Read Online Before I Wake by Rachel Vincent - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Rachel Vincent
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with any
of us. She deserves a nice, normal relationship, but—”
“I knew there was a ‘but.’”
“—but I don’t know how to be around her when she’s with him.
There’s too much I can’t say. Too much he doesn’t know.”
Tod ran his hand down my arm until he found my hand, and his
fingers folded around mine. “Are we still talking about Jayson? ’Cause it kind
of sounds like you’re talking about Emma now.”
I sighed. “Maybe.” Em knew a lot about my world—not to mention
the Netherworld—but she was still in the dark about a lot of it, too. She didn’t
know much about Thane, or that Avari was willing to kill her to get to me. She
didn’t know that Mr. Beck—the incubus math teacher who’d murdered me—had planned
to kill her, too, but not until after he’d fed from her. She didn’t know that
her sister was pregnant with Beck’s incubus fetus, or that Harmony was busy
collecting and combining a blend of Netherworld herbs that could end the
brand-new pregnancy and save her sister’s life. Though I’d have to tell her most
of that very soon, because I was not looking forward
to explaining the truth to Traci, who could discover her own pregnancy any
day.
But mostly, Emma didn’t know how hard it was for me to sit
through class after class today, knowing that none of it mattered anymore. I
wasn’t going to grow up and go off to college with her. I wasn’t ever going to
use the past-perfect conjugation of French verbs, and after finals, I’d probably
never again be required to write out a mathematical proof.
The only things still certain in my future were the reclamation
of stolen souls and Tod. That’s it. Those were the only things that mattered
anymore, and the harder I clung to the plans that were important to the
once-living Kaylee, the more I felt like a fraud walking around in her skin.
“I keep forgetting to be, Tod,” I whispered, my voice muted by
the enormity of what I was admitting.
“Forgetting to be what?”
“To be. To be here . To exist. If I don’t concentrate, I slip right out of the
physical plane, and I don’t even notice it until I realize people can’t see or
hear me.” That had happened with my dad over and over since I’d died, and if it
ever happened at school, I was screwed.
“That’s normal.”
“That’s not normal!” I insisted. “Forgetting to exist is
textbook-weird!”
His hand tightened around mine, and his blue irises swirled in
sympathy. “It takes a while to get into the routine of taking physical form. I
didn’t make a habit of it until I met you.”
“It’s like I don’t exist anymore. Like I’m nowhere.” I rolled
onto my back, and he leaned over me, staring down at me from inches away.
“You’re very much here, Kaylee. From my vantage point, you’re
everywhere.” His eyes were all I could see, his irises swirling slowly,
confirming everything he was saying and hinting at even more.
“This is the only time I feel real, Tod. Only when I’m touching
you. I wish it could be like this forever.”
“It can be. It will be,” he said,
and he sounded so sure of that that I could almost believe him.
“What if you get tired of me? Forever’s a long time.”
“I’m well aware.” Tod sat up and pulled me up with him until we
faced each other on my bed. “Forever used to feel like a curse. Now it feels
like a promise,” he said, and my chest ached, and I loved that feeling—that rare
pain that came from feeling too much, so different from the emptiness I’d almost
gotten used to. “All you have to do is stay here with me.”
“That, and eat breakfast for my dad. And reclaim souls for
Madeline. And go to school and work to convince everyone that Nash is innocent.”
I frowned as something ridiculous occurred to me. “In the movies and on TV,
there are all these ancient vampires taking math and PE with a bunch of
teenagers, and I always thought that was the stupidest thing. I mean, if you had eternity to
of us. She deserves a nice, normal relationship, but—”
“I knew there was a ‘but.’”
“—but I don’t know how to be around her when she’s with him.
There’s too much I can’t say. Too much he doesn’t know.”
Tod ran his hand down my arm until he found my hand, and his
fingers folded around mine. “Are we still talking about Jayson? ’Cause it kind
of sounds like you’re talking about Emma now.”
I sighed. “Maybe.” Em knew a lot about my world—not to mention
the Netherworld—but she was still in the dark about a lot of it, too. She didn’t
know much about Thane, or that Avari was willing to kill her to get to me. She
didn’t know that Mr. Beck—the incubus math teacher who’d murdered me—had planned
to kill her, too, but not until after he’d fed from her. She didn’t know that
her sister was pregnant with Beck’s incubus fetus, or that Harmony was busy
collecting and combining a blend of Netherworld herbs that could end the
brand-new pregnancy and save her sister’s life. Though I’d have to tell her most
of that very soon, because I was not looking forward
to explaining the truth to Traci, who could discover her own pregnancy any
day.
But mostly, Emma didn’t know how hard it was for me to sit
through class after class today, knowing that none of it mattered anymore. I
wasn’t going to grow up and go off to college with her. I wasn’t ever going to
use the past-perfect conjugation of French verbs, and after finals, I’d probably
never again be required to write out a mathematical proof.
The only things still certain in my future were the reclamation
of stolen souls and Tod. That’s it. Those were the only things that mattered
anymore, and the harder I clung to the plans that were important to the
once-living Kaylee, the more I felt like a fraud walking around in her skin.
“I keep forgetting to be, Tod,” I whispered, my voice muted by
the enormity of what I was admitting.
“Forgetting to be what?”
“To be. To be here . To exist. If I don’t concentrate, I slip right out of the
physical plane, and I don’t even notice it until I realize people can’t see or
hear me.” That had happened with my dad over and over since I’d died, and if it
ever happened at school, I was screwed.
“That’s normal.”
“That’s not normal!” I insisted. “Forgetting to exist is
textbook-weird!”
His hand tightened around mine, and his blue irises swirled in
sympathy. “It takes a while to get into the routine of taking physical form. I
didn’t make a habit of it until I met you.”
“It’s like I don’t exist anymore. Like I’m nowhere.” I rolled
onto my back, and he leaned over me, staring down at me from inches away.
“You’re very much here, Kaylee. From my vantage point, you’re
everywhere.” His eyes were all I could see, his irises swirling slowly,
confirming everything he was saying and hinting at even more.
“This is the only time I feel real, Tod. Only when I’m touching
you. I wish it could be like this forever.”
“It can be. It will be,” he said,
and he sounded so sure of that that I could almost believe him.
“What if you get tired of me? Forever’s a long time.”
“I’m well aware.” Tod sat up and pulled me up with him until we
faced each other on my bed. “Forever used to feel like a curse. Now it feels
like a promise,” he said, and my chest ached, and I loved that feeling—that rare
pain that came from feeling too much, so different from the emptiness I’d almost
gotten used to. “All you have to do is stay here with me.”
“That, and eat breakfast for my dad. And reclaim souls for
Madeline. And go to school and work to convince everyone that Nash is innocent.”
I frowned as something ridiculous occurred to me. “In the movies and on TV,
there are all these ancient vampires taking math and PE with a bunch of
teenagers, and I always thought that was the stupidest thing. I mean, if you had eternity to
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