didn’t know how to handle it. I wasn’t sure if I was capable of hiding my feelings from him. “Probably. I want to go over my paper once more before I email it to my professor. I think I’ll take my laptop to the library.”
The truth was, I had a lot left to do on it. The night before I’d felt too crappy to concentrate and self-medicated the whole evening away, taking a hot shower, then spending the rest of the night drawing a portrait of Ryan. It was the first I’d done of him, and I spent hours on it, wanting to get every nuance of his face perfect. Somehow, it helped ease the ache because in drawing him, he was with me.
“Okay.” I could sense she had questions, but she didn’t press me.
I was in serious danger of getting my heart crushed. I’d known it for weeks, but it didn’t stop me from spending time with him. If I were honest, my time with Ryan was the best part of my day.
I threw a heavy sweater on over my T-shirt, my leftover melancholy not diminishing by Ryan’s attempt to get in touch with me. In the process of packing my computer and notes into my backpack, my phone jingled. I knew who it was before I picked it up and rather than being thrilled, I was apprehensive. Still, I read his text.
Jules, are you around? I called. Did Ellie tell you?
I quickly typed out an answer before sliding my arms into my coat and grabbing my backpack.
Yes. I’m on my way to the library to finish my paper.
His response was immediate.
Oh. I hoped you were done so we could hang out today.
My heart swelled with relief. Whatever happened on that date, it wasn’t enough to preoccupy Ryan today.
I’d like to, but I should study at least a couple of hours.
Can you meet me for coffee later? Maybe 3 or 4?
4 will be better. The Student Union?
Cool. If you’re finished by then, maybe we can hit the movie tonight?
Yes. :)
Great. See you then.
Suddenly, everything was right with my world.
~3~
Christmas in Chicago
I was bored shitless; lying on the floor of my room at my parents’ house with my lower legs flung on top of the bed. I didn’t know what to fucking do with myself. I’d been home two days, and I was going stir crazy.
I tossed the baseball against the wall opposite me. My dad caught it from a pop fly on opening day two years before when Aramis Ramirez was at bat. I threw it again, remembering how pissed Aaron had been that I’d won the coin toss and, in turn, this ball. In retrospect, I realized I probably could have just let him have it. I rolled it around in my hand, admiring the smooth, almost-new leather before I resumed the mindless activity. Thump, thump, thump… The noise and the motion of it providing the white noise I needed.
At the last minute, Aaron had decided to stay behind at college with Jenna. We’d both come home for Thanksgiving, but he refused to spend two weeks away from his girlfriend. I would have joined him, but my mother would have been completely crushed having both of us bail on Christmas at home.
Now I was stuck in this rotten cold weather without a damn thing to do. My dad was called in for emergency surgery, so he wasn’t even in the house. Thump, thump, thump… I threw it harder in my frustration.
The door to my room burst open, and my mother stuck her head in. “Ryan! What is all that banging? What are you doing in here?”
I flushed guiltily. “Oh, sorry,” I mumbled, holding up the ball in explanation.
Her features softened. She was always so elegant, dressed to perfection, her shoulder-length hair, the same color as mine, was never out of place, even at home. We were a study in opposites, now, however, as I laid around like a slob in baggy gray sweatpants, white crew socks and an old Nine Inch Nails T-shirt. I scratched my head then my stomach. I definitely needed a shower.
“I know you’re bored, honey. Can you call some of your high school friends?”
I sat up and shrugged. “Maybe.” I’d only been at school a few months, but now, the
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