Becoming Your Spouse's Better Half

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Authors: Rick A Johnson
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environment for short periods of time, I always need to get away by myself in order to recharge and decompress. If I am forced to continually be “on,” I start shutting down. If that continues, I may even become rude toward people (or at least they may perceive my actions that way). My wife knows this and helps me take a short break in our hotel room or some other venue where I can be alone and regroup.

Down Time
     
    Vegetate: 1) to lead a passive existence without using one’s body or mind, 2) to engage in relaxing or passive activities, such as watching television, 3) to grow exuberantly or with proliferation
     
    The word vegetate has two meanings—it can mean either to germinate and grow or to stagnate. In order to recharge their batteries, men often need to just sit and vegetate. Women frequently recharge themselves by talking with another woman. Just listen to a woman who has been deprived of female companionship for a while when she gets around another woman. She is like a dry sponge soaking up life-giving conversation. She often can’t talk fast enough to satisfy her need for conversation.
    Because they are wired that way, many women feel they are helping their husbands to de-stress and recover by getting them to talk. Unfortunately, that often has just the opposite effect. Men frequently recharge by cocooning, or pulling into themselves. Conversation is work for most men. Most women do not understand this, but they need to know that it is okay for their husbands to just sit and do nothing occasionally. There may be some logical explanations for this conservation of energy.

Hunter-Gatherer
     
    For thousands of years a man’s main role in life was to hunt game to provide food for his family. Because this was a life-or-death situation, every hunt was extremely important—no food meant they literally starved to death. Hence a man needed to be prepared and energized to be able to perform his duty as a hunter whenever an opportunity presented itself. If a man was so tired, run down, injured, sick, or preoccupied that he missed a kill, his family might perish. And the longer or more often he failed, the harder it was to succeed as his strength and stamina diminished. Therefore, whenever a man was not hunting, he was generally conserving his physical and mental energy. Often he sat around staring into a campfire, replaying and learning from previous hunts while resting, preparing, and reenergizing himself for the next hunt.
    He also had to be physically prepared to protect his family and the tribe from dangerous predators or human enemies. Any wounds, even minor, needed rest to heal so that he could function effectively. Even a slight injury could put him at a disadvantage (a minor wound in the jungle or woods can quickly get infected and become mortal). If a man were taking a nap because he was exhausted from doing chores around the hut, he and his family could be killed.
    Because we do not face constant physical threats in our civilized world, we do not truly understand how important early man was in this protective function. With no police, jails, or criminal justice system, one lone man was the barrier between life and death. His skills and physical strength kept his wife and children alive.
    While hunting requires the ability for a man to shut down his mind and stay motionless for long periods of time, it also requires great reserves of energy, especially in sudden bursts of speed and power. For him to stay vigilant for long periods of time using his visual, olfactory, and auditory senses is mentally exhausting. Having the ability to move silently through the woods requires great patience and stamina. Even after striking an animal, he must be able to either move quickly to finish it or spend great amounts of energy tracking it. Finally, he must either field-dress and butcher the carcass or carry it intact all the way back to the camp. Once the adrenaline rush is over, he is depleted. From experience I know

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