflecting on Kyphas’s face made her look diseased.
“Oh, right,” she scoffed. “Your lover thinks you’re a fat old lady and suddenly you understand why you can’t leave him?”
I shrugged. “Ten days. Ten years. Time stops counting when you’ve found somebody you can’t live without for the second
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