Read Online Bagombo Snuff Box by Kurt Vonnegut - Free Book Online Page A

Slotkin berated him for wearing such a
counterfeit smile.
    “By God, Maude,” said Earl, perspiring in the master
bedroom, “if I ever have to come out of retirement—knock on wood—I can go on
television as a quick-change artist. This better be the last picture, by
golly. Feel like a darn clotheshorse.”
    But the feeling didn’t prevent his changing once more at Slotkin’s
command, this time into a tuxedo. Slotkin wanted a picture of dinner by candlelight.
The dining room curtains would be drawn, electrically, to hide the fact of
midafternoon outdoors.
    “Well, I guess Charley’s getting an eyeful,” said Earl,
distorting his face as he punched a collar button into place. “I think he’s
pretty darn impressed.” His voice lacked conviction, and he turned hopefully
to Maude for confirmation.
    She was sitting at her dressing table, staring mercilessly
at her image in the mirror, trying on different bits of jewelry. “Hmm?”
    “I said I guess Charley’s pretty impressed.”
    “Him,” she said flatly. “He’s just a little too smooth, if
you ask me. After the way he used to snoot you, and then he comes here all
smiles and good manners.”
    “Yeah,” said Earl, with a sigh. “Doggone it, he used to make
me feel like two bits, and he still does, looking at us like we were showing
off instead of just trying to help a magazine out. And did you hear what he
said when I came right out and told him what I didn’t like about college?”
    “He acted like you just made it up, like it was just in your
mind. Oh, he’s a slick article, all right. But I’m not going to let him get my
goat,” said Maude. “This started out as the happiest day of our lives, and it’s
going to go on being that. And you want to know something else?”
    “What’s that?” Backed by Maude, Earl felt his morale rising.
He hadn’t been absolutely sure that Charley was inwardly making fun of them,
but Maude was, and she was burned up about it, too.
    Her voice dropped to a whisper. “For all his superior ways,
and kidding us about our TV set and everything, I don’t think the great Charley
Freeman amounts to a hill of beans. Did you see his suit—up close?”
    “Well, Slotkin kept things moving so fast, I don’t guess I
got a close look.”
    “You can bet I did, Earl,” said Maude. “It’s all worn and
shiny, and the cuffs are a sight! I’d die of shame if you went around in a suit
like that.”
    Earl was startled. He had been so on the defensive that it
hadn’t occurred to him that Charley’s fortunes could be anything but what they’d
been in college. “Maybe a favorite old suit he hates to chuck out,” he said at
last. “Rich people are funny about things like that sometimes.”
    “He’s got on a favorite old shirt and a favorite old pair of
shoes, too.”
    “I can’t believe it,” murmured Earl. He pulled aside a
curtain for a glimpse of the fairyland of the terrace and grill, where Charley
Freeman stood chatting with Slotkin and Converse and the writer. The cuffs of
Charley’s trousers, Earl saw with amazement, were indeed frayed, and the heels
of his shoes were worn thin. Earl touched a button, and a bedroom window
slithered open.
    “It’s a pleasant town,” Charley was telling them. “I might
as well settle here as anywhere, since I haven’t very strong reasons for living
in any particular part of the country.”
    “Zo eggspensif!” said Slotkin.
    “Yes,” said Charley, “I’d probably be smart to move inland,
where my money’d go a little farther. Lord, it’s incredible what things cost
these days!”
    Maude laid her hand on Earl’s shoulder. “Seems kind of
fishy, doesn’t it?” she whispered. “You don’t hear from him for forty years,
and all of a sudden he shows up, down-and-out, to pay us a big, friendly call.
What’s he after?”
    “Said he just wanted to see me for old times’ sake,” said
Earl.
    Maude sniffed. “You believe that?”
    The dining room table looked like an open