Read Online Beating Heart by A. M. Jenkins - Free Book Online Page A

it’s in the room, in the walls, the floorboards, the very air—it’s ready for him, and all he has to do is let his body follow and fill it in.
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    I remember
    he pulled his shirt
    off
    pulls his shirt
    off over his head
    one eager movement
    white sheets
    white sheets
    crumple tangle
    he kicked them off
    kicks
    them off
    impatient
    I remember
    my arms locked
    around
    arms lock around
    his neck
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    gripping
    gasping
    plunges
    sweat
    slicked
    skin

 
    T he pillows are getting in the way so without stopping Evan shoves them onto the floor, and one knocks the metal box off the desk with a loud clatter, and he knows he should stop and check for Libby, curious, nosy Libby, or at least wait and listen to see if she’s coming, but he doesn’t want to, doesn’t want to stop, can’t stop, he can’t stop, so he buries his face in Carrie’s hair, her neck, and continues till it’s finished.
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    The moment spent
    lazy, intertwined
    in the quiet,
    the gap filled,
    the need met,
    the whole…
    not quite
    complete
    one
    small
    important
    missing
    piece…

 
    E van knows he ought to get up and get dressed , because the door has no lock. But he’s lying there relaxed, floating, after some of the best sex he’s ever had. He pulls the sheet up to cover them and puts his arm around Carrie.
    It takes him a moment to notice that she is not acting like she usually does. She’s curled up against him—but she’s completely still, completely silent.
    â€œAnything wrong?” he asks.
    Carrie does not answer. The best sex Evan has ever had doesn’t seem to have made much of an impression on her. She looks like something’s bothering her.
    â€œWhat is it?” Evan asks. “Did I hurt you?”
    â€œNo.”
    â€œWell, what’s wrong?”
    â€œI don’t know. It’s just that I haven’t seen you in a while, and, well…have you ever noticed that everytime we see each other, we end up having sex?”
    Evan’s insides start to sink. Of course he’s not going to be allowed to stay in that floating daze. No, Carrie’s got to pick the moment apart, find something wrong, suck all the perfection out of it. “And that’s bad?” he asks.
    â€œNo…” But she draws the word out, leaving it hanging in the air.
    â€œSo what are you saying?” Evan says abruptly. “That you don’t want to have sex anymore?”
    â€œNo. I guess I’m just starting to wonder if that’s the only reason we’re together. I mean, we haven’t seen each other in over a week and it’s the first thing you want to do. It’s why you asked me to come over here today, isn’t it?”
    â€œI asked you over because I wanted to be with you.”
    â€œBut not till your mom was going to be gone.”
    Evan heaves a great, loud sigh. He doesn’t know what to say, or how to fix it. All he knows is, he used to feel good about himself when he was around her, and he doesn’t anymore.
    She always nags and clings now, turning all the goodstuff sour. And he always has to find the right moment to ease away, a moment that doesn’t look too obviously as if he’s trying to escape all the sourness.
    But this time he’s stuck. This isn’t Carrie’s house. He can’t back out quietly, can’t wait for an opportunity to get up and leave. He’s trapped—this is his home and his room, and he has to stay until she gets up and leaves.
    â€œAnd you never say you love me,” Carrie complains, “unless I say it first.”
    That’s his cue, Evan knows. He’s supposed to say he loves her again. I love you, that’s what he’s supposed to say.
    He’s just tired of being pushed to say it.
    â€œSee? Even right now, I have to pull it out of you. You never say it on your own.”
    Evan stares up at the ceiling. He’s