have a mobile?’
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I don’t see the need for one.’
‘But everybody over the age of ten and under the age of eighty has one!’
‘Well, not me,’ I say, amused—despite myself—at her reaction.
‘I know, it’s incredible, isn’t it?’ says Diane. ‘I’ve tried to persuade her to buy one but she isn’t interested.’
‘But how on earth does anybody get hold of you when you’re out and about?’ wonders Esther.
I shrug. ‘They don’t.’
‘Which is quite a good thing,’ says Diane dryly. ‘I can’t go shopping without Adam or one of the children phoning to ask me to get them something, or to find out when I’ll be back. The number of times I’ve been standing at the checkout in Tesco trying to load all my shopping into bags while trying to sort out something at home doesn’t bear thinking about.’
‘But what if you have a problem?’ asks Esther, still trying to get her head round it.
‘People managed perfectly well before without mobiles,’ I point out.
‘Yes, back in the Dark Ages.’ She turns to Jack. ‘Jack, buy your wife a mobile, for God’s sake!’
Jack opens his hands in a gesture of defeat. ‘I’d be only too happy to. But I know that if I did, she wouldn’t use it.’
‘I can’t believe that—not once she realises how practical they are.’
‘Jack’s right, I wouldn’t,’ I confirm.
‘Please tell me you have a computer.’
‘Yes, of course I do.’
‘Then could I have your email address?’
‘Sure. It’s
[email protected].
’
‘Isn’t that Jack’s address?’
‘It’s mine too.’
She raises her head and looks at me quizzically from across the table. ‘Don’t you have your own address?’
‘What for? Jack and I don’t have any secrets from each other. And if people email me, it’s usually to invite us for dinner, or something else that concerns Jack too, so it’s easier if he sees the messages as well.’
‘Especially as Grace often forgets to tell me things,’ Jack says, smiling indulgently at me.
Esther looks thoughtfully at the two of us. ‘You really are a joined-at-the-hip couple, aren’t you? Well, as you haven’t got a mobile, I suppose you’ll have to resort to pen and paper to take my numbers down. Have you got a pen?’
I know that I don’t. ‘I’m not sure,’ I say, intending to make a show of looking for one. I reach for my bag, which I had slung over the back of my chair, but she gets there first and hands it to me.
‘Goodness, it feels empty!’
‘I travel light,’ I tell her, opening my bag and peering inside. ‘No, sorry, I don’t have one.’
‘It’s all right, I’ll get them.’ Jack takes out his mobile. ‘I already have your home number, Esther, from Rufus, so if you just give me your mobile?’
As she reels it off, I try desperately to commit it to memory, but I get lost somewhere near the end. I close my eyes and try to retrieve the last few numbers but it’s impossible.
‘Thanks, Esther,’ says Jack. I open my eyes and find Esther looking at me curiously from across the table. ‘I’ll write it down for Grace when we get home.’
‘Wait a minute—is it 721 or 712 in the middle?’ Esther furrows her brow. ‘I can never remember which it is. The end is easy enough—9146—it’s the bit before I have a problem with. Could you just check, Diane?’
Diane gets out her phone and locates Esther’s number. ‘It’s 712,’ she says.
‘Oh yes—07517129146. Did you get that, Jack?’
‘Yes, it’s fine. Right, anyone for coffee?’
But we don’t bother, because Diane has to get back to work and Esther doesn’t want any. Jack asks for the bill and Diane and Esther disappear off to the toilet. I would like to go too, but I don’t bother following them.The bill paid, Jack and I take leave of the others and walk towards the car park.
‘Well, did you enjoy that, my perfect little wife?’ Jack asks, opening the car door for me.
I recognise
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I don’t see the need for one.’
‘But everybody over the age of ten and under the age of eighty has one!’
‘Well, not me,’ I say, amused—despite myself—at her reaction.
‘I know, it’s incredible, isn’t it?’ says Diane. ‘I’ve tried to persuade her to buy one but she isn’t interested.’
‘But how on earth does anybody get hold of you when you’re out and about?’ wonders Esther.
I shrug. ‘They don’t.’
‘Which is quite a good thing,’ says Diane dryly. ‘I can’t go shopping without Adam or one of the children phoning to ask me to get them something, or to find out when I’ll be back. The number of times I’ve been standing at the checkout in Tesco trying to load all my shopping into bags while trying to sort out something at home doesn’t bear thinking about.’
‘But what if you have a problem?’ asks Esther, still trying to get her head round it.
‘People managed perfectly well before without mobiles,’ I point out.
‘Yes, back in the Dark Ages.’ She turns to Jack. ‘Jack, buy your wife a mobile, for God’s sake!’
Jack opens his hands in a gesture of defeat. ‘I’d be only too happy to. But I know that if I did, she wouldn’t use it.’
‘I can’t believe that—not once she realises how practical they are.’
‘Jack’s right, I wouldn’t,’ I confirm.
‘Please tell me you have a computer.’
‘Yes, of course I do.’
‘Then could I have your email address?’
‘Sure. It’s
[email protected].
’
‘Isn’t that Jack’s address?’
‘It’s mine too.’
She raises her head and looks at me quizzically from across the table. ‘Don’t you have your own address?’
‘What for? Jack and I don’t have any secrets from each other. And if people email me, it’s usually to invite us for dinner, or something else that concerns Jack too, so it’s easier if he sees the messages as well.’
‘Especially as Grace often forgets to tell me things,’ Jack says, smiling indulgently at me.
Esther looks thoughtfully at the two of us. ‘You really are a joined-at-the-hip couple, aren’t you? Well, as you haven’t got a mobile, I suppose you’ll have to resort to pen and paper to take my numbers down. Have you got a pen?’
I know that I don’t. ‘I’m not sure,’ I say, intending to make a show of looking for one. I reach for my bag, which I had slung over the back of my chair, but she gets there first and hands it to me.
‘Goodness, it feels empty!’
‘I travel light,’ I tell her, opening my bag and peering inside. ‘No, sorry, I don’t have one.’
‘It’s all right, I’ll get them.’ Jack takes out his mobile. ‘I already have your home number, Esther, from Rufus, so if you just give me your mobile?’
As she reels it off, I try desperately to commit it to memory, but I get lost somewhere near the end. I close my eyes and try to retrieve the last few numbers but it’s impossible.
‘Thanks, Esther,’ says Jack. I open my eyes and find Esther looking at me curiously from across the table. ‘I’ll write it down for Grace when we get home.’
‘Wait a minute—is it 721 or 712 in the middle?’ Esther furrows her brow. ‘I can never remember which it is. The end is easy enough—9146—it’s the bit before I have a problem with. Could you just check, Diane?’
Diane gets out her phone and locates Esther’s number. ‘It’s 712,’ she says.
‘Oh yes—07517129146. Did you get that, Jack?’
‘Yes, it’s fine. Right, anyone for coffee?’
But we don’t bother, because Diane has to get back to work and Esther doesn’t want any. Jack asks for the bill and Diane and Esther disappear off to the toilet. I would like to go too, but I don’t bother following them.The bill paid, Jack and I take leave of the others and walk towards the car park.
‘Well, did you enjoy that, my perfect little wife?’ Jack asks, opening the car door for me.
I recognise
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