Read Online Been Here All Along by Sandy Hall - Free Book Online Page B

house.
    Not that we’ve ever been living in the lap of luxury, but this is above and beyond what we’re used to. I didn’t even bother asking about college yet, even though it’s all I can think about. Something told me that it wasn’t the right time to bring it up. I’m not going anywhere impressive, just to the rinky-dink state university about a half hour away. I have an academic scholarship at least. But up until now, I had every intention of living on campus. That probably won’t happen anymore.
    I pick up my phone, thinking I should call Kyle and tell him everything. That would make me feel so much better. Except even as I’m about to scroll to his number, I remember that he and Gideon are hanging out together.
    And then I remember the lists.
    The lists that I totally forgot about until right this second. Guess I’m not as nosy as I thought. I take a quick scroll through the pictures, and there are twelve lists in total.
    Most of them don’t seem very interesting. I scan for the to-do list I saw last time. There are only a few things on it, and a lot of them are crossed off.
    Gideon is gay, and very in the closet.
    And not only that, but he’s in love with my boyfriend and his best friend.
    I know too much. I should delete these lists and never think about them again.
    Any other time in my life I might actually have been sympathetic to this issue and done exactly that. But jealousy starts bubbling up in my stomach. I’m always so nice to Gideon. I’m always encouraging Kyle to spend more time with him and to be a good friend and all that crap. And this is how Gideon repays me?
    How long has he had feelings for Kyle?
    Does Kyle know? Is that why he finally told me he’s bi, because he’s thinking about breaking up with me for Gideon? Is he preparing me for that inevitability?
    Gideon has everything already. His parents are rich; he’ll have no trouble getting into whatever college he wants, not to mention he won’t have to worry about affording it. Now on top of that he wants my boyfriend, too? I can’t handle it.
    I’m suddenly so jealous of Gideon Berko it feels like I’m burning from the inside. My fingers are actually shaking with rage.
    I do something I know I’ll regret later. But I have to show him I know. I have to make sure he realizes how much power I have over him. He can’t just go about his life, happily being in love with my boyfriend while living in a house that looks the way his house looks, with parents who have jobs and money.
    I text him the picture of the list where he’s trying to decide whether he’s gay or just in love with Kyle. I follow it up with a text that simply says, “I know.”
    We’ll see what he thinks of that.
    Kyle
    I swear about thirty seconds ago Gideon looked like he was about to kiss me, and now he looks like someone just punched him in the stomach.
    â€œAre you okay?” I ask, pausing the movie. I don’t want to miss the last couple of scenes.
    He’s pale and staring at his phone like it said something mean to him.
    â€œYeah, I’m fine,” he says, gulping loudly.
    â€œDid you get bad news?”
    â€œHuh? No, nothing like that. Just…” He shoves his phone into his pocket but doesn’t continue his sentence.
    â€œDid I do something wrong?”
    He finally looks over at me, and he has that same sweaty and confused look he had the night at the dance. I have to fight the urge to rub away the worry line that’s on his forehead.
    He shakes his head. “Definitely not. Let’s just finish up the movie.”
    I swear before he checked his phone we were about to have a moment. There was something going on between us, and it’s unsettling. It’s the weirdest feeling. Because it makes me feel like I messed up somehow. But if I feel like I messed up, does that mean I wanted something to happen between us?
    Gideon’s my best