me,” she said. “You lust after me.”
“No, I love you. I’ve felt it before. I know what it feels like.”
“Don’t say that,” she said, rising and pacing around the car. “Please, I can’t handle you saying that.”
“It’s how I feel. Would you rather I lied to you?”
“Yes. Lie to me. Tell me you hate me. Tell me you’re sleep ing with twenty-year-old bimbos behind my back and that I don’t mean anything to you. That I’m just a piece of ass.”
“I’d never say that. It’s not true.”
She shook her head. “You have no idea how painful this is for me.”
“Then don’t let it be.” He came to her and lifted her chin so they were gazing at each other. “Don’t let it be. It’s as easy as that. You have one life. One body. Don’t let your enjoyment of it make you feel guilty.”
“I bet that’s really easy to say. Especially when you don’t have a spouse to look in the face every night before bed and tell them you love them and know that you’re stabbing them in the heart.”
“Is he any worse off because you’ve met me? Has anything changed? I bet nothing has. I love you, Kali. I don’t care if I have to share you. I would rather share you with him than lose you.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re so young. You don’t know what love is, or what any of this means. You just don’t have enough experience.”
“I don’t care.” He kissed her, his lips light and sweet. “All I know is that when I kiss you, when I’m inside you, when I’m holding you… the entire world goes away. That has to mean something.”
She pulled away from him. “I don’t know what it means.”
Kali got into her car and started it. He came to the window and leaned down. “I want to see you tomorrow. Come to my studio in the morning. I’ll be in bed waiting for you. Don’t make me wait.”
With that, he walked away. Kali watched as he climbed into his jeep and drove off. And somehow, despite everything she had just said to him, everything she felt, all the guilt and shame and remorse, she knew she would be at his house the next morning. In his bed, feeling his body become one with hers. She didn’t know if it was love, and didn’t think it was. But whatever it was, it seemed just as powerful and wouldn’t let her go.
18
The days tended to melt into each other the next few weeks. Furious chaos in the mornings trying to get everyone out the door, and days spent with Sebastian. Once, Kali even called Adam and told him that she had a girl’s night planned with Elaina and would be staying late at her house. Then she went to Sebastian. They made love several times and she slept in his arms. In the dark, she could only take in his scent and it aroused her like she had never been aroused.
Another night, she didn’t get home until one in the morning. But Adam was sound asleep. Part of her said that it was because he was such a sound sleeper and was exhausted. And another part, the part that stung, said that he trusted her fully, and could sleep soundly knowing she wasn’t doing anything he would disapprove of.
Sebastian had an artist’s hours and he would frequently spend the entire day with her. They would go to the beach or to trendy restaurants—paid for by Sebastian even though Kali would insist to pay—and make stops at places they’d never been but always wanted to go.
One morning, Kali had Adam get the kids ready for school under the pretense that she had an early yoga class. She then met Sebastian and they drove to Las Vegas. They spent the day there, Kali texting Adam to pick the kids up and that she would be home late. She even asked Elaina to lie for her if Adam called.
“Why?” Elaina asked.
“Do you really want to know?”
“No, forget I asked.”
“I really appreciate it, Elaina.”
“What’re friends for, I guess. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
Vegas solidified them. They made love in a lavish suite overlooking
“No, I love you. I’ve felt it before. I know what it feels like.”
“Don’t say that,” she said, rising and pacing around the car. “Please, I can’t handle you saying that.”
“It’s how I feel. Would you rather I lied to you?”
“Yes. Lie to me. Tell me you hate me. Tell me you’re sleep ing with twenty-year-old bimbos behind my back and that I don’t mean anything to you. That I’m just a piece of ass.”
“I’d never say that. It’s not true.”
She shook her head. “You have no idea how painful this is for me.”
“Then don’t let it be.” He came to her and lifted her chin so they were gazing at each other. “Don’t let it be. It’s as easy as that. You have one life. One body. Don’t let your enjoyment of it make you feel guilty.”
“I bet that’s really easy to say. Especially when you don’t have a spouse to look in the face every night before bed and tell them you love them and know that you’re stabbing them in the heart.”
“Is he any worse off because you’ve met me? Has anything changed? I bet nothing has. I love you, Kali. I don’t care if I have to share you. I would rather share you with him than lose you.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re so young. You don’t know what love is, or what any of this means. You just don’t have enough experience.”
“I don’t care.” He kissed her, his lips light and sweet. “All I know is that when I kiss you, when I’m inside you, when I’m holding you… the entire world goes away. That has to mean something.”
She pulled away from him. “I don’t know what it means.”
Kali got into her car and started it. He came to the window and leaned down. “I want to see you tomorrow. Come to my studio in the morning. I’ll be in bed waiting for you. Don’t make me wait.”
With that, he walked away. Kali watched as he climbed into his jeep and drove off. And somehow, despite everything she had just said to him, everything she felt, all the guilt and shame and remorse, she knew she would be at his house the next morning. In his bed, feeling his body become one with hers. She didn’t know if it was love, and didn’t think it was. But whatever it was, it seemed just as powerful and wouldn’t let her go.
18
The days tended to melt into each other the next few weeks. Furious chaos in the mornings trying to get everyone out the door, and days spent with Sebastian. Once, Kali even called Adam and told him that she had a girl’s night planned with Elaina and would be staying late at her house. Then she went to Sebastian. They made love several times and she slept in his arms. In the dark, she could only take in his scent and it aroused her like she had never been aroused.
Another night, she didn’t get home until one in the morning. But Adam was sound asleep. Part of her said that it was because he was such a sound sleeper and was exhausted. And another part, the part that stung, said that he trusted her fully, and could sleep soundly knowing she wasn’t doing anything he would disapprove of.
Sebastian had an artist’s hours and he would frequently spend the entire day with her. They would go to the beach or to trendy restaurants—paid for by Sebastian even though Kali would insist to pay—and make stops at places they’d never been but always wanted to go.
One morning, Kali had Adam get the kids ready for school under the pretense that she had an early yoga class. She then met Sebastian and they drove to Las Vegas. They spent the day there, Kali texting Adam to pick the kids up and that she would be home late. She even asked Elaina to lie for her if Adam called.
“Why?” Elaina asked.
“Do you really want to know?”
“No, forget I asked.”
“I really appreciate it, Elaina.”
“What’re friends for, I guess. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
Vegas solidified them. They made love in a lavish suite overlooking
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