Read Online Behind the Pitch, a novella: Seeking Serenity 1.5 by Eden Butler - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Eden Butler
Tags: new adult
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misery.”
Sayo’s body sags and she plops into the seat next to me. She takes to flicking against the paint on her nails again. “You fucked up, you know that, right?”
“I do.”
Instantly, she shakes her head. “I don’t think you understand, Declan. You know Autumn. You know her fears. After everything you guys went through, after putting herself out there for you, you walked away from her.”
“I was angry.” It’s no excuse, I know that. Sayo knows I know that. I only wish Autumn did. “But I didn’t think she’d want me to stay away.”
“To her, everyone leaves. You see that, don’t you?” When I lower my head on the table, trying to conceal my leaking eyes, Sayo touches my shoulder, gives it a small pat. Her voice comes out softer, more controlled when she speaks again. “I know it’s irrational. I know you may not get it, but you’re the first guy since Tucker that she’s let in. You’re her first real love.”
“And I’ll be her last, if she’ll have me back.” I say, my head popping up.
“Well, you’re going to have to prove that to her, aren’t you?”
“How the hell do I do that? Tell me what to do.” Sayo’s fingers are cold when I grab her hand. “I’ll do anything. Any fecking thing at all.”
The expression on her face is a puzzle. I know she’s considering my pathetic, whiney state, trying to gage if I’m really as broken up over Autumn’s radio silence as I seem to be. I get it. Sayo is Autumn’s best friend. They’re more like sisters and I’m just some arsehole who showed up making promises I haven’t managed to keep.
Finally, Sayo smiles and her body relaxes. “Do something monumental. Something that proves to Autumn that you care more about her than anything.”
“Like what?”
She shrugs. “You need to figure that out for yourself. Autumn doesn’t like words.” She collects her things, throws her bag over her shoulder before she moves from the table to stare down at me. “She’s about action. And Declan, if you love her, if you really love her, then you have to show her. Actions, not words. Monumental actions.”
I’d never had anything all to my own.
Not really.
When you’re a poor kid in Ireland, you get used to that sort of thing; the distain of wanting things that can’t be yours, the sense that the things you do want are just out of reach. Over time, you come to understand that what you want for yourself, anything you want for yourself, you can only manage if you take it. Or if you earn it.
My step-da made sure, once he came back into my life, that I did not go without. He worked very hard to give me the things I’d never had when it was just Mum and me. Eventually, the wanting went away, but with that came the understanding that you have to appreciate the rare gems you are given.
I’ve never wanted anything like I wanted Autumn McShane. Oh, I knew she wasn’t a thing. She was much more than so many things . And when I said I wanted her, I didn’t mean I wanted a quick shag, thank you, that’s all and I’m done.
I wanted her to touch me and mean it.
I wanted to wake up in the mornings to the smell of her hair across my chest.
I wanted to touch her body, to have her touch mine and know that this is who loves me, this is who I love.
I never wanted to put that shocked, hurt expression on her face again. The same one she wore when I walked away from her.
Because of secrets.
They are not my secrets, but I cannot tell her that. And Morrison. Fecking, buggering, pouncy Tucker arsehole Morrison and his bleeding threats.
“Stay away from Autumn, Fraser. Stay away or you’ll lose a hell of a lot more than your spot on the squad. I’ll make sure of it.”
He knew the secret that wasn’t mine to tell. He knew that if Autumn discovered it, she’d hate me. I wouldn’t blame her. And there I was on the pitch, watching her talk to that amadan Morrison with the sad, angry expression on her face. Heather was blabbering
Sayo’s body sags and she plops into the seat next to me. She takes to flicking against the paint on her nails again. “You fucked up, you know that, right?”
“I do.”
Instantly, she shakes her head. “I don’t think you understand, Declan. You know Autumn. You know her fears. After everything you guys went through, after putting herself out there for you, you walked away from her.”
“I was angry.” It’s no excuse, I know that. Sayo knows I know that. I only wish Autumn did. “But I didn’t think she’d want me to stay away.”
“To her, everyone leaves. You see that, don’t you?” When I lower my head on the table, trying to conceal my leaking eyes, Sayo touches my shoulder, gives it a small pat. Her voice comes out softer, more controlled when she speaks again. “I know it’s irrational. I know you may not get it, but you’re the first guy since Tucker that she’s let in. You’re her first real love.”
“And I’ll be her last, if she’ll have me back.” I say, my head popping up.
“Well, you’re going to have to prove that to her, aren’t you?”
“How the hell do I do that? Tell me what to do.” Sayo’s fingers are cold when I grab her hand. “I’ll do anything. Any fecking thing at all.”
The expression on her face is a puzzle. I know she’s considering my pathetic, whiney state, trying to gage if I’m really as broken up over Autumn’s radio silence as I seem to be. I get it. Sayo is Autumn’s best friend. They’re more like sisters and I’m just some arsehole who showed up making promises I haven’t managed to keep.
Finally, Sayo smiles and her body relaxes. “Do something monumental. Something that proves to Autumn that you care more about her than anything.”
“Like what?”
She shrugs. “You need to figure that out for yourself. Autumn doesn’t like words.” She collects her things, throws her bag over her shoulder before she moves from the table to stare down at me. “She’s about action. And Declan, if you love her, if you really love her, then you have to show her. Actions, not words. Monumental actions.”
I’d never had anything all to my own.
Not really.
When you’re a poor kid in Ireland, you get used to that sort of thing; the distain of wanting things that can’t be yours, the sense that the things you do want are just out of reach. Over time, you come to understand that what you want for yourself, anything you want for yourself, you can only manage if you take it. Or if you earn it.
My step-da made sure, once he came back into my life, that I did not go without. He worked very hard to give me the things I’d never had when it was just Mum and me. Eventually, the wanting went away, but with that came the understanding that you have to appreciate the rare gems you are given.
I’ve never wanted anything like I wanted Autumn McShane. Oh, I knew she wasn’t a thing. She was much more than so many things . And when I said I wanted her, I didn’t mean I wanted a quick shag, thank you, that’s all and I’m done.
I wanted her to touch me and mean it.
I wanted to wake up in the mornings to the smell of her hair across my chest.
I wanted to touch her body, to have her touch mine and know that this is who loves me, this is who I love.
I never wanted to put that shocked, hurt expression on her face again. The same one she wore when I walked away from her.
Because of secrets.
They are not my secrets, but I cannot tell her that. And Morrison. Fecking, buggering, pouncy Tucker arsehole Morrison and his bleeding threats.
“Stay away from Autumn, Fraser. Stay away or you’ll lose a hell of a lot more than your spot on the squad. I’ll make sure of it.”
He knew the secret that wasn’t mine to tell. He knew that if Autumn discovered it, she’d hate me. I wouldn’t blame her. And there I was on the pitch, watching her talk to that amadan Morrison with the sad, angry expression on her face. Heather was blabbering
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