made those in awhile, have I?”
“Why?” I manage, thinking strangely, unreasonably I know, my blueberries.
“I got the call today.” Mum’s face is shining. “I got a job, Em--working in town for the doctor’s office. It’s not much, maybe, but it means we can live in town, in a nice apartment, and stop picking these darn blueberries!” She scoops up a fat blueberry from the bowl and eats it from the tip of her finger.
“You mean we’re going to move?”
“Things are going to change,” Mum promises me. “We’ll live in a better place, not this wreck. You’ll go to a new school, and so will Jimmy. It’s a chance for all of us to start again.” Something in my face stops her because she looks uncertain all of a sudden. “Aren’t you happy?”
I can’t answer, my throat is too tight. And suddenly I need to get out of that hot kitchen, with the sickly sweet smell of blueberry pancakes.
Before I even realize it, I’m running, running as fast as I can to the secret patch that only Jimmy and me know about it. I must be crazy, because I start picking blueberries. I’m not even thinking about what I’m doing, my fingers scrabbling blindly among the bushes.
I don’t have a pail, so I gather them in my tee-shirt which is soon stained purple with juice. My fingers are sore and scratched as I grab for the berries and I don’t even realize I’m crying till the tears drip from my chin.
“Em. Em, please.” Mum kneels beside me, her hand on my shoulder.
“How did you know I was here?” I ask with a sniff. This patch is pretty secret. I cradle my shirt full of blueberries protectively, like a baby.
“I know you, and I know blueberries.” Mum smiles a little bit sadly. “I didn’t handle that very well, did I? I’m sorry, Em. I was just so excited. We’ve been stuck here since Dad died, and it’s seemed like there’s no way out, no way ahead. But now... I’m finally seeing above the water line. I want more for you, and for Jimmy. I want more for me.” Her voice is quiet. “But I know change is hard.”
The tears I thought I’d sniffed back trickle down my cheeks and while I try to gulp them back in, I can’t. Suddenly I’m crying, loud, noisy crying, like a child who’s been hurt. Mum puts her arms around me and rocks me.
“I miss him too, Em. I miss him so much.”
And I know why I’m crying, and that Mum understands.
We stay like that for awhile, and I’m not even embarrassed. Finally I get hold of myself, wipe my blueberry-stained hands across my damp cheeks. Mum smiles but says nothing. I’m glad, because I don’t know what I want her to say.
“I hate blueberries,” I blurt.
“Me too.”
I smile, and Mum smiles back. We even laugh a little bit, sort of quietly. I take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay, I can see that now. Maybe it will be hard, but it will be all right in the end. Together, we’ll make it all right.
I look down at my stained tee shirt, and see the blueberries I’ve been hoarding not just now, but for years. Slowly I empty out my tee-shirt, let the berries tumble into the grass and weeds, lost forever. Some things you need to let go, when it’s time.
“Come on,” I say with a wobbly smile, and Mum smiles back at me, full of love. “Let’s go home.” She helps me up and we begin to walk through the woods, the sunlight filtering through trees in a pattern of light. “You know,” I say after a moment, “I’m kind of hungry.”
A PIECE OF CAKE
“Chocolate.”
The man in front of me shrugged, smiling sheepishly. “Chocolate,” I repeated encouragingly. “Would that be milk chocolate, dark chocolate...? Chocolate icing or chocolate cake?” I love to talk about chocolate.
“Er... I don’t know. I don’t know that much about cakes. I just thought it would be nice, you know, for her birthday.”
Her? I couldn’t help but wonder. Had this man
“Why?” I manage, thinking strangely, unreasonably I know, my blueberries.
“I got the call today.” Mum’s face is shining. “I got a job, Em--working in town for the doctor’s office. It’s not much, maybe, but it means we can live in town, in a nice apartment, and stop picking these darn blueberries!” She scoops up a fat blueberry from the bowl and eats it from the tip of her finger.
“You mean we’re going to move?”
“Things are going to change,” Mum promises me. “We’ll live in a better place, not this wreck. You’ll go to a new school, and so will Jimmy. It’s a chance for all of us to start again.” Something in my face stops her because she looks uncertain all of a sudden. “Aren’t you happy?”
I can’t answer, my throat is too tight. And suddenly I need to get out of that hot kitchen, with the sickly sweet smell of blueberry pancakes.
Before I even realize it, I’m running, running as fast as I can to the secret patch that only Jimmy and me know about it. I must be crazy, because I start picking blueberries. I’m not even thinking about what I’m doing, my fingers scrabbling blindly among the bushes.
I don’t have a pail, so I gather them in my tee-shirt which is soon stained purple with juice. My fingers are sore and scratched as I grab for the berries and I don’t even realize I’m crying till the tears drip from my chin.
“Em. Em, please.” Mum kneels beside me, her hand on my shoulder.
“How did you know I was here?” I ask with a sniff. This patch is pretty secret. I cradle my shirt full of blueberries protectively, like a baby.
“I know you, and I know blueberries.” Mum smiles a little bit sadly. “I didn’t handle that very well, did I? I’m sorry, Em. I was just so excited. We’ve been stuck here since Dad died, and it’s seemed like there’s no way out, no way ahead. But now... I’m finally seeing above the water line. I want more for you, and for Jimmy. I want more for me.” Her voice is quiet. “But I know change is hard.”
The tears I thought I’d sniffed back trickle down my cheeks and while I try to gulp them back in, I can’t. Suddenly I’m crying, loud, noisy crying, like a child who’s been hurt. Mum puts her arms around me and rocks me.
“I miss him too, Em. I miss him so much.”
And I know why I’m crying, and that Mum understands.
We stay like that for awhile, and I’m not even embarrassed. Finally I get hold of myself, wipe my blueberry-stained hands across my damp cheeks. Mum smiles but says nothing. I’m glad, because I don’t know what I want her to say.
“I hate blueberries,” I blurt.
“Me too.”
I smile, and Mum smiles back. We even laugh a little bit, sort of quietly. I take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay, I can see that now. Maybe it will be hard, but it will be all right in the end. Together, we’ll make it all right.
I look down at my stained tee shirt, and see the blueberries I’ve been hoarding not just now, but for years. Slowly I empty out my tee-shirt, let the berries tumble into the grass and weeds, lost forever. Some things you need to let go, when it’s time.
“Come on,” I say with a wobbly smile, and Mum smiles back at me, full of love. “Let’s go home.” She helps me up and we begin to walk through the woods, the sunlight filtering through trees in a pattern of light. “You know,” I say after a moment, “I’m kind of hungry.”
A PIECE OF CAKE
“Chocolate.”
The man in front of me shrugged, smiling sheepishly. “Chocolate,” I repeated encouragingly. “Would that be milk chocolate, dark chocolate...? Chocolate icing or chocolate cake?” I love to talk about chocolate.
“Er... I don’t know. I don’t know that much about cakes. I just thought it would be nice, you know, for her birthday.”
Her? I couldn’t help but wonder. Had this man
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