Read Online Bang Bang Bang by Stella Feehily - Free Book Online

living.
    You, me –
    They giggle again.
    MATHILDE. I don’t know what you’re saying. We go up the stairs? Stairs?
    They giggle. MATHILDE passes VIN the joint. He draws deeply.
    I’m a bit hairy. That might frighten you, English photographer from Tring.
    MATHILDE giggles.
    Or maybe it’s sexy –
    VIN draws on the joint again.
    Yes. Let’s fuck. But if you thought you know?
    I could have a quick – If I could find a razor.
    MATHILDE giggles.
    MATHILDE takes the joint. VIN finds himself in a bad way.
    VIN. Mathilde… I need to. Sorry. I’m not up to it… it’s I – think I’m going to be –
    VIN dashes off to puke. He only manages to get to the back of the couch.
    He up-chucks to the end of the scene.
    MATHILDE. Okay.
    I don’t need love.
    I don’t need LOVE to justify my existence.
    I’m part of life you know.
    It’s all here.
    Two
    The following day.
    The same space – which, in the light of day, is completely trashed.
    SADHBH is on the sofa and is extremely hung-over.
    INNOCENT enters.
    INNOCENT. Excuse, madame. It’s Innocent. I clean for Madame Romy.
    SADHBH. Come in.
    INNOCENT. Pardonnez moi pour le retard. Ma soeur, elle est malade.
    J’ai dû l’emmener à l’hôpital.
    SADHBH. Je suis désolée, Innocent. I hope it’s not serious.
    INNOCENT. Please God, madame. / Please God.
    SADHBH. I’m so sorry it’s such a mess.
    Je vais t’aider.
    She gets up a little too quickly.
    Oh.
    INNOCENT. Sit. Sit.
    Leave that for me.
    Je vais arranger ça pour Mme Romy.
    You have morning sickness. Yes?
    SADHBH. What?
    INNOCENT. I am the expert.
    I have seven children.
    I always know.
    SADHBH. No, no. Not me.
    From off.
    STEPHEN. Hello? Hello?
    INNOCENT. Yes, madame. I will make you a tisane.
    Please one moment.
    INNOCENT lets STEPHEN in and then backs out of the room.
    SADHBH. You made it.
    STEPHEN drops his bag and takes off his jacket.
    STEPHEN. I saw them all on my way – the seekers, the preachers, profiteers, disaster junkies.
    He leans over and kisses SADHBH.
    SADHBH. Familiar faces then.
    I almost don’t recognise you in your suit.
    You play the part well.
    STEPHEN. This is me, Sadhbh. I am that guy in the suit.
    He looks around.
    Humanitarians by day – wannabe seventeen-year-olds by night.
    SADHBH. One night is hardly living like seventeen-year-olds.
    STEPHEN. There’s vomit behind the couch.
    SADHBH. Are you serious?
    SADHBH gets up to have a look.
    SADHBH tries to find something to clean up the mess.
    It all got a bit out of hand.
    STEPHEN. Sadhbh, it always gets a bit out of hand.
    You know that.
    SADHBH. I feel so awful.
    STEPHEN. Have you not learned that R and R stands for rest and recreation?
    SADHBH. Sweetheart, you sound middle-aged.
    STEPHEN. Hoo-ray.
    I’m delighted I’m not puking my ring up after an ICRC party.
    SADHBH. How was your flight?
    STEPHEN. Uncomfortable.
    I hitched a ride on a UN Boeing. Unfortunately our pilot intends to fly back to Dar Es Salaam this evening.
    SADHBH. You can’t stay?
    STEPHEN. I’ve got to be in London by Monday.
    Pause.
    I have a lunch at the Dutch Embassy.
    SADHBH is very disappointed.
    SADHBH. Of course you do.
    STEPHEN. I have to be there. I hate it but, you know –
    SADHBH. I hope you’re teaching that unmentionable to be a good corporate citizen?
    STEPHEN. Sure.
    SADHBH. Do tell all about the Jolly Yellow Giant and its further misadventures in human rights?
    STEPHEN. This conversation invariably ends in verbal – directed at me. Can we not…?
    Pause.
    Where’s Romy?
    SADHBH. At the clinic. We have the place to ourselves – and there is Mathilde, of course.
    STEPHEN. How’s she doing?
    SADHBH. Better than I expected.
    STEPHEN. I did wonder how she’d cope.
    SADHBH. Cope? She’s spent this morning having noisy sex with a young man she met last night – that only hours ago was barfing in the