Read Online Better Off Dead by H. P. Mallory - Free Book Online Page B

over his shoulder. Multicolored pills of various sizes and shapes—maybe twenty of them, lay inside. He fished out two oblong, yellow ones. Realizing what they were, a fire of rage began to ignite inside me accordingly.
    “ Drugs?” I snapped, immediately glancing at his monitor as I wondered if it would go off at the mere proximity of something illegal, or if Bill would have to swallow the pills first. “Your dependencies on alcohol and drugs are what got me killed in the first place!” I railed at him, my hands on my hips. “How dare you even think to start using again in front of me!”
    “ First of all, Nurse Ratched, these aren’t drugs,” Bill said curtly, enunciating each word, in a tone dripping with irritation. “So before you go run and tell that to Skeletor and make yourself look like an arch douche, pay attention.” Then he handed one of the pills to me.
    “ What is it?” I asked, frowning. I made no attempt to accept it. “And what the heck is an arch douche?”
    “ Are you incapable of saying “hell,’” he spat back at me.
    “ I don’t see the point,” I started but he interrupted me.
    “ I refuse to hang out with you if you say ‘what the heck’ one more time. That’s like nerd talk and then some.” I frowned as he continued. “Come on, say it, h-e-l-l...”
    I took a deep breath but gave in, not finding the wherewithal to argue with him about something so completely idiotic. “What the hell is an arch douche?”
    He smiled. “That’s better, reverse cowgirl,” he said and smiled even wider. “An arch douche is someone high up the corporate ladder who’s also a total and complete douche bag. Case in point? Skeletor. He’s like the arch douche of arch douches.”
    I just shook my head.
    “It’s a good one if you want to borrow it sometime,” Bill added.
    “ Thanks for that,” I grumbled. “So were you going to get back to the point about what the heck, er hell, these pills are anyway?”
    “ These little guys are gonna help us see what the hell is out there,” he barked back. “Now stop being an ask-hole and take the damn thing!”
    I opened my palm with a frown, not appreciating the name calling. Bill dropped the pill into my palm as I inspected it with my index finger. I glanced up at him and sighed, still wondering if I should trust him or not.
    “It's AE provided,” he said, his eyebrow cocked. Then he tossed the pill into his mouth and made an exaggerated effort of swallowing it. “Bon appétit,” he grinned.
    I stared down at the nondescript pill in my hand, still reluctant to do anything more than that. I mean, Bill had a history of problems with illegal narcotics, so why wouldn’t I expect him to pull a fast one over on me? And, furthermore, having never taken any illegal substances in my life, I wasn’t about to start now.
    “What do you want, a written invitation? ” Bill asked, waving his little starfish hand as if to say, “Get on with it.” With a sigh, I brought the pill to my mouth, plopped it on my tongue, and swallowed it. Then I just waited, anxious for the pill to do its stuff, but after a few seconds, I couldn’t say I felt any different. I glanced at Bill, wondering why nothing seemed to be happening.
    “Nothing's different?” I whispered, without realizing why I was whispering. "I don ’t think mine worked.”
    He frowned. “Look around.”
    So I did—first I glanced to my left and then to my right. The pine trees looked the same as they had a few minutes ago, and as far as I could tell, the snow on the ground hadn’t really changed—except, perhaps it had melted just a bit more. I gazed at the trunks of the trees, my eyes moving upward to each great expanse of branches. A flurry of snow sailed through the sky and landed on my cheek. It felt like regular snow—just as cold.
    “Maybe you gave me the wrong pill,” I said, bringing my attention back to the ground. But the words froze on my tongue. Bright white lights suddenly