didn’t matter what he thought because I’d do what I wanted to do anyway. As if his opinion was irrelevant. And the truth? The truth is he was right; I took the position even knowing he didn’t want me to.’
Harper stopped. Realized that she was whining. These weren’t survival issues. They were trivial, in the scope of life’s calamities. What the hell? Why was she sniveling about her husband’s moods, her job opportunity? She was tougher than that, Army strong. Not a self-pitying sniveler. And yet, here she was, sniveling the hell out of her hour with Leslie: oh, poor me. Look at what a bad time I’m having.
She began to back off, change the subject.
‘No, Harper. Don’t try to gloss over this. It’s important.’
It was?
‘Fact is I’ve been waiting for something like this to come up.’
Really?
‘Sadly, the catalyst was the death of your friend, which we also need to talk about. But one thing at a time. First, let’s focus on you and Hank.’
Oh dear. ‘OK.’
‘Frankly, I think it’s a good thing that he’s expressing his feelings. Given all that’s he’s been through, don’t you think his attitude has been a little too positive this last year?’
Maybe. Yes, actually.
‘Look, Harper. After his accident, the two of you went through incredible stress and anxiety. Both your lives changed dramatically, but – face it, Hank’s changed far more than yours. He suffered physical losses like his speech, and professional ones like his professorship. Beyond that, he’s inevitably coping with psychological and emotional issues. He’s a strong guy, but he’s still only human. How has his injury affected his sense of self? His identity? The fact is that Hank needs to rediscover himself and find out a new way to be Hank.’
Harper nodded. She’d known all that. She thought Hank had been working it out, that he’d find his new path with time. ‘He’s been dealing with all that. It’s been over a year, and so far, he’s been fine.’
Leslie paused, pursed her lips. ‘Hank’s had a lot of physical healing to do. That took his energy for quite a while. And you’ve said he’s pretty macho, right? So I imagine he’d fight his emotions. He wouldn’t let himself admit how powerless he feels, or how depressed. I mean, would he?’
No. Definitely not. Harper should have known, should have anticipated Hank’s emotional reactions to his accident. After all, she’d been terribly depressed after her injuries in Iraq; she was still suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Why should she expect Hank to be any less vulnerable?
Obviously, because she’d wanted him to be. She’d wanted to believe he was basically unchanged. Still the old Hank.
Leslie went on. ‘The fact is that to fully recover, Hank needs to go through this phase. He needs to see himself as he is, to mourn what he isn’t any more, to accept what he’s lost. He can’t really heal or integrate what happened without allowing these feelings to emerge, however sad or angry or frustrated they may be. So in a way, it’s a healthy sign that he’s not pretending any more that everything’s just dandy. He’s admitting his emotions, and that’s a big step toward coming to terms with what’s happened.’
So Hank’s depression was a good thing? Harper thought of his losses. Remembered him preparing a lecture, hiking up a mountain trail, setting up a tent in the woods. Whooshing past her downhill on skis . . . No. She couldn’t go there. That Hank was gone.
The hour was almost up. Harper’s chai sat untouched on the coffee table.
‘Next time, we’ll need to talk about your friend’s death and that assistantship. But about Hank – given his tough exterior, I’d bet that he’s struggling a lot more than he’s letting on. I’d keep a close eye on him.’
She would?
‘Make sure he knows that help is available. It’s good that you remind him how important he is to you, but he’s dealing fundamentally with
Harper stopped. Realized that she was whining. These weren’t survival issues. They were trivial, in the scope of life’s calamities. What the hell? Why was she sniveling about her husband’s moods, her job opportunity? She was tougher than that, Army strong. Not a self-pitying sniveler. And yet, here she was, sniveling the hell out of her hour with Leslie: oh, poor me. Look at what a bad time I’m having.
She began to back off, change the subject.
‘No, Harper. Don’t try to gloss over this. It’s important.’
It was?
‘Fact is I’ve been waiting for something like this to come up.’
Really?
‘Sadly, the catalyst was the death of your friend, which we also need to talk about. But one thing at a time. First, let’s focus on you and Hank.’
Oh dear. ‘OK.’
‘Frankly, I think it’s a good thing that he’s expressing his feelings. Given all that’s he’s been through, don’t you think his attitude has been a little too positive this last year?’
Maybe. Yes, actually.
‘Look, Harper. After his accident, the two of you went through incredible stress and anxiety. Both your lives changed dramatically, but – face it, Hank’s changed far more than yours. He suffered physical losses like his speech, and professional ones like his professorship. Beyond that, he’s inevitably coping with psychological and emotional issues. He’s a strong guy, but he’s still only human. How has his injury affected his sense of self? His identity? The fact is that Hank needs to rediscover himself and find out a new way to be Hank.’
Harper nodded. She’d known all that. She thought Hank had been working it out, that he’d find his new path with time. ‘He’s been dealing with all that. It’s been over a year, and so far, he’s been fine.’
Leslie paused, pursed her lips. ‘Hank’s had a lot of physical healing to do. That took his energy for quite a while. And you’ve said he’s pretty macho, right? So I imagine he’d fight his emotions. He wouldn’t let himself admit how powerless he feels, or how depressed. I mean, would he?’
No. Definitely not. Harper should have known, should have anticipated Hank’s emotional reactions to his accident. After all, she’d been terribly depressed after her injuries in Iraq; she was still suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Why should she expect Hank to be any less vulnerable?
Obviously, because she’d wanted him to be. She’d wanted to believe he was basically unchanged. Still the old Hank.
Leslie went on. ‘The fact is that to fully recover, Hank needs to go through this phase. He needs to see himself as he is, to mourn what he isn’t any more, to accept what he’s lost. He can’t really heal or integrate what happened without allowing these feelings to emerge, however sad or angry or frustrated they may be. So in a way, it’s a healthy sign that he’s not pretending any more that everything’s just dandy. He’s admitting his emotions, and that’s a big step toward coming to terms with what’s happened.’
So Hank’s depression was a good thing? Harper thought of his losses. Remembered him preparing a lecture, hiking up a mountain trail, setting up a tent in the woods. Whooshing past her downhill on skis . . . No. She couldn’t go there. That Hank was gone.
The hour was almost up. Harper’s chai sat untouched on the coffee table.
‘Next time, we’ll need to talk about your friend’s death and that assistantship. But about Hank – given his tough exterior, I’d bet that he’s struggling a lot more than he’s letting on. I’d keep a close eye on him.’
She would?
‘Make sure he knows that help is available. It’s good that you remind him how important he is to you, but he’s dealing fundamentally with
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