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Authors: H. P. Mallory
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strands.
“Damn spiders,” he muttered, wiping the sticky remnants of the web on his pants and continuing forward. Not wanting to be left alone in Narnia, I followed.
How does this make any sense? I asked myself, shaking my head as I tried to piece together the puzzle. You stepped into that house and then suddenly you’re out here? In the wilderness? Maybe it was some sort of portal?
My thoughts were interrupte d by the sound of Bill clearing his throat. Actually he sounded more like someone attempting to start an old engine in the dead of winter. “Huhhh! Hreeeph! Hoogannitt!” he grunted, slamming his fist into his chest as if to help clear whatever needed clearing. “Think I swallowed that spider,” he grumbled before leaning over and hawking up something foul in a nearby bush. Then he started clearing his throat again, a sound that was beginning to make my stomach queasy.
“So, what? We just keep walking?” I asked, wanting to concentrate on other, more important topics—such as what in the heck our plan was. I didn’t think exploring this weird place was such a good idea. Instead, I was of the vote that we retrace our steps and try to find the cabin again so we could get the heck out of Dodge.
“You gotta better idea, Slick? ” he grumbled and then paused. “Whhheeeck!” he finished, spitting up another mouthful.
I frowned, thinking I wanted nothing more t han to turn around and go back rather than continue traipsing through some random forest, the location of which was still a complete question. “Aren’t you in the least bit apprehensive as to where we’re going? Or how we got here?”
“ Pah!” Bill said, waving away my anxiety with his arm. Then he fished inside his mouth with his squat index finger and wiped away the debris on his pants. “It’s no hair off my balls,” he continued with a shrug. “The nav led us here, and I’ve never heard of an AE nav unit being wrong; so as far as I can figure, we must be where we’re ’sposed to be.”
“ But …” I started.
“ Hey,” he said, turning around to face me. He tucked his Oompa-Loompa-like arms across his wide chest. “If you wanna give yourself anxiarrhea , be my guest. ” He grunted something unintelligible while rubbing his belly. “Hopefully, Sherwood Forest’s got some grub ’cause I am hungry like the wolf.” Then he started humming “Rio” by Duran Duran but somehow I couldn’t find it within me to correct him.
Instead, I took a deep breath and tried to calm my beating heart. Fear has its use, but cowardice has none , I repeated Gandhi’s words in my head and acquired a new feeling of determination. I hastened my steps and caught up with Bill. A wind shook through the pines and a clump of snow fell onto my shoulder.
“You got snow-shitted on,” Bill said with a hefty laugh, sweeping the wet flakes away with his short, chubby fingers. Then he simply went back to forging a path through the wilderness, taking us God only knew where. And not feeling brave enough to go it alone, I had no choice but to follow him.
The snow crunched underfoot as we trekked deeper into the forest. The scurry of woodland creatures rustled from the snowy ferns and bushes below the massive pines. The canopy of branches kept the forest in darkness, dappling the sunlight as it shone through in multiple, shimmering pockets.
Bill suddenly stopped walking mid-stride, and I nearly plowed right into him. He remained frozen and I wasn’t sure if it was because he thought he heard something which gave him cause for pause, or if he were just setting the stage for a massive fart.
I figured it was most likely the latter.
“What?” I whispered.
“ I got this funny feeling that ...” Then he cocked his head to the side and sighed only to shake his head and smile reassuringly.” Nah, the feeling’s gone ... I think it’s all good.” Then he slid his hand into his pocket and produced a small, green plastic box. He opened it as I glanced
“Damn spiders,” he muttered, wiping the sticky remnants of the web on his pants and continuing forward. Not wanting to be left alone in Narnia, I followed.
How does this make any sense? I asked myself, shaking my head as I tried to piece together the puzzle. You stepped into that house and then suddenly you’re out here? In the wilderness? Maybe it was some sort of portal?
My thoughts were interrupte d by the sound of Bill clearing his throat. Actually he sounded more like someone attempting to start an old engine in the dead of winter. “Huhhh! Hreeeph! Hoogannitt!” he grunted, slamming his fist into his chest as if to help clear whatever needed clearing. “Think I swallowed that spider,” he grumbled before leaning over and hawking up something foul in a nearby bush. Then he started clearing his throat again, a sound that was beginning to make my stomach queasy.
“So, what? We just keep walking?” I asked, wanting to concentrate on other, more important topics—such as what in the heck our plan was. I didn’t think exploring this weird place was such a good idea. Instead, I was of the vote that we retrace our steps and try to find the cabin again so we could get the heck out of Dodge.
“You gotta better idea, Slick? ” he grumbled and then paused. “Whhheeeck!” he finished, spitting up another mouthful.
I frowned, thinking I wanted nothing more t han to turn around and go back rather than continue traipsing through some random forest, the location of which was still a complete question. “Aren’t you in the least bit apprehensive as to where we’re going? Or how we got here?”
“ Pah!” Bill said, waving away my anxiety with his arm. Then he fished inside his mouth with his squat index finger and wiped away the debris on his pants. “It’s no hair off my balls,” he continued with a shrug. “The nav led us here, and I’ve never heard of an AE nav unit being wrong; so as far as I can figure, we must be where we’re ’sposed to be.”
“ But …” I started.
“ Hey,” he said, turning around to face me. He tucked his Oompa-Loompa-like arms across his wide chest. “If you wanna give yourself anxiarrhea , be my guest. ” He grunted something unintelligible while rubbing his belly. “Hopefully, Sherwood Forest’s got some grub ’cause I am hungry like the wolf.” Then he started humming “Rio” by Duran Duran but somehow I couldn’t find it within me to correct him.
Instead, I took a deep breath and tried to calm my beating heart. Fear has its use, but cowardice has none , I repeated Gandhi’s words in my head and acquired a new feeling of determination. I hastened my steps and caught up with Bill. A wind shook through the pines and a clump of snow fell onto my shoulder.
“You got snow-shitted on,” Bill said with a hefty laugh, sweeping the wet flakes away with his short, chubby fingers. Then he simply went back to forging a path through the wilderness, taking us God only knew where. And not feeling brave enough to go it alone, I had no choice but to follow him.
The snow crunched underfoot as we trekked deeper into the forest. The scurry of woodland creatures rustled from the snowy ferns and bushes below the massive pines. The canopy of branches kept the forest in darkness, dappling the sunlight as it shone through in multiple, shimmering pockets.
Bill suddenly stopped walking mid-stride, and I nearly plowed right into him. He remained frozen and I wasn’t sure if it was because he thought he heard something which gave him cause for pause, or if he were just setting the stage for a massive fart.
I figured it was most likely the latter.
“What?” I whispered.
“ I got this funny feeling that ...” Then he cocked his head to the side and sighed only to shake his head and smile reassuringly.” Nah, the feeling’s gone ... I think it’s all good.” Then he slid his hand into his pocket and produced a small, green plastic box. He opened it as I glanced
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