Read Online Band Fags! by Frank Anthony Polito - Free Book Online Page B

Meanwhile, I’m crammed in the backseat with little sisters Nina and Brittany.
    We’re just about in the heart of Motown at this point. Down on Woodward near I-75. All four lanes are jammed with people. Shouting, cheering, rejoicing. It’s hard to even tell there’s a road ahead of us to drive on, it’s so packed.
    An older black man clad in the official Kirk Gibson #23 pinstriped jersey shouts, “We did it!” As if his sitting at home watching on TV had anything to do with the Tigers’ victory. Then he High-Fives both Bobby and Brad before launching them into a chant of “Bless—You—Boys!”
    I only hope they don’t start singing that stupid song!
    To our right, I see a glow of red. Which must be the Fox Theatre marquis. On the left, searchlights from the parking lot crisscross the cloudy sky. Woodward Avenue is a Sea of People and our tan little K-Car is Moses, parting it.
    I’ve gotta admit, despite all the excitement surrounding me, I’m a little p.o.’d. Brad’s barely talked to me this entire time. From the minute I got in the car back at my house, he and Bobby have been like proverbial peas in a pod…What’s up with that?
    Personally, I don’t see what’s so hot about Bobby Russell: #1—he’s got braces; #2—he’s got bleached blond hair, spiked on top, à la Billy Idol. Which wouldn’t be so bad except for #3—he’s also got a totally stupid six-inch dyed black tail hanging down from the back.
    I mean, maybe he used to be kinda cute when he was younger. I saw a yearbook picture Carrie Johnson had of him from back when they went to Roosevelt together and he didn’t look so bad. But that was before he broke out with acne. And started smoking!
    â€œNow what?” Laura says to nobody in particular.
    Looks like we’ve come to the end of the line. Woodward and Elizabeth. Next to a totally cool old-fashioned diner, complete with neon sign, called the Elwood Bar & Grill.
    â€œWhy can’t we take Jefferson back?” Brad asks.
    â€œThat’s what I was planning to do,” his Mom replies, totally frustrated. “They won’t let us through.” Ahead, we can see the cops blocking off the rest of the avenue.
    â€œFucking pigs!” Bobby Russell shouts out his window at the Men in Blue.
    I see Laura give him a look. Though she doesn’t say anything. I’ve got a feeling she doesn’t care for Bobby Russell either.
    â€œWhat are we gonna do, Mom?” Brad asks.
    â€œI don’t know, Bradley!” she snaps. The tension in the car is starting to rival that of the throng outside.
    â€œHow are we gonna get home, Mommy?” Brittany cries out.
    â€œMommy, I’m scared!” Nina chimes in.
    â€œPlease sit and be quiet…Everybody!”
    Poor Laura…All of a sudden the whistle from a traffic cop is blown, totally freaking her out. We can see the officer giving us the “Turn Your Vehicle Around” hand signal. Which means we have no other choice but to head back up Woodward, through the traffic jam towards Ferndale/Hazel Park.
    At which point, Laura sticks her head out the window. “Officer?” she says demurely, all the while trying to maintain control of the steering wheel and keep the screaming kids in her car under control. “Can you pretty please help us?”
    Now here’s the thing about Laura Dayton…The woman is a Total Looker! I can’t even tell you how many guys at school have commented on how hot she is.
    One time, I went shopping at Oakland Mall with her and Brad and we ran into this guy from school, Rob Berger. Who’s actually pretty cool, for a Jock. The next day in Mr. Davidson’s 4 th hour Biology, Rob was all like, “Who was the Total Babe you and Brad Dayton were at the Mall with yesterday?”
    And I was like, “Um…She’s his Mom. ”
    â€œGet the fuck out!” Rob