someone who truly needed it.” No matter what yarn he’d spun for the kind Mrs. Jackson, the clothes had been necessary. It had been fate that Grace was tall enough to fit into them, and that the garments had lain fallow for five years, paid for and discarded. Sometimes good things happened, but in his experience, it was the exception, not the rule.
“Not that I agree that I needed it.”
He frowned at her. “Why not?”
She threw her right hand in the air. “I put this on to ride through a town and not make a spectacle. To be normal. Ben, I don’t know how to do that. I’ve been living as a man. I gave up my right to anything feminine a year ago.”
“I think you’re full of shit.” He kneed Paladin into a faster pace. “You didn’t give up any rights. You threw them away along with your life to chase a ghost and rescue your son. Don’t tell me any different, because I see what’s your heart, Grace Beckett. It’s a scary place, just like mine.”
Ben didn’t know where the words had come from, but they rolled from deep within him and rang of the truth. She sucked in an audible breath but didn’t reply.
He continued as though he couldn’t stop until he’d expunged the words from within his soul. “It’s time we were honest with each other, especially if we’re going to be riding side by side for another week or more. We’re both broken inside and we both want revenge against the family that ruined us. While the sun shines around us, we live in the darkest of darkness. It’s hard to see the light when you wear the blinders of hate.” His voice broke and his chest threatened to explode from the emotions that banged around against his ribs. Ben never let the demons out and, for some unknown reason, Grace inspired them to wreak havoc.
“Then why did you come with me?” Her voice was so low, he barely heard her.
It was a valid question. One he’d asked himself over and over since they’d left his hideout in the woods. There was never only one reason.
“Aside from revenge, which is obvious, I think I’m also doing this for redemption. I’ve made so many mistakes that led to more mistakes and worse. There’s no salvation for me, but perhaps I can redeem my tattered soul a little by finding your Henry.” The image of the boy, a small version of the blonde woman who rode beside him, raced through his mind, weeping, enduring, cowering. Ben wanted to vomit at the thought of another child being hurt.
His voice gained strength with each word that dropped from his mouth. “I should have done something a long time ago. Nobody deserves to be taken from their homes and families. Nobody deserves to be sold like chattel no matter who you are or where you come from. I should have stood up for all of those who can’t speak for themselves.” Something wet hit his hand and he wondered if it was raining, but no, it was a tear. Ben shook with a storm of emotion that raged within him. “You were right. I was hiding. I was pretending I didn’t exist and that the world could go on without me in it. Damn you, Grace, for reminding me the world still turned.”
There was no rancor in his words, just a tired acceptance of what she’d done and why. He wasn’t angry with her. He was angry with himself.
She rode up beside him, close enough to grab his hand. He didn’t, couldn’t, look at her, but she held his hand so tight, his fingers ground against hers.
“You’re right about all of it, but you’re wrong about one thing. You deserve salvation because you are worth it. Don’t ever believe that the world forgot you, because it didn’t. Your family loves you and they will be the first to join me in telling you that you are worth saving.” Her voice shook with what he assumed was tears, but he daren’t turn his head even a fraction of an inch or he would lose any semblance of control.
“That doesn’t make it true.”
A sob echoed past him. “Maybe, not but perhaps between the two of us, we can
“Not that I agree that I needed it.”
He frowned at her. “Why not?”
She threw her right hand in the air. “I put this on to ride through a town and not make a spectacle. To be normal. Ben, I don’t know how to do that. I’ve been living as a man. I gave up my right to anything feminine a year ago.”
“I think you’re full of shit.” He kneed Paladin into a faster pace. “You didn’t give up any rights. You threw them away along with your life to chase a ghost and rescue your son. Don’t tell me any different, because I see what’s your heart, Grace Beckett. It’s a scary place, just like mine.”
Ben didn’t know where the words had come from, but they rolled from deep within him and rang of the truth. She sucked in an audible breath but didn’t reply.
He continued as though he couldn’t stop until he’d expunged the words from within his soul. “It’s time we were honest with each other, especially if we’re going to be riding side by side for another week or more. We’re both broken inside and we both want revenge against the family that ruined us. While the sun shines around us, we live in the darkest of darkness. It’s hard to see the light when you wear the blinders of hate.” His voice broke and his chest threatened to explode from the emotions that banged around against his ribs. Ben never let the demons out and, for some unknown reason, Grace inspired them to wreak havoc.
“Then why did you come with me?” Her voice was so low, he barely heard her.
It was a valid question. One he’d asked himself over and over since they’d left his hideout in the woods. There was never only one reason.
“Aside from revenge, which is obvious, I think I’m also doing this for redemption. I’ve made so many mistakes that led to more mistakes and worse. There’s no salvation for me, but perhaps I can redeem my tattered soul a little by finding your Henry.” The image of the boy, a small version of the blonde woman who rode beside him, raced through his mind, weeping, enduring, cowering. Ben wanted to vomit at the thought of another child being hurt.
His voice gained strength with each word that dropped from his mouth. “I should have done something a long time ago. Nobody deserves to be taken from their homes and families. Nobody deserves to be sold like chattel no matter who you are or where you come from. I should have stood up for all of those who can’t speak for themselves.” Something wet hit his hand and he wondered if it was raining, but no, it was a tear. Ben shook with a storm of emotion that raged within him. “You were right. I was hiding. I was pretending I didn’t exist and that the world could go on without me in it. Damn you, Grace, for reminding me the world still turned.”
There was no rancor in his words, just a tired acceptance of what she’d done and why. He wasn’t angry with her. He was angry with himself.
She rode up beside him, close enough to grab his hand. He didn’t, couldn’t, look at her, but she held his hand so tight, his fingers ground against hers.
“You’re right about all of it, but you’re wrong about one thing. You deserve salvation because you are worth it. Don’t ever believe that the world forgot you, because it didn’t. Your family loves you and they will be the first to join me in telling you that you are worth saving.” Her voice shook with what he assumed was tears, but he daren’t turn his head even a fraction of an inch or he would lose any semblance of control.
“That doesn’t make it true.”
A sob echoed past him. “Maybe, not but perhaps between the two of us, we can
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